Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

I'd like to thank my shrink, and my parents, otherwise I wouldnt be here *giggle* and God, and you like me! You really like me!

(Submitted by rainy )

hot damn! number 2! you know, derek must be going somewhere else for thanksgiving-he hasn't bought another chore boy to cook the turkey.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

Auto dish, for eating in the car I guess. I love a Whopper every now and then myself. By the way, don't drive and drink, you might hit a bump and spill it. Also, this won't make the papers, but I was asked to post it anyway. "Walmart website saves family" See the BBS page for details.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

And what in the f*ck are you doing with all those paper towels? Wiping your Democratic tears away? Get over it, the fag lost and the drunk won. Who cares?

(Submitted by Ninja )

Hey its been a while...but i see derek has kept up with his hygiene...with the twl 3pk and the swabs...and of course you need the auto dish ta for that extra fresh feeling

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

*womanfully exerting butt pressure against the upper half of the bivalve to keep the dang thing open* Balmain Boy, I must know, I simply must know: can you give me the time and date of your first post on this receipt? Mercy me I've been trying for yonks but I just never seem to succeed, and it's even harder when I'm trying to maintain some ladylike emmollusculated decorum.

(Submitted by Andre )

Being the only person what's keeping tabs on who's attending this shrine, I should issue a very haughty and warm welcome to Ninja on his/her/its return. I hope s/he can see me waving through all these pesky butts though, the fog is getting might heavy.........................

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

Ignoramuses every one of you

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

You haven't even noticed, have you

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

Yes, go ahead, post away, clamber over each other to be 53rd poster or whatever, splatter your egos all over the net, while you ignore all that is significant

(Submitted by Cockney Rebel )

I'm really curious about the SWABS. What is he cleaning with those? Are they ear, nose, and throat SWABS, or does Walmart sell sailors now? And has Derek gone over to the "other side"?

(Submitted by sissy )

April 3 of 1999 you bought a auto dish what in the world are these for those of us that are just to stupd to know

(Submitted by Abi )

BPL chicken - the only thing I can think was the Big D went for it with cough mixture that evening and I posted a comment on that receipt ! No?

(Submitted by Chiquita )

A big fat nanner gobble to y'all. And a very happy first Thanksgiving Day to Hannah Eve & "baby girl lieu." Abi, do you guys have Thanksgiving Day over there? If not, we'll all celebrate on Hannah's behalf.

(Submitted by a12stepgirl )

Well, I raced out to be first at the Big K to get a couple of baby Furbys on sale (is it alright to mention Kmart on the Walmart receipts site?). Anyway, these Furbys keep saying "Ta Ta"... I'm wondering if they are gonna mention the "Auto Dish Ta" next.

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

Naughty Mrs Campbell, that isnt your real e-mail address, but then this isn't mine either! The new receipt pages (that I have been keeping track of) mostly get posted at about 1PM-2PM Australian Eastern time - which would be after-dinner time in Fargo.3 Cheers for the White TimTam!

(Submitted by iluvmybabies )

First time posting...Happy Thanksgiving...anyway, I love this website. A cool time killer! It's been great looking at the recipts and especially all the posters...hello everyone! Well, I plan on visiting again. Bye.

(Submitted by cookiecrumbler )

What, no cookies ?

(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal )

Hi and happy tday to all the regs and all the newbies! I LOVE days off work!!

(Submitted by Not Andre )

Here, everyone. lift your butts; let me spread this nice tablecloth - it will block out that gloomy face looking up through the glass

(Submitted by Jennifer )

So, I got up, in the middle of the night for some SWABS, and enroute stepped in some dog sh*t. And I don't have a dog. These boxes aren't really big enuff. And what is this silver sh*t???

(Submitted by Jenny-poo )

Really, I'm not as thunk as you drink I am.

(Submitted by Freud )

Screw Mushu and the Compubank he rode in on.

(Submitted by goat )

you didn't buy anything on my birthday...not once in 4 years. i hate you

(Submitted by Margot Lane )

My pet dog is named Owsboig and we have to clean his ears with swabs, paper towels etc...he gets quite a buildup, I undertstand about how many towels u had to buy, it makes sooo much sense...

