Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by Azrael Brown )

111001 in binary equals 57 in decimal....

(Submitted by tom brownlee )

I hope the acne clears up soon.

(Submitted by lambie )

hmmm....someone sure uses alot of facial tissu...major cooties? ohhhhh....Auto Dish?? OMG..OOOOMG..we have a winner! MT DEW CD RE!! YEEEEEHAAAA...DO THE DEW!

(Submitted by Jimmy the Pinhead )

When banana squash grunt They grunt for each other Not for you or me Or anybody's mother A poem I wrote for John Zagorski and Luke Veldt at Wheaton College in 1983

(Submitted by cheeky monkey )

Hey, not only did he but a nice PHOTO FRAME, but hegot a ROSE FRAME! how special! i wonder whose pics hes gonna put in it

(Submitted by BB )

Wonder what they put on a Mountain Dew CD? The sound of someone drinking it? The picture of a fridge full of MD so you feel like you ever run out? The Mountain Dew Top 40? "Oh, if you want to be with me, there's a price you have to pay, Mountain Dew in a bottle, you gotta drink me the right way!"

(Submitted by colorchrome )

hey! you didn't buy my mommy a birthday present!!

(Submitted by Uncle Sam )

*SALUTING THE VETERANS*

(Submitted by dragonzgaze )

ohhhh it is so very nice to see you are back at matt's wal-mart. we all know that no one is better at running a wal-mart then matt. frames, and facial tissue, and a mt dew cd......sounds like an interesting weekend at your house derek........*waving to all*

(Submitted by Huh? )

** grabbing more TISSU ** And here I was on the last receipt just waxing on about young lust and Lambie and the Cowboy...and Derek buys me more FACIAL TISSU! Oh joy!

(Submitted by Huh? )

** Friendly Advice being dished out here ** Just don't mix up the Body Wash and Auto Dish TA, you might peel some skin off. Take it from someone who knows!

(Submitted by Huh? )

** standing up and stretching ** And one more thing before I go skipping off into my beautiful day: Are the STORAGE BAGS to put over an ugly picture in the PHOTO FRAME? **waving bye and grabbing my Dew Code Red **

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Nice to see that the GV40WT has gone DECO. Ah, the Belle Artes do a GV good. And a ROSE FRAME too! Wow, pricey, Derek, must be some rose you've got there. Hey, ya'll remember when Derek used to buy ALL that SCOTTS SOIL? Man O man, times do change. I wonder if he ever actually grew anything. I'd like to think he grew a beautiful rose and now he is going to frame it. p.s. (I'm eating raw pop tarts in bed at 3pm!! heeheehee...don't tell anyone)

(Submitted by Dally )

AUTO DISH TA

(Submitted by lambie )

awwww Huh...did you have to mention the cowboy...*sniff**sniff* TISSU please...*taking a sip of the MT DEW CD RE* awwwww...only thing better than DOING THE DEW is getting a hat tipper from the cowboy!

(Submitted by BBoy )

hmm.. a raw pop-tart. I get a vision of Geri Halliwell posing for Playboy.

(Submitted by TAFKAT )

Now THAT'S funny...good 'un BB.

(Submitted by Matt Krieg's #2 Fan )

!!!! I AM SO HAPPY TO SEE THAT DEREK HAS FINALLY COME TO HIS SENSES AND IS SHOPPING AT MATT KRIEG'S WAL-MART! DARRYL DOES NOT HOLD A CANDLE TO MATT, AS MATT IS A HIGHLY TRAINED MANAGER WHO IS #1 IN CUSTOMER SATISFACTION. MATT KRIEG KNOWS HOW TO ROLL BACK PRICES AND HIS END CAP DISPLAYS ARE TRULY BREATHTAKING! MATT KRIEG IS #1 AND I AM PROUD TO CALL MYSELF HIS FAN!!!!!!!

