What do you do when you have so much spare cash around that average Christmas gifts (e.i. humorous boxer shorts, "Special Edition" DVDs of 1980s movies) would seem insulting to your loved ones? Buy a concert -- for a cool million-and-a-half. Invite 499 of your friends (that's 500 total, not one more person over. Sorry, Shelly from the gas station, I'm out of tickets), get to rub shoulders with Regis Philbin -- and that's gotta be worth $1,500,000 on it's own, you know -- and not only do you take in a top-notch performance, but you get to keep the piano. Rich people apparently find it insulting that performers take the piano with them after they're done performing -- it's like the caterer getting to keep the leftover pigs-in-a-blanket after the party, how rude! If you're doing the math, take out $80,000 for the Steinway, and you're still spending $3,020 a head. What they don't tell you is that you can hire most orchestras and rent a concert hall for significantly less the Niemann-Marcus price, bring a thousand friends (Shelly, you're back in!), and still get to keep the piano. Regis Philbin, well, he must be the spendiest part.
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