(Submitted by Abi )

Hi Chiq - I hope you had a good Thanksgiving - we don't have it over here - and thank you for thinking of Hannah Eve! Happy nanners! and see you next week! Jennifer - d'you want to borrow the Body Wash for your feet?

(Submitted by AnnMarie )

ok whats an autodish? an ash tray a cup holder?

(Submitted by bifteck )

i like lobsters and balloons

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

The 200th receipt, you dolts!

(Submitted by Freud )

Don't feel bad goat he missed my birthday by one day in 97 and 98.

(Submitted by Abi )

Happy Monday everybody! I trust you all had a good Thanksgiving!!

(Submitted by Terry )

Pretty good, thank you...but the turkey was a little overcooked.

(Submitted by Abi )

hey Terry - glad you're back - have you managed to get all the soot off yet - if not *here have a sponge & body wash*!!

(Submitted by Terry )

'scuse me, but THAT didn't get burnt...on second thought...Anyhoo, what happened to everybody...you haven't been playing with the site again, have you?

(Submitted by Abi )

Who me? - I've not touched anything, honestly! Not unless I've been asked to anyway......

(Submitted by a12stepgirl )

I can't believe Derek didn't catch any of the great after Thanksgiving bargains at the 'mart. How disappointing. Do you think he was shopping at the mall?

(Submitted by germaniac )

AVAST YE SWABS and hoist the auto dish! Happy Holidays folks...good to be back among the butts

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Terry luv, SO glad you're back! Here, sit on this PLANT SAUCER & let Chiqca cool that soot-covered nanner off a little. *ice dripping from fingers* By the by, I hear the new bicycle made it thru the blaze unharmed... WOO-HOO!

(Submitted by Terry )

Good lord, I'm gonna need some more WM P TWL 3PK...

(Submitted by in lieu of rosie )

i saw a nice t&a on a beautiful little dish the other day. wish she'd been an automatic and i resided in utah. nice housewarming, terry. especially liked the smoked turkey and twice-baked potatoes. seriously, glad there's a lot to be thankful for wif y'all. hi abi, chiq, germey, jenn, suz 'n all others! jeez, i feel really, really fat today.

(Submitted by lieu(ny tunes) )

every time i hit netscape's "reload" button me thinks of either mark whalburg in boogie nights or of my third trip through the thanksgiving buffet line. do you use dial? don't you wish everyone did?

(Submitted by Terry )

Damn good lunch...I wonder, D man, do they have a Hooters restaurant up there? And if so, maybe, another website of your Hooters receipts...or just the tip totals...BTW, thanks again, to all, for the caring. The family's "cool" now.

(Submitted by in lieu of knock(ers) knock(ers) jokes )

you've heard what the leper said to the prostitute?

(Submitted by bada boom )

you can keep the tip...

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Hi Everybody! Glad all the Terrys are safe. Thanks lieu...je t'adore! By the way, I'm not a Gore fan..he just scares me less than George W., well he did anyway, actually Al's really getting on my nerves..Bring on the Bush. Ya know, erotic leftovers are just delicious with a dab of cranberry sauce in the right place..mmmm...piquant! *climbing back into my Bacchanalian Horizonal Love Fridge*

(Submitted by steaming hot vessel of... oh, sorry, wrong site. )

mind if i stop bye for a cold one?

(Submitted by Dally )

Chicq, most gorgeous nanner girl, could you spare a nanner skin?

(Submitted by Hot Stuff )

Personal hygene...always an issue...must have that three-ply! Poor Derek must be having plumbing problems! As for the swabs...I have personal expeiriance w/them...*heehee*! Well, guys I must be going,now! Enjoy the three-ply, Derek!