(Submitted by MattKreig'sStripper )

I met Matt in a club I work at and let me tell you he's about 100% customer satisafaction. Right after I gave him a lap dance to Warrant's Cherry Pie, I told him that my boy didn't like his WWF Y2J hockey jersey and do you know what he did? He gave me back the money out of his own pocket. I was then so moved, I asked him to marry me and he said his only bride was customer satisfaction and then he left. I was just a victim of the night blinded by his customer satisfaction light.

(Submitted by K-mart )

When should we expect teh kmart cite? perhaps safeway? all of you are too board. Get a life.

(Submitted by Webster )

As soon as you get a dikshunairy.

(Submitted by Get a Vocabulary )

I gather they don't sell dictionaries at K-Mart.

(Submitted by Roget )

heh heh...you go Webster!

(Submitted by Brit Chick )

Derek, are you gonna be using your AUTO DISH TA to apply the BODY WASH? What have you put in the ROSE FRAME? A picture of Matt Krieg would be nice.

(Submitted by lambie )

hey...did k-mart just call us BOARD? I aint no board! lets lock him up in a storage bin...until he sees "the light"

(Submitted by lambie )

....OR....until he has a close encounter with the ROLL BACK little dude!

(Submitted by Abi )

Get a life, get a life, la la laaa!!! It's sooo long since we heard that one......!!! Gawd, we are surrounded by original thinkers here...

(Submitted by Jack )

Stiff I may be, but never board!

(Submitted by The Cowboy )

--^^-- tipping hat to Matt Krieg's stripper --^^--

(Submitted by Matt Krieg's #2 Fan )

WHILE HE MAY HAVE SIGNED HIS NAME "K-MART", I KNOW THAT SLIPPERY EEL IS REALLY DARRYL MARCHETTA IN DISGUISE. DARRYL IS UPSET AND OUT OF CONTROL SINCE HE KNOWS THAT MATT KRIEG IS TRULY #1 IN CUSTOMER SATISFACTION AND ROLLBACKS. THE ABOVE TESTIMONY FROM A PERSONAL STRIPPER PROVES IT WITHOUT A DOUBT. FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND 99.9% OF HIS CHECKOUT GIRLS WILL ATTEST TO HIS CONCERN AND PERSONAL ATTENTION, AS WILL MRS. EUNICE GUTRUMBLE. OBVIOUSLY DARRYL'S STORE DOES NOT EVEN CARRY DICTIONARIES! MATT'S STORE HAS A WIDE VARIETY OF DICTIONARIES AND COMMUNCATION DEVICES. SO DARRYL, GO AHEAD AND HIDE BEHIND THE “K-MART” NAME BECAUSE MAYBE THAT IS WHERE YOU REALLY BELONG! MATT KRIEG IS #1!! THREE CHEERS FOR MATT! MATT! MATT!

(Submitted by Huh? )

** TRUST ME I'M AN EXCELLENT DRIVER ** K-mart Sucks!

(Submitted by Huh? )

** reaching around to pat myself on the back ** I can't believe no one thought of saying that before me! ** yawning at K-marts "BOARDING" comments **

(Submitted by Johnny Cash )

I'll be comin' in June!

(Submitted by The WalMart Cheerleader )

Give me a W! Give me an A! Give me an L! Give me a Squiggly! Give me an M! Give me an A! Give me an R! Give me a T! What's that spell? Wal-Mart! Who's number one? The Customer! Always!

(Submitted by susie )

Dear #2 fan, what is a rollback, where is the #1 fan,oops mcccomputer has gone cookie bananas......

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

MMMMMMMM... BODY WASH!

(Submitted by Joe Walton III )

Dear Wal*Mart shoppers, Mr Walton has asked me to tell you that Matt Krieg has been relieved of his duties at Dilworth. Too many of the receipts from that store were being returned in a spindled, folded or mutilated condition. We have told Mr Krieg about maintaining his printing machinery, and indeed spent many hours training his staff in tearing off the receipt once it has been printed. But we have our suspicions that Mr Krieg tells his staff to revert to the old way, and tear a tiny corner off the following receipt. The sample on this page has only confirmed our suspicions. Mr Krieg has been reassigned to the education camp at the end of aisle 176, pending a personnel review. Please be assured that customer service is our number one aim, and Mr Krieg will not be rested until it is achieved.

