People don't ask it, but I know lots of people think I'm some sort of dark, evil person. That is, when I'm not at work, being your average minion in a dress shirt and slacks. My dresser is full of plain black t-shirts, black socks, and black denim. I have lots of silver jewelry, and I listen to loud angry music. Must be Goth!

So, I took the Goth Test, and scored 17 out of a possible 115.

Still looking for identity, I turned to the Hacker Test, which is unrelated to cracking or malicious hacking, and I scored 0x05C out of a possible 0x200, or as an 'Operator' (which is a step lower than 'Nerd', but higher than a 'User')

Now, I'm on a roll -- online subculture identity is my target.

Next -- the Geek Test. This time a bit better -- 13 out of a possible 30. Just under a 50% score, although it only classifies me as a 'borderline geekster'.

Trying the possibility that I may be more intellectial than alternative, I turn to the Official MIT nerd test. I went through a couple different ones, until finding this one from MIT. MIT, for cripes sakes! Must be valid! Well, I came out at 46 out of a possible 100. Not much better than geekdom, but I will continue to try.

I'm struggling now -- I _must_ belong somewhere!

Well, the Hippy Test says I've got some hippie in me, and that I should 'hang out a while', since I only scored 22 out of a possible 100+....

At this point, I receive the best I've scored so far. Surprisingly, it is the New Age Test, with 20 out of 36 (they say that I a strong foundation and understanding of important topics). Unfortunately, I may know the answers to their questions, but I don't believe any of it. Onward I struggle...

Much to my satisfaction, I score 1 out of 60 on the Canadian Test. The one question I answered had to do with ungodly cold, which we experience here in North Dakota. At least I'm not Canadian.

Back to technology I turn -- the Cyberpunk Test turned out worse than I had expected. Only 34 out of 83, which is still less than half.

Bumming, I struggle to scour the internet, looking for some online test to assign me my own identity. The tests become fewer and fewer, and less represetative of anything at all.

After several more fruitless tests, I begin to see a pattern...Most of the tests include the question, "do you think this test is stupid?" Thinking on that, I come to realize that you can't find admission into some facet of society by passing some test. These tests are _for_ the people that already identify with the aspect of culture that the test is supposed to define.

So, now I take a step back, and look closer at my answers, and see which test I found the funniest, least annoying, and most indicative of me. The Canadian test, of course, and the New Age one, both are eliminated instantly. And the hippy one. Goth, well, I don't listen to goth music, even though I'm dark and sinister. So, let's that the dark clothes with silver crosses with, and leave the rest behind.

Cyberpunk continues in the fashion sense with mirrorshades and such, and then diverges off into the realm of personal beliefs and social commentary, which I agree with, but not nearly as radically.

The technology aspect of the cyberpunk then crosses over into nerdom and geekdom. My fashion sense is already defined by Gothdom, so thankfully I can ignore any references to unpleasant geek dress. But, my knowledge of math & computers leaves here and careens over into the hacker test -- in-depth knowledge of computing hardware and gadgets.

So, What I need to do is take the questions that I got "right" from all of these identity tests, and create a "Derek Test" -- if you are Derek, you'll get 100%. People only kinda Derek maybe get only 60-80% right, and downward from there. Maybe eventually someone trying desperately to find themselves a subculture to identify with will see my page, and learn that they really are me!