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Oh sure, Dally-ants. Here, let me peel this fresh, slightly green nanner for ya. *tossing slippery nanner skin NY-way* Now, don't slip on it, m'kay? We wouldn't want to have to swab you up off the floor.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

But Darling! You can't be SERIOUS...must I REALLY wait until Christmas to open it???? *hopping on my tippy toes*

(Submitted by in lieu of pugil sticks )

hoppe's #9 brushes, swabs and patches are made for cleaning orifices' of every calibur and with right or left-handed grooves. should be able to find them right inbetween the aim-n-flames and mkay-y wipes.

(Submitted by in lieu of fire engine red (umm, sorry terry) )

me thinks the reason bananas are such a bright yellow is because you gals are always trying to hide them from us.

(Submitted by costello )

hey abibutt!

(Submitted by Hey Mr Postman! )

The customs sticker kinda spoils the surprise, huh? BUT you must set a good example for the children!

(Submitted by Little Moth )

Nice to be back...Missed you folks...

(Submitted by Little Moth )

One, two, four. Have you ever had a job you really wanted to shoot yourself in the head while doing? If I ever vote again I will be nuts. I even tried to disqualify myself buy telling the canvasing board that I might cheat... I was told that they would see it on the camera. I am too tired...

(Submitted by Terry )

I got a job once and shot somebody else in the head, but that's probably not the same thing you're talking about.

(Submitted by good 'n )

har har har!

(Submitted by Abi )

Terry - I just hope you had plenty of swabs to hand....

(Submitted by in lieu of hollow points )

do you think rubbered bullets might have prevented any marks or mess?

(Submitted by in lieu of animal husbandry )

do the israelis think they're using condom sense when they employ rubber bullets? yassir says no suh but the hole concept just blows me away.

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

A pleasant experience is ahead. Don't pass it by !

(Submitted by Anti Claus )

A pleasant experience is head, too.

(Submitted by Hummingbird )

Should I dump my significantly younger, significantly gorgeous, Israeli lover, Grass Hopper? He's getting a little cocky.

(Submitted by A smart woman )

Never dump a cocky lover.

(Submitted by in lieu of philly cheese )

if you're talking while eating a hot dog, is that considered a cockney accent? wood any of you gals relish that?

(Submitted by in lieu of whines )

jeenifer, i'm STILL curious what maker and vintage you've been swilling. i love it when women talk about essences and fruits and aromas (but not bouquets).

(Submitted by popeye )

I know a d*ck that needs a good swabbing.

(Submitted by WalFixture )

So Hummingbird, you found another Jewish guy that can't punch a hole correctly. Where are you? Florida?

(Submitted by Roland Onfleur )

he he he

(Submitted by ole' chestnut )

i guess in a denuded forest you no longer have any hardwoods?

(Submitted by in lieu of otc )

screw johnson & johnson. i want a swab made by masters & johnson!

(Submitted by masterful johnson )

somebody call me?

(Submitted by brunette )

what do you get when you cross a blonde girl's legs?

(Submitted by Hummingbird )

Smart woman - excellent point..no,no, Walfix, the boy can punch a hole. Extremely pro-Bush actually...

(Submitted by Brad )

I'm just glad my name isn't Chad.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

GREAT NEWS EVERYBODY!!! I've decided to move to Austrailia...gonna start me a didgeridoo farm and sell NADS door to door!

(Submitted by Dal *abashed* )

but first I'm gonna learn to spell Australia

(Submitted by Tallyrand )

Napoleon was short.

(Submitted by ayn rand )

napoleon was perceived in the wrong light.

(Submitted by it's a one-way valve, dammit! )

how did chad get pregnant? was he in prison? did someone make him their bitch?

(Submitted by Testicals )

It's two-fer Tuesday!

(Submitted by Testicles the Elder )

Things are boring a round here at the Scrotus Maximus, just hanging out and Roman about. I'm soooo ready for a good sacking.

(Submitted by brunette )

no, i'm serious! really, what do you get? i've never seen them that way.

(Submitted by Airplane Parts Guy )

I just sold some airplane parts to a guy in California named Dick Wong...no sh*t...

(Submitted by in lieu of ice cream )

shouldn't it be a napoleonic "compact" instead of" complex"?

(Submitted by drawing the line )

i hope he didn't offer you a "personal check".