(Submitted by lambie )

*sniff**sniff*...HUH...pass me a TISSU please...cowboy is tippin' his hat at another! *sniff**sniff*

(Submitted by MattKreigsStripper )

I'm not Matt's personal stripper but a girl can dream can't she?

(Submitted by Note to Joe Walton )

so..joe walton if that is your name, you have nothing to do with walmart. your little letter has many errors. our machines cut the recept so matt has noting to do with the way the recepts end up. and last thing you relly fucked up on was sam walton is dead. he died long time ago.

(Submitted by asdfjkl; )

walmart cheerleader you forgot the little grunt at the end of the cheer

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Did somebunny mention bananas?

(Submitted by Brit Chick )

Yeh, and cookies....mmmmmmmm *licking lips* I like all cookies even banana ones

(Submitted by Habib )

TITS!!! Damn...you're right. That DOES feel good.

(Submitted by Matt Krieg's Wife )

You can dream but you will never have my husband. He is mine, I even have the receipt.

(Submitted by Mustafu )

What are these TITS that you say of? I am new to this language and have never heard the word TITS. TITS spoken with a wierd accent or regular? Are TITS a big deal in English? I seen it on four places here and I wondered what TITS is. Are TITS come on cars? It is in big letters, buy TITS at the store walmart?

(Submitted by Webster, Too )

I notice that "Note to Joe Walton" needs a dikshunairy, also.

(Submitted by Webster, Too )

"relly relly" needs a dikshunairy.

(Submitted by Matt Krieg's #2 Fan )

DEAR SUSIE: I AM MATT'S #2 FAN BECAUSE MATT'S #1 FAN KEEPS GIVING HIM THOSE LAP DANCES AND I HAVE TO STAND IN LINE. A ROLLBACK IS A CONTORTED MOVE THAT ONLY MATT'S #1 FAN CAN DO.

(Submitted by Paul )

Is this guy crazy? What gave this guy the idea to do this web site? CRAZY!

(Submitted by MattKreig'sStripper )

Ok Dan M stop trying to cause trouble by posing as his wife. We all know his only love is 100% customer satisfaction and has no room in his life for anything else. I hope Matt won't mind but I owe MK Fan #2 a special lap dance but don't think my love for Matt has swayed in anyway.

(Submitted by Matt Kreig's Wife )

It's not Dan M. I am Matt Krieg's wife. Just you leave him alone you sex crazed maniac, go and find your own lap to dance on.

(Submitted by Matt Krieg's Wife )

Yes, yes, you don't need to tell me that I can't spell my husband's surname correctly. It was a slip of the keys. These leather gloves make it damn hard to type.....

(Submitted by lambie )

*heading to Sporting Goods to grab a chair so I can be comfortable watching the fight between the stripper and Matt's wife*

(Submitted by scrotum )

what's a storage bag?

(Submitted by stuart )

Don't you have anything better to do with your life?

(Submitted by Huh? )

** looking up ** Stu are you talkin' ta me?

(Submitted by Huh? )

** yawning with disinterest and falling back into toaster box ** Really, Stu and all you other snipers, come up with something more original. So typical, so boring, like we haven't heard that one a million times? Careful or I'll send that cowboy after you with his spurs.

(Submitted by BB )

If our purpose in life is to be an object of scorn and derision for the Stuarts of this world (perhaps even the next, possums?), and to give them the satisfaction of the well-turned putdown, the polished sneer, THEN INCLUDE ME OUT!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Hey BB, *giggling girlishly* can't get your flippers off my mind.

(Submitted by Dally- Proudly Representing Everything The Taliban Hates About American Culture )

*pulling up a beanbag, and plopping down next to lambie* So, lambie, what's up with you and the Marboro Man? *stretching and folding my hands behind my head* Yep, I remember when I first fell for Derek. He was my first receipt infatuation. It might have worked had we not lived 1,000s of miles apart, or had I not been old enough to be his welfare mother, and then there was that pesky husband thing, and the fact that he's, like, a rock star and I'm just a groupie in his virtual Wal*Martian terrarium. But, you know, it just goes to show...um...er..I'm not sure what it shows but I'm sure it must show something. Say, you got any pop-tarts?

