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Sep
27
2005
Ever wonder how Google picks which Adsense ads to show? The common belief is that it's related to the content on the page, and the most likely links that a visitor might click on. Simple, algorithmic, logical, right?

I, however, have new evidence, proving Google is dabbling in the Dark Arts, and has provided Adsense with a supernatural ability to read minds and see the future.

My evidence?

As far as I can tell, this blog -- at this point -- made no mention of the words 'stress', 'pain', 'work', 'panic', etc. Why would Google assign such ads to my blog? 13 Signs of Burnout. Help To Eliminate Anxiety. Panic Attacks -- Learn how to end panic attacks.

Because it's the end of the month, bills are due, sales are slow, and I am stressing out. Majorly. Both me & D. How would Google know this? I haven't written about it. I don't think I've even mentioned it to anybody outside of our immediate family. Google is evil. Of course, after saving this entry, no doubt there won't be any more panic attack or anxiety Adsense ads, despite the page being keyword rich now.

On top of that, someone is trying to make me crazy by embedding evil in radio waves. Yesterday, I was listening to the radio, and an advertisement for a local haute couture bread store came on.

I swear, god as my witness, they advertised half-priced loaves of monkey-brain whole-wheat bread.

Now, it was said quickly, and in such a way that you'd believe they actually said multi-grain -- of course not, how could you make whole wheat bread from monkey brains? -- but, somehow, you know that's exactly what they said. The world is a scary place, and technology is at the root of it. Google ads tell me I'm ont he edge of a panic attack, while my radio tries to sell me monkey-brain pastries. All is now lost.

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