(Submitted by Mrs Ogmore-Pritchard )

Morning Mr Ogmore! Morning Mr Pritchard!

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Plup!

(Submitted by no-name )

Do people actually sit and read all the comments on this page? I read about 4 or 5 and got extrememly bored... If anyone reads them all let me know... and I also find it boring looking at receipts so tell me a good date and then I can go straight to it instead of looking at all of them! Thanks!

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

If you go decide to live in Queensland, Dally, you should know the derogatory eponym used by everyone else in Australia is 'banana-bender'.

(Submitted by Jeifer )

dammit it's bad eough i ca't get this cardboard thig out of the box without stabbig the bag, ow i got to liste to some whiy, prigle eatig fatass bitch about the site. you wat a good date ask chic for a aer. sorry i spilled some o the keyboard ad my letter ext to m does't work aymore. ask chic for a mammer. hows that?

(Submitted by Jeifer )

ad it's a 2000 frazia, wat some lieu?

(Submitted by robertp )

This Is Where Derrick Shops. Wal-Mart 218-233-8226 1711 Highway 10 W Dilworth, MN

(Submitted by JP's Boss )

I hope you make it to work this morning...

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

Gleetings Hummingbird-san, heed the wisdom of the wise one, "be satisfied with what you already own !" but remember "your popularity increases once you express your desires".

(Submitted by Chiquita )

no-name, you apparently just don't "get" this site, & it's not something that can be explained. Either you "get it" or you don't.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

One more thing no-name. You can't just read 4 posts & understand all that's going on here. For example, do you just read 4 random sentences out of a book & expect it to make sense?? Think outside the box, open your mind, experience the essence of Derek with us. Here, have a KITTY TREAT & you'll feel much better.

(Submitted by germaniac )

Remember no name: To be liked, you have to be nice to people, every day. but to be hated you don't have to do squat. The wisdom of homer simpson lives on.

(Submitted by Homer )

*Doh*

(Submitted by lieu lieu )

jeen, ho ho, hope your "n" luck, "n" sync, "n" finite capabilities and "n"apa varietals improve soon butt until then you're crackig me up! it's kida like a computer wif a lisp. hello again, germey! missed your scintillating... ummm... everything. hi chiq! a bit "warmer" today? yo's to everyone else too. where's dal, terry, abi? shit, where's derek? i see the obsessive part with the loyal trips to the mart but i do wish he was a bit more compulsive with the spending sprees. i mean, heck, what's the use of a good disorder if you don't milk it to it's udder limit?

(Submitted by Terry )

I think Abi sent out one of those group mailings, and crashed everybody's copmuter.

(Submitted by in lieu of animal husbandry )

some time in my life i want to sit down in an old wooden barn under a milk cow, grasp a willing teat in each hand and squirt fresh cream into the mouth of the patiently waiting, omnipresent, mouse-checking farm cat. i must have seen that in an old disney film when i was a wee tot. i wonder what richard gere watched as a child... must have been something like "the great escape" because of his apparent love for "tunneling in the dirt."

(Submitted by in lieu of animal husbandry )

woah! what happened? i know spanish people with shorter names than that!

(Submitted by who dere? )

abi??? you're developing quite a reputation! har har!!!

(Submitted by Chiq )

Ah yes, lieu. The nanner is quite warm now. Thank you. In fact, so warm it's becoming a little mushy. Could someone hand me some WM P TWLs please.

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

It is better to be the hammer than the anvil.

(Submitted by germaniac )

it's better to be the blower than the snow

(Submitted by Terry )

Sorry Chicq, all of mine are mysteriously stuck together...

(Submitted by walfix )

it's better to be the horseman than the headless.

(Submitted by Abi )

*fixing Terry & lieu with a basilisk glare* You two looking for trouble huh!!?

(Submitted by Terry )

Kinda like Jeenifer's "n" key...BTW, try punching that box with a knuckle, or in you case, a kuckle...that's the way we conniesewers down heah do it. And before lieu jumps in, yes, the WINE box. Jeez

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

Beware the man of one book.

