Sep 1999
Oct 1999
Nov 1999
Dec 1999
Jan 2000
Feb 2000
Mar 2000
Apr 2000
May 2000
Jun 2000
Jul 2000
Aug 2000
Sep 2000
Oct 2000
Nov 2000
Dec 2000
Jan 2001
Feb 2001
Mar 2001
Apr 2001
May 2001
Jun 2001
Jul 2001
Aug 2001
Sep 2001
Oct 2001
Nov 2001
Dec 2001
Jan 2002
Feb 2002
Mar 2002
Apr 2002
May 2002
Jun 2002
Jul 2002
Aug 2002
Sep 2002
Oct 2002
Nov 2002
Dec 2002
Jan 2003
Feb 2003
Mar 2003
Apr 2003
May 2003
Jun 2003
Jul 2003
Aug 2003
Sep 2003
Oct 2003
Nov 2003
Dec 2003
Jan 2004
Feb 2004
Mar 2004
Apr 2004
May 2004
Jun 2004
Jul 2004
Aug 2004
Sep 2004
Oct 2004
Nov 2004
Dec 2004
Jan 2005
Feb 2005
Mar 2005
Apr 2005
May 2005
Jun 2005
Jul 2005
Aug 2005
Sep 2005
Oct 2005
Nov 2005
Dec 2005
Jan 2006
Feb 2006
Mar 2006
Apr 2006
May 2006
Jun 2006
Jul 2006
Aug 2006
Sep 2006
Oct 2006
Nov 2006
Dec 2006
Jan 2007
Feb 2007
Mar 2007
Apr 2007
May 2007
Jun 2007
Jul 2007
Aug 2007
Sep 2007
Oct 2007
Nov 2007
Dec 2007
Jan 2008
Feb 2008
Mar 2008
Apr 2008
May 2008
Jun 2008
Jul 2008
Aug 2008
Sep 2008
Oct 2008
Nov 2008
Dec 2008
Jan 2009
Feb 2009
Mar 2009
Apr 2009
May 2009
Jun 2009
Jul 2009
Aug 2009
Sep 2009
Oct 2009
Nov 2009
Dec 2009
Jan 2010
Aug 2010
Sep 2010
Oct 2010
Nov 2010
Dec 2010
Feb 2011
Mar 2011
Apr 2011
May 2011
Sep 2011
Oct 2011
Nov 2011
Feb 2012
Mar 2012
May 2012
Apr 2023
May 2023
Jun 2023
Jul 2023
Sep 2023
Oct 2023

Per my last post about asking for help: I did ask for help, but didn't find any takers, my assumption is partly that I needed help in the middle of a day on a Monday and that doesn't fit into many people's schedules, but also people just...not wanting to, which is fine, I ended up doing well on the project all by myself (although I haven't received my final grade on it yet).

Now we're on to the final project, which is to interpret a dream in film -- and I have found a helper this time, because I asked the teacher if he knew anyone who wanted help, and in class he asked for any raised hands for people looking for help, and I connected with one person I'd worked with before. I'm a little worried they may not actually show up, because, well, they are young and that's how young people can be, but I hope it works out, they should be able to add to the project in ways I hadn't thought of, which is the goal of having help.

Helping aside, I am discovering something in myself: when we received the final project assignment, it was disappointingly vague, which was similar to the first English class paper -- and I had very much the same visceral reaction -- anger, frustration, confusion, over being told to do something with no instruction on how to get there.

I think the reaction is actually to being assigned creativity. You, go do something creative, have it done in three weeks. What should you do? I already told you, go be creative, I don't want to hear from you until you've creatived all over the place.

I am not sure why this is the reaction, but it feels like something I've experienced in the past, so I don't think this is something new, but because I'm pretty much self-driven the rest of the time I haven't had the occasion of induced creative output in quite a while.

In this case, after a couple days (and after asking the professor about helpers), I came to a relatively acceptable plan for meeting the final project objectives, and have moved into nervousness over how I'm going to get that done.

Of my rules for returning to college, the inverse of "Ask for Help" is "Participate". When I was a theater student back in the 1990s, I didn't go to the mainstage shows, I didn't even go to my friend's projects, I was so wrapped up in my own stuff that I didn't think beyond arm's reach, and that not only wasn't supporting the theater program, but also wasn't helpful to me either.

So, in order to participate with the MSUM School of Media Arts, Design, and Entertainment, last spring I went to the Capstone premiere, which is the graduating senior projects, and the Juried Show, which was a selection of the best from all Film/Animation projects from the year; I joined the film appreciation club (which I haven't been super good at attending due to scheduling), and I am super open to helping if someone asked me for help (but that hasn't happened yet).

A few weeks ago, I saw a post on Facebook for an audition -- the guy who posted it I knew is also a student in the MSUM film production department, and the cast was one young man, and three men, any age.

My first reaction was, wow, that sounds like a cool project, I hope he finds some men, any age, actors.

It took two days to sink in that I am a man, any age, I can act, and I want to support the film production department any way I can.

Now, "Is Derek An Actor?" is a complicated question. Once upon a time I thought being an actor would be fun, but eventually decided, no, it wasn't my thing. In the meantime I took a bunch of acting classes, acted in a number of plays, and the complicated answer is yes, I have skills as an actor, no, I'm not a really good actor but I'm OK, and no, I don't generally want to be an actor.

However, if I'm going to "Participate", them's the rules, so I signed up for an audition slot, went, and got cast as the character with the second-most lines.

Now, my reaction was: oh no, now I have to actually go and act.

However, this production went really, really well, I thought it was an excellent experience. A lot of it was the actor I had to interact with the most had a lot of good ideas and made it easy to perform against him. The climactic scene of the short film is an argument between him and me; my character messed up badly, and his character reacts with anger.

The way the script is written, and the way our first rehearsals went, ended up with a sort of fist-shaking, "why I aughta..." level of anger.

One later run-through, he grabbed me by the shirt; afterwards he asked if it was OK, and I said yes.

He seemed to be realizing that the way for this to work is to really, really, make that climax...climactic -- he has to look unhinged, I need to look scared, and as he increased his anger I reacted appropriately and it went from "that guy has an anger problem" to "OH FUCK HE IS GONNA STAB THAT GUY IN THE FACE".

I think there's still a 10% chance it is going to look goofy, but the way that scene felt, it's going to look good, I'm so excited to watch.

But, it'll be a good month or two before they're done developing and editing -- it was shot on really-real actual movie film! -- so I will have to be patient.

In the meantime...another audition has been posted, the main character is a young man moving out of the house for the first time, and another character is his absent father. Guess which one I'm auditioning for? They sent me the script to read the scene for when I audition and I'm not sure how well I'll do, but I'll still go to the audition, that's Participating.

No comments at this time.

Your Name:
Your comment:

blog advertising is good for you
Looking For "Wookies"?