(Submitted by lambie )

Dally...the marlboro man tip his hat at me....what can I say, my head is easily turned with a hat tipper...anyhow....HEY..I like that lepoard print bean bag you picked out...you should go back to the shoe department and get matching slippers....oh, and part tarts? boy do I HAVE pop tarts...lets see..I have Wild Berries..Frosted Strawberry...Frosted Blueberry...Frosted Cherry..and of course, MY FAVORITE...CHOCOLATE..we're talking TRIPLE chocolate here, Dally!

(Submitted by MOGGEE )

I find it odd that a guy named "scrotum" doesn't know what a 'storage bag' is.

(Submitted by lieu )

whoosh! :)

(Submitted by lieu )

so an ant wins a bet with an elephant and as payment get's to have his way with the pachyderm. halfway through, a coconut falls out of a palm tree and hits the elephant on the head. when the elephant says "ouch", the ant looks up and says "yeah, take it all bitch."

(Submitted by Ant )

Actually, it was bee-yatch. Bwaaahaaaa

(Submitted by Scarface )

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper. The bartender says, “Hey! Did you know you have a steering wheel attached to your willie? ”The pirate replies, “Aye! It’s driving me nuts!

(Submitted by Lauren H )

You my friend are awesome, the brilliance demonstrated here shows your ability to be creative and your abundance in spare time, keep up the work. :-) (ps: im in school right now so i shouldnt be doing this lol)

(Submitted by K-Mart )

Okay, so you caught us. Yes, we admit it. We're jealous. We know we suck and are vastly inferior to Wal-Mart. That's why we were hoping to detour you from here and come over to the dark side. But it would never work. We just suck too much.

(Submitted by jiblet )

Wow, you have quite a following on this site. Judging by the number of messages posted in 5 days it is much more popular than the site I'm paid a hefty salary to work on 40 hours a week :)

(Submitted by Wal*Tart )

heeheeheehee...chocolate please.

(Submitted by Dal )

Speaking of MT DEW CD RD, I'm taking this comedy sketch writing class with this SNL writer (don't ask me why) and I want to do a piece on men's urinating positions - it's been a year since the "Superman" and "Flying Nun" bit and I am STILL laughing my ovaries off over that receipt. So, guys, can you help me out with any other peeing positions? Andre, I just know you have some demented favorite...*wondering how Edgar Gutrumble pees*

(Submitted by Just Wondering )

Who likes jiblets in their gravy?

(Submitted by Huh? )

Lauren, cover your eyes because this is an adult site and Dal just said "pee". **get back to class **

(Submitted by The Cowboy )

--^^-- tipping hat to lieu -- ^^--

(Submitted by gravy no jiblets (as my brother says "I don't eat nuthin' with a function") )

OMG, I just checked out the cameltoe site. Spider Monkey you spin! Re: the chick in the red? who knew they made red rubber bands that size?

(Submitted by emoticonartist )

)!( look i made a cameltoe!! (still hard at work on the mullet)

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

Let's see - there's the SUMO (stand on the seat, lift one leg, then the other NO NOT AT THE SAME TIME *sheesh* and crouch down into the dojo position ..... the LUKE SKYWALKER (only applicable in narrow rooms or stalls) - picture L.S. in the garbage compactor - picture how one person tries to stop the walls closing in on him - picture him taking advantage of this position ..... or *blush* my favourite, the THREE POINTER - open the window, stand outside and lob from mid-field for the match- winning 3 points yay!

(Submitted by Spider Monkey of the West Coast )

Two things. 1. UCB fuckin ruled. Are you studying under someone off UCB, Dal? That would be my dream. (The guy off there who is on the daily show w/ JStewart shouldn't try to be dumb, it's just not funny.) 2. Thanks. I wasn't sure if I put the right ones on the separate page, I saw a couple more that probably should have been there.