(Submitted by in lieu of cork screws )

wouldn't that be "wie" box?

(Submitted by in lieu of longhand )

jeen, it's refreshing to see that you're not letting a silly little consonant like n come between your keyboard and a conventional b_m. i'm sure everything's going to work it's self out jest fine.

(Submitted by WalFix )

Remember Jeen, o means o!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

"If I had a ham her, I'd ham her in the morning...I'd ham her in the evening...yadayadayada" You know I just never got that song. And to think, it's a classic!

(Submitted by Dally )

Perhaps I should consume more cold cuts.

(Submitted by germaniac )

Nothing beats a hot,glazed ham...unless that's what she's into

(Submitted by chiq )

Speaking of hammers & tool belts... more WM P TWLs please.

(Submitted by WalFix & mellow yellow )

You already know what we'd suggest, Dal.

(Submitted by david q honig )

duude 11.22.2000 HONIG!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Wot?

(Submitted by Honey Baked )

so, lieu, is lieuette going thru the Dri Bottoms like a dervish or what? *loving the thought of you at Wal*Mart buying diapers...shift to visual from 'Raising Arizona'* "I'll be the taking these Huggies and all the money you've got in your register"

(Submitted by lieu back to jeeifer )

why ot, there's ever eough ope wie cotaiers i my opiio. ad i agree, why ca't prigle eatig fatass bitches mid their ow busiess?

(Submitted by Humpty Dumpty )

You people crack me up.

(Submitted by lieu daddy )

moon over my hammie, yep, she's taking the dri out of bottoms, putting the poop into panties and leaving a huge, permanent smile on her daddy's face. she's absolutely gorgeous and i must tell you that her sh*t really doesn't stink!

(Submitted by Ben There )

Not yet.

(Submitted by germaniac )

Oh my god! i forgot to have children! Who wants to give me a hand?!?!

(Submitted by in lieu of an organ grinder )

wouldn't that prevent them??? me thinks what you need is an "organ doner".

(Submitted by Terry )

You'll never do it that way German...you need to get ahold of some viener schnitzel

(Submitted by germaniac )

and the next thing you know, I've got a little brat

(Submitted by in lieu of a sour kraut )

you could do wurst...

(Submitted by helen keller )

i'm still laughing at how "n vogue" jeen's smith-corona has become.

(Submitted by american't )

i wonder if that whore with no-name was smart enough to get out of the rain? something tells me we won't remember her name anyway. why would she expect to receive humor if she obviously has none to give?

(Submitted by Rob-O )

Hey, Everyone e-mail me. I want so many e-mails my box gets full. I'll respond to every one of them and please, try and use what little brains you have when writing. Thanks, Rob-O

(Submitted by germaniac )

hey everyone, I want my box to get full, too

(Submitted by Rob-O )

Hey, Everyone e-mail me. I want so many e-mails my box gets full. I'll respond to every one of them and please, try and use what little brains you have when writing. Thanks, Rob-O oops....I hope this worked if not I am sending it twice.....what the hell right??

(Submitted by in lieu of calista )

i'd settle for a c-cup runnething over...

(Submitted by wary cooper )

rob-o, you'd not have us eat spam, would you?

(Submitted by mary tyler moore )

roooobbbbb!

(Submitted by joan collins )

hey, i'm the quicker picker-upper.

(Submitted by germaniac )

Being repetitive is Rob O's job. That's his job...being repetitive. It's Rob O's job to be repetitive...his job

(Submitted by Dalliance *another blonde moment* )

Oh SHIT!@!! I forgot to have a kid too!! DAUMMMM! Can someone spermanic let me borrow their super-soaker?

(Submitted by Terry )

That's a good way to get shot in the head...not that there's anything WRONG with that.

(Submitted by Dal )

But not you Rob-O, hold the may-o! I don't want twin losers..losers that are twins, that is.

(Submitted by Not Rob-O )

I refuse to be inseminated with spam.

(Submitted by smith & wesson oil )

happiness is a warm gun (preferably an m16, cocked, well oiled and of large caliber (screw those nato rounds, let's load for bare)).

