Sep 1999
Oct 1999
Nov 1999
Dec 1999
Jan 2000
Feb 2000
Mar 2000
Apr 2000
May 2000
Jun 2000
Jul 2000
Aug 2000
Sep 2000
Oct 2000
Nov 2000
Dec 2000
Jan 2001
Feb 2001
Mar 2001
Apr 2001
May 2001
Jun 2001
Jul 2001
Aug 2001
Sep 2001
Oct 2001
Nov 2001
Dec 2001
Jan 2002
Feb 2002
Mar 2002
Apr 2002
May 2002
Jun 2002
Jul 2002
Aug 2002
Sep 2002
Oct 2002
Nov 2002
Dec 2002
Jan 2003
Feb 2003
Mar 2003
Apr 2003
May 2003
Jun 2003
Jul 2003
Aug 2003
Sep 2003
Oct 2003
Nov 2003
Dec 2003
Jan 2004
Feb 2004
Mar 2004
Apr 2004
May 2004
Jun 2004
Jul 2004
Aug 2004
Sep 2004
Oct 2004
Nov 2004
Dec 2004
Jan 2005
Feb 2005
Mar 2005
Apr 2005
May 2005
Jun 2005
Jul 2005
Aug 2005
Sep 2005
Oct 2005
Nov 2005
Dec 2005
Jan 2006
Feb 2006
Mar 2006
Apr 2006
May 2006
Jun 2006
Jul 2006
Aug 2006
Sep 2006
Oct 2006
Nov 2006
Dec 2006
Jan 2007
Feb 2007
Mar 2007
Apr 2007
May 2007
Jun 2007
Jul 2007
Aug 2007
Sep 2007
Oct 2007
Nov 2007
Dec 2007
Jan 2008
Feb 2008
Mar 2008
Apr 2008
May 2008
Jun 2008
Jul 2008
Aug 2008
Sep 2008
Oct 2008
Nov 2008
Dec 2008
Jan 2009
Feb 2009
Mar 2009
Apr 2009
May 2009
Jun 2009
Jul 2009
Aug 2009
Sep 2009
Oct 2009
Nov 2009
Dec 2009
Jan 2010
Aug 2010
Sep 2010
Oct 2010
Nov 2010
Dec 2010
Feb 2011
Mar 2011
Apr 2011
May 2011
Sep 2011
Oct 2011
Nov 2011
Feb 2012
Mar 2012
May 2012
Apr 2023
May 2023
Jun 2023
Jul 2023
Sep 2023
Oct 2023

I've been alluding to the problems of the past summer, and I'm still not ready to go into great detail...there's only so much I want everyone to know about how alcoholism, stage IV cancer, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, suicide risks, mental illness, poverty, death, and just-plain-'ol stress is affecting myself, my immediate family, and those in contact with them. Unlike a lot of families (and like too many other aggregate families), the circle of influencing parties is huge when we've got three kids with no common parents between them all.

The bright side is: we are coming out of this.

The dark side is: by admitting I think that all is well, I have caused Fate to send something to broadside us, pushing us back into the hole.

However, the problems of summer have brought significant changes versus our family's status in March. Allie, my wife's daughter, has moved into a group home to help her deal with Asperger's in conjuntion with her impending freedom at age 18. Destiny's counselling sessions have cause enormous improvement -- while the problems that started her in counseling (difficulty in getting homework done) seem tiny when compared to this summer's dealings, we're lucky she had a counselor in place and she's made an enourmous turnaround. I started seeing a counselor to deal with the stress; while I don't think it's fixed anything, I've gotten some new perspectives on myself. D, is as always, D, stoic and reserved, but she's beginning to realize she needs some help with stress as well, along with the loss of Allie's influence on her life.

We joke that the mental health offices we spend so much time in are having a groundbreaking for the Dahlsad Mental Health Facility any day now. During certain parts of this summer, we, quite literally, spent an hour or two every single day in that building, waiting for one appointment or another.

However, outlook is positive now. Des is doing well, Allie's new home is well-suited for her, D is relaxing into her new freedom, and I'm doing OK.

I've even gotten some extra work, too, in a much more traditional sense. Allie's group home is quite expensive; the house we're living in was rented with the expectation that we'd have us and three children living with us. So, I've re-entered the workplace.

Stress tends to make me feel like a failure; things that are my responsibility go badly, things out of my control affect the things in my control, and nothing seems to be going right. D's freelance work brings in quite a bit of money; me, not so much. Tell someone who thinks he's a failure to go get a job, and in a couple hours ask how he's doing.

All the good jobs require skills I don't have; retail jobs expect work schedules with disregard for other obligations; the pay has to be worth my time; I was fired from my last job, so who'll want to hire me now? All I saw were obstacles.

One morning, while browsing the Job Service website, I find two listings that appeal to me: CopyMax and a document scanning company, ISC. Both use skills I have, both are somewhat related to our home business, and both are part-time jobs. I sent off two resumes, and kept looking to find something else.

ISC called me back that afternoon, and hired me three days later.

I initially blew off Officemax; they did leave a message, offering an interview. I had already been hired by ISC, and felt my plate was full. First, one of the references I gave to Officemax delivered a glowing review of my abilities, and so I felt obligated to live up to their opinion. Then, of course, like I said above -- after getting the job with ISC, I felt everything was going great...requiring Fate to throw a curve-ball, and 3/4 of D's freelance income disappeared. Suddenly, getting a job at Officemax seemed much more urgent. Two interviews over two weeks later, I was offered the job.

For someone who felt rather worthless, getting two job offers for the only two jobs that were applied for, well, that felt good. Doing well at both jobs feels even better. Working 8-10 hours a day, fitting in freelance stuff wherever I can, feels exhausing. However, the money situation is resolved, we've got extra resources to help with the obstacles, so life is looking up.

Not that I say that too loud, else something bad happen. It always does.

Until then, I'll at least let myself feel a little pleasure at recieving paychecks, getting compliments from those who I work for, being recognized for my cool glasses, and otherwise feeling like I'm accomplishing something and holding back the incorporeal horrors that threaten our family. Now, when do I spend time for myself? I'm trying to fit that in, but there's only so many hours in the day. It's a balancing act, and if it keeps Fate from screwing with things for a while, I guess that's OK.

No comments at this time.

Your Name:
Your comment:

blog advertising is good for you
Looking For "Wookies"?