(Submitted by Dally Monkey of the East Coast )

Yep, I'm studying at UCB under Ali Farahnakain. He's a founding member and is just coming off a one-man show called "Word of Mouth". He's also done a lot of Second City and recently wrote the VH1 Fashion Awards. You must have caught my tag in the addy, you clever monkey!! I'm thrilled you know the group!! As to the cameltoes, well, ya know, most of us are over 18, and some of us even have c- toes of our own, so I say blind us, baby!

(Submitted by it's a lot of letters for one name )

oops! the name is Farahnakian not -ain.

(Submitted by Abi )

I've been inspired by the cameltoe site, all my female friends are getting The Rainbow Butterfly for Christmas this year.....

(Submitted by SM )

I thought it was awesome when you said that about spinning, because when I occasionally dj my name is DJ Spider Monkey (techno not rap, dang, how could you think that of me?). Even funnier? I was looking at a site that mentioned Ali Farahnakian as a teacher and one of the big headings on the page said "Spider Monkey". Yeah. Totally amazing.

(Submitted by SM )

I, Spider_Monkey, do hereby swear to embrace chaos, to disrupt the sedentary status quo at all costs, to fight the manipulative regulation of government and social norm. I will engage the narrow-minded and expose them for their ignorance.

(Submitted by MOGGEE )

I see the lovely Amy Poehler (Colby)has made the leap from UCB to SNL.. Way To Go, Girl!

(Submitted by "Blitz" Krieg )

I work for Matt, his middle name is Customer Satisfaction. A god he is A god to us all......they should change Christmas to Kriegmas. Such a joyous holiday it would be....Matt Krieg with your nose so bright, won't you satisfy your customers tonight!

(Submitted by Rose Frame )

I'd like Matt to satsify *me* tonight.

(Submitted by Chaos is My Friend )

wow...like...kismit, SM! Even more bizarre is the fact that sometimes I dress up in leather and...er, nevermind.

(Submitted by Dally taking peeing notes - thanks BB )

For anyone remotely interested, UCB stands for the "Upright Citizen's Brigade" - a improv comedy troupe based here in NYC. They had a short- lived (although critically aclaimed series on Comedy Central- though, in truth I never saw it, myself). They're pretty out there. Okay, so now could you tell me this. Abi, wots a rainbow butterfly??

(Submitted by Huh? )

** sucking in gut ** Hey everybody, check out my new outfit at www.nudesuit.com! Yup that's me! You like it? ** rolling on the lycra **

(Submitted by Huh? )

** rubbing hands in anticipation ** Mr. Huh and I are going to do a special reading tonight from www.backdoor.com/thenumber/pen is1.html. Earth, air, fire or water, what's your sign?

(Submitted by Huh? )

** waving bye now ** Maybe that will get me a hat tip from the cowboy?

(Submitted by BB )

*Marilym Monroe voice* Happy Birthday to You..Hapyy Birthday to You..Happy Birthday ol' receipt site..Happy Birthday to You *rewind and play back* hmmm, that sounded more like Marilyn Manson

(Submitted by newboy returns )

Hey Huh? Can you buy nudesuits at Wal*Mart?

(Submitted by Huh? )

** digging into shopping bag ** Oh yes Walmart carries everything! Here ya go Newboy, fits like a glove! But I must say that the women's model looks funny on you.... ** thinking about the Crying Game **

(Submitted by Huh? )

** sighing ** no hat tip from the cowboy, I was hoping he'd like my outfit. ** adjusting my nudesuit and waving bye bye for now **

(Submitted by asbestos )

I bet yr fat. Fat and sweaty.

(Submitted by Big Uns )

The bigger the better the tighter the sweater. I like them big, fat and sweaty.

(Submitted by The Observer )

I observe that this site has gone to the dogs. Woof.

(Submitted by Snoop Doggy Dog )

P*H*A*T is how I like my women.