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Germie, I hear ya...me, I spend a lot of time shadow boxing. God, what I wouldn't give for a good TKO. Sting me like a bee!!

(Submitted by in lieu of spam )

ummm, i'd like an egg over easy if'n you please.

(Submitted by in lieu of swabbing bactine )

ummm, i'm afraid my dear that if'n you're getting stung like a bee that there's likely a short in your pollinex. better stick wif us WASP's, m'kay?

(Submitted by you'd have to be tolerant )

i just remembered i went to school with a mkay hatfield when i was young. wonder if she's sick of south park? oooh, what if she married some guy named mccoy?

(Submitted by joe, just plain joe )

i also really did go to college with a gal named constance cummings, no kidding. you figure that one out. were her parents on acid?

(Submitted by susieuntilrecentlyonProzac )

Float like a butterfly , Little Moth, hi Grasshopper you are a friendly lot of insects........... and wise

(Submitted by I'm not Kosher )

WASPS! hahahaha..good un, lieu..damn, you are sharp.

(Submitted by Wong, Dick )

it wasn't me, I swear

(Submitted by wong, dick wong )

i ahso pricked bush in de erection.

(Submitted by APG )

Funny you should bring that up...I just had to call Dick Wong up and tell him that I was short on his order.

(Submitted by cleavon this )

ah, excuse me while i whip this out...

(Submitted by in lieu of zeros )

so... in short order the flying dick will get the wong parts? who does he fly for? wongair? is wongair weally butter?

(Submitted by Cricket )

Beware of a tall black man with one blonde shoe.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Calm down, Dick, it's *only* ones and zeros.

(Submitted by Old Mother Rodman )

He's got so many pickanennies he don't be knowing what to do?

(Submitted by Fusion )

I Wonder If The Swabs Help With The Enima's. HUHUH

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

Gleetings susieuntilrecentlyonProzac-san, it pleases me greatly to see that you have remained true and clean, since we last posted. Remember "you have everything you need to succeed" and "good health will be yours for a long time".

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

Gleetings Little Moth-san, always a pleasure to make the acquaintance of a fellow insect, we are all both wise and all seeing. It can be a long and lonely journey on the path to enlightenment. You have a friendly heart and are well admired.

(Submitted by Proboscis in de house )

I smell a pointy hat.

(Submitted by McDal )

I'll have an auto dish ta and a peccadillo to go please..er..make it super size.

(Submitted by Pointy Hat )

I was daily, I have you know !

(Submitted by Point Hat )

That should read "I wasH daily", and not "I was daily" - that implies I have mutiple personalities !

(Submitted by Y )

Damn !

(Submitted by sybil )

i was daily.

(Submitted by ? )

Who is dally ?

(Submitted by not dalliance )

dalliance

(Submitted by jeeifer )

osece

(Submitted by lone star state of mind )

why's everyone so quiet? bush got your tongue?

(Submitted by germaniac )

I just got back from physical therapy...and it wasn't anything like the porn movies lead you to believe.

(Submitted by A.P.G. )

*shhhh*...laying low...Dick Wong just called, said he had another order he wanted me to fill.

(Submitted by gerbil )

*shhhh*...laying low...richard gere just called, said he had another orifice he wanted me to fill.

(Submitted by rosie o'donnel show attendee )

i'm not sure i believe those porn movies. playboy's forum says their comments are made up. excuse me, i've got to get back to my wrestling show.

(Submitted by germaniac )

I don't think I beleive those pornos either, my librarian NEVER does that in the reference section.

(Submitted by Meso Orney )

I wonder how many times the manager of the store has been called since this site came online. (The phone number is included on the receipts)

(Submitted by willy brandt )

where does she do it and what's her number?

(Submitted by Dally as in Dalliance )

talk about your dewey decimal !! Woohoo

(Submitted by Dewey Decimal )

step off...the librarian's mine...I know how to flush her shelving, if you know what I mean

(Submitted by Cricket )

Air is water with holes in it.

(Submitted by in lieu of ky )

haha dal. dewey da feets and ja dewey da lieuy.

(Submitted by Duck me )

Dewey, Lieuy and Hugeie....oh what a night!

(Submitted by WalFixture )

My librarian ranted and raved about this book that "I just had to read", but I try not to judge a book by it's lover. Now as to farm animals, well now Missy, that's a rump of a different height altogether.

(Submitted by in lieu of sh*t )

so what's holy water?

(Submitted by Meet me in the Iglieu )

It was Penquin lust...at its ugliest.

(Submitted by nun shall pass )

woops, i thought i was doing something normal, like having sex wif a nun. darn, another bad habit i picked up hanging around APG.

(Submitted by Hoping the Pope is napping )

Holy water is heavenly condescension

(Submitted by hydr@ed )

i'd like to make ice cubes out of holy water so i could get just a little at a time instead of some major guilty soul rush. it'd probably go great in some mixed drink, like viscious virgin punch.

(Submitted by Barney )

I used to date this girl that had one of those uglie little pug dogs. not only did it have breathing problems but it also has anal trak problems to. She would take those ear swab thing and swab his little butt out so he would'nt clog up. man it grossed me out so bad I almost quit picking my teeth with them once she was thru.

(Submitted by going to hurl now )

that was lovely.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

AHHH AHHH CHOOOO!!! *sniffling & brushing dust off my face* Derek, could you please vacuum & dust out the toaster box once in a while. I've been in there looking around for the RED CLAY POT, and brought back presents for everybody. For Dalliance, I have this PNUT CLUSTER... a cluster of nuts just made me think of you. For Terry, here's a HICKS YEW10, 'cuz I think you said something recently about living in a redneck area. For lieu, I thought you could use this INSECT CNTRL since I think I've heard there's a lot of them there insect critters in the Big State. For Abi, have this 12 TRICYCLE, since I know you're fond of the bikes. For Germy, you can keep this NAIL AID in the event of an emergency... not that you'd ever need aid getting nailed. And for Jeenifer, I brought you this RUBBER GLV and some EPOXY 1000 in case you'll be helping Terry clean up the soot. Have a great day all!!

(Submitted by True Story )

wow! You know I once had a roommate who had a cat who had this ear wax fetish. We couldn't even throw the Q-tips in the trash cause the cat would climb into the bin looking for the swabs and would scatter the trash everywhere. Once it got into my room and ate the earplugs I used to use at night cause it was really loud where I lived. I caught him red-handed in the act too. I hated that bastard cat. Damn earwax eater.

(Submitted by Barney )

And a friend of mine told me that he dog must have eaten some string or something one time because it was hanging out of hisa butt and his mother had to run around the yard following it with a broom so so could get it off. it did make really good dental floss after that but I never could tell if it was chicken stuck in my teeth or not. T his site is cool.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

PAYDAY!!! Thanks Chicqie-Pie!

(Submitted by Idin it? )

I thought an Anal Trak was an exercise machine.

(Submitted by Barney )

yeah, my nighbors Basset hound likes to eat cat crap all the time. He never tells his wife and laughs every time the dog kisses her face. I left some of mine out one day to to see if he would eat it too but the cat ate it first. so I guess the dog eventually got it after all and then my neighbors wife. Cool.

(Submitted by in lieu of a bicycle )

exercise machine - hohohoho...

(Submitted by Je99ifer )

u9til i get this fixed, 9=leeter 9ext to m. this place 9eeds some clea9si9g, so a little bible wo9't hurt. proverbs 31:6-7: give stro9g dri9k u9to him that is ready to perish, a9d wi9e u9to those that be of heavy hearts. let him dri9k, a9d forget his poverty, a9d remember his misery 9o more. what a sexist book. i could use a pillar of salt to go with this margarita. butt i ai9't tur9ing arou9d.

(Submitted by Je99ifer )

goddamit that should be letter. a9d who faked me up there? tha9ks for the rubber chic. it'll come i9 ha9dy. a9d tha9k you agai9 abi.