(Submitted by Egbert De Montifort )

Fukin Americans always doin stoopid things... DO YOU HAVE A LIFE? outside of tissues?!!!!!! WASSUP Snoop, glad to see you take time out from smokin bongs and 'nobbin' bitches to contribute to such a acedemically stimuliating and worthy site. PHAT is how i like my PC. BIN LADEN RULES! OK?

(Submitted by Abi )

Dal - look on the cameltoe.org site, the front page, scroll down and there's an ad for a Rainbow Butterfly......say no more!!!

(Submitted by NOOOO! )

I'm refusing to buy rainbow butterflies for anybody, you can't just mess with nature like that. Let things run their course. (also, I bet you couldn't find out where they are sold without extensive research)

(Submitted by Wal-Bart )

Eat my shorts! They're in aisle 3

(Submitted by Brit Chick )

Dezza, me old mucka, get down them bloody shops mate and giz us a new receipt. Surely you must have run out of facial tissues by now?

(Submitted by lambie )

worrying about Derek...has he gone over to the "other side"..is he checking out the "blue light specials"...should we plan an "intervention" for Derek? DEprogram the blue light OUT of his head? ooooooohhhh...poor poor Derek...*sniff* TISSU please..and a shoulder to cry on...wheres that hat tippin' cowboy when ya need him? *sniff**sniff*

(Submitted by The Cowboy )

Here Mam, use my bandana --^^- - tipping hat to Lambie --^^--

(Submitted by Dally with a Silver Toe Ring )

Thanks Cakes! I checked out the Rainbow Butterfly and to quote the Anti-Dally (somehow Mr. Dally just doesn't fly) "Well, that's just the dopiest (sic?) thing I've ever heard. It's like a guy trying to hide a ten inch dick. I mean *why* the hell would you wanna do something like that?" I dunno either but when I heard the word "dopey" come out of his mouth I just fell off the bed laughing. Ohhhh gawd...Derek, honey, get your fine little ass to the store already, I'm starting to get punchy.

(Submitted by Dal - Eyes Gazing Over )

*visualizing Derek's fine ass*

(Submitted by BB with a bath ring )

Oh, I find much simple pleasure when I've had a tiring day, In the bath, In the bath Where the noise of gently sponging seems to blend with my top A, In the bath, In the bath To the skirl of pipes vibrating in the boiler room below, I sing a pot pourri of all the songs I used to know, And the water thunders in and gurgles down the overflow, In the bath, In the bath. Then the loathing for my fellows rises steaming from my brain, In the bath, In the bath And condenses to the milk of human kindness once again, In the bath, In the bath Oh, the tingling of the scrubbing brush, the flannel's soft caress, To wield a lordly loofah is a joy I can't express, How truly it is spoken one is next to godliness, In the bath, In the bath.

(Submitted by Ryan )

Awesome

(Submitted by Shocking!!! )

Careful don't drop the laptop in the suds.

(Submitted by lambie )

*snort**honk**ahhhhhCHOO*....a www..thank you cowboy, you ole hat tipper you......want the bandana back?

(Submitted by Huh? )

** scrubbing the tub ** Ah the scent of comet in the morning. BB, honey, you gotta get out more often.

(Submitted by Huh? )

** waving the scrub brush ** Lambie!! Hi doll! Know how you make a bandana dance? Blow a little boogie in it!

(Submitted by Huh? )

** blowing kisses ** Hey kids, I brought you all the important discovery of the camel toes site. Now here's another that's good for a giggle: www.missvera.com ** Happy Thanksgiving to all **

(Submitted by lambie )

Hiya Huh...pleeeeeeeease tell me that our cowboy is NOT from that site! pleeeeeeease! and...HAPPY TURKEY DAY FOLKS!! from my house, uh, FARM, to yours!

(Submitted by susie )

Nice clean BB

(Submitted by Jesus )

I am the way. Prepare for salvation.