(Submitted by Abi )

Wow Chiq!! - thanks for the tricycle *going round and round in happy circles...*!! Hey - Jennifer, you're more than welcome babe!

(Submitted by Terry )

Derek...More film...and some WM P TWL 3PK...I feel a triple chick hug coming on...

(Submitted by Abi )

Hey Terry - want to ride pillion with me & Jennifer?? It is a tri-cycle after all....

(Submitted by Terry )

Only if I can sit on the handlebars...backwards.

(Submitted by Abi )

Oh ok - hang on - *whispering in the background here* but Jennifer says you've got to wear THOSE chaps - just the chaps mind!

(Submitted by Abi )

Oh ok - hang on - *whispering in the background here* but Jennifer says you've got to wear THOSE chaps - just the chaps mind!

(Submitted by in lieu of unicycles )

woah, gearing up on an anal trek bicycle wif a stick shift. i should assume that, of course, it's got a banana seat?

(Submitted by lieu )

hi je69ifer! glad to see you back clean and... well, clean.

(Submitted by Terry )

OK, just the chaps, as long as we break for a picnic at some point...Hey Jenni-poo, do you know the difference...aw, never mind...Abi'll fill ya in later.

(Submitted by in lieu of up all 9ight )

and je69ifer, i'm sure terry'd also like to know; how sound of a sleeper are you?

(Submitted by Dalliance )

*pulling up lawn chair and watching all the action while nibbling on my PNUT CLUSTER*

(Submitted by lieu )

ouch!

(Submitted by Dally )

I meant nibbling *gently*

(Submitted by Dal )

teasingly even

(Submitted by Abi )

*still going round and round in happy circles* Don't wobble the handlebars Terry, Jennifer will fall off...!

(Submitted by lieu )

for the nth time?

(Submitted by germaniac )

Thank Gott it is Friday, freunden. I shall spend all weekend with large schnitzels and spicy kuchen, no NAIL AID necessary.

(Submitted by Terry )

Do ya think she'll notice?

(Submitted by in lieu of rice grinders )

i wish i could introduce you to my german mechanic. i laugh at all his "ja, chures", that is until i get his bill. i'll tell ya, those germans sure know how to make cars and beer. what a lovely combination. do they not have intersections or trees to run into in the rhineland?

(Submitted by lieu )

or speed jeen... ummm, speed bumps?

(Submitted by germaniac )

A german mechanic....i'm swooning. You forget the other thing that germans are good at making...ze are goot at makig loff you little sauerbraten

(Submitted by in lieu of tarts )

and chocolate cake.

(Submitted by in lieu of a cramp )

here germie, swoon some more... he's also a strapping, healthy type and... ready for this??? a dive instructor. i guess you could say that he knows what to do if'n you get the benz.

(Submitted by germaniac )

Sweet Jesus. Now I know what I want for Christmas. I wonder if my husband will mind? I love a man who can dive down deep into the wetness.

(Submitted by homeward bound lieu )

surf's up.

(Submitted by GamblingDan )

I can't believe that I am reading this crap. Walmart Sucks.

(Submitted by germaniac )

I can't believe you're reading it either! This is crazy! I mean, it's a shame it's so hard to leave websites, or actually STOP reading text, or even get up from the computer and interact with human beings, but alas, that's the way life is...you're locked into this site forever, and now you've made a german crabby. Not smart

(Submitted by melon )

eat the farm land.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

I take offense to that remark, Germy. I happen to be a human. And I thought everyone else here was, too. Are y'all not human?? Heck, I guess it's just me and the HUMAN SKULL.

(Submitted by germaniac )

Chiqy, as I reread my comments to Gamblin' I realize that they were made in a PMS stupor. I apologize to all humans reading this now. The robots...well you know how I feel about them.

(Submitted by Chiq )

Thanks Germy. Here, have a KITTY TREAT *setting TREAT on lieu's forhead*

(Submitted by sacred and profane. )

GiBeRiSh??

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

DID YOU EVER GET CAUGHT STEALING DEREK?

(Submitted by gg )

lets get married lisa

(Submitted by trh )

ok