(Submitted by Gern Blandston )

To Matt Krieg Fan #1 and #2.. Darryl Marchetta was working at his WalMart one day, minding his own business, delivering the total satisfaction that his customers are accustomed to daily. Then, a slovenly man wearing a "Matt Kreig Rocks" t-shirt was spotted in the diaper section with a spider monkey and a bag full of merchandise that he knew hadn't been paid for. Springing to action, Darryl sprinted to the undergarment aisle where he saw the Matt Krieg fan stuffing Dri- Bottoms in his cum-stained sweats as fast as possible (or as fast as one human being and a spidermonkey can possibly stuff things in sweatpants) "Stop, you filthy scofflaw!" bellowed Darryl. "FUCK YOU!" screamed the man, as he headed for the door. As Darryl went to pursue the thief, the spidermonkey crapped in his little spidermonkey hand and flung it at Darryl. "Monkey crap can't stop me from keeping prices low for my customers!!", said Darryl as he ran the man down, fell upon him, and subjected him to hellish behaviour modifications in the storeroom. "Maybe that will keep you on the straight and narrow." said Darryl. Just then, the man spit in his face... Enraged, Darryl found a Garden Weasel and bludgeoned the man to death with it. The moral of the story... Don't fuck with Darryl Marchetta... he'll hurt ya. Fo' real, doe.

(Submitted by Spider Monkey )

Hey! I don't take sides in the Krieg/Marchetta conflict, mostly because I find both of thier managerial talents are somewhat weak compared to mine. Sure they care about the customer, but I'm telling you, that is NOT the bottom line when running a store. Let me assure you, a REAL manager's motto goes as follows. FLURK THE CUSTOMER! ABUSE THE EMPLOYEES! OH, IT'S SO FUN! I certainly was not involved in any theft. I have more important things to do. Wait a second, Jimmy is heading for the bathroom, and he really looks like he has to take a crap. I'd better tell him about a carryout I want him to do first. And then he can get those damn leaves out of the gutter... Let's see, what else... Oh, nevermind, I better stop him before he gets to the bathroom.

(Submitted by Mother Dearest )

You can find alot about a guy and his purchases, especially when he buys 4 boxes of facial tissues

(Submitted by Gern Blandston )

In other news, a spider monkey that was involved in a bizarre Wal-Mart robbery was cleared of any wrong doing today in district court. When asked what his plans were, the spidermonkey was quoted as saying, "eee, eee, eee, eek." and then promptly threw a large handful of spidermonkey shit at the crowd. Back to you in the studio, Jim.....

(Submitted by Looney )

This is the nuttiest web site I have ever seen. I wonder if my boss knows he just paid me $60.00 for reading this site for the last 15 minutes? Strange little man!

(Submitted by Which one? )

Hey, I'm with looney. I think we all should make $240.00/hr. to read this kind of web treasure. I hope lightning.prohosting.com is getting alot of business for this.?~) All of this makes me hungry for some captain crunchberries. Whatayasay?

(Submitted by Andre )

You got paid 60 bucks for 15 minutes? God dang nail polish doesn't fix those ladders like it used to.

(Submitted by Gern Blandston )

If anyone spots the spidermonkey, please contact me at once....

(Submitted by Dan Calhoun )

I like to use facial tissue when I have a BM

(Submitted by konfyoozed )

That's the one, THAT'S THE ONE!!! Oh, yeeeeeaaaah...the texture, the contrast, the 11 items on the 11th month and the 10/01 to add to 11...the afternoon shopping sortie, when you might have otherwise been at gainful employment...the 3 facial tissues that suggest you cried rivers after realizing you'd made the masterpiece purchase of your illustrious WalMart shopping career. You knew to buy at least one photo frame to frame this monumentous receipt (I detect some recursion here). I assert that you are an unsung genius in your own right, and should give that Matt Krieger a call, and say proudly, "Hey, Matt, this is Derek.................Derek... ............Derek? What kind of manager are you? If you don't know me by now, maybe I shouldn't shop at your store anymore. YOU JUST BLEW IT, MATT!" and then hang up, knowing full well that this world will soon be yours, it's just a matter of time, heh, heh........