Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by Amy )

I bought the same magazine as you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Submitted by mesecond )

mesecond!!!!!!!!!!

(Submitted by mesecond )

interesting combination of stuff for a guy?

(Submitted by Tasha )

Do you realize that putting receipts with your credit/debit acct. numbers isn't a very smart thing to do?

(Submitted by menotsecond now )

what IS derek planning to do tonight?

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

I suppose it is great value at 76 cents!

(Submitted by Merlin )

It's not just great value, its also of high intensity as well ! I wonder what Derek needs something of that intensity for ? It is related to the need for a bath sponge ....

(Submitted by Abi )

Hi guys - Merlin, looking at the slight grubbiness of this receipt I would guess that the sponge and body wash have arrived none too late!

(Submitted by Coach )

I did 2 69's with a SEVENTEEN year old once...is that the same thing? I didn't know you could get that at WAL*MART.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

Ha! Just made the top ten! Why does Walmart sell sexually transmitted disease bulbs? Don't we have enough problems?

(Submitted by Merlin )

But our Derek's smart ! It's like Abi says, he's got the goods to clean up after his finished "using" the bulbs !

(Submitted by Starfrit )

Do you still have your cat? Did you gave him some cat food lately? I sure hope that you don't feed him with bulbs and Great Value cola...

(Submitted by Terry )

Is it just me, or does this receipt get everyone...aroused?

(Submitted by Tick Boy )

How many aunts does it take to screw in a STD BULB 100? Two.

(Submitted by Tick Boy )

That should be "ants"...got my jokes confoozed...

(Submitted by Abi )

hmm Terry - you may have something there - personal items highlighted by slightly grubby marks....

(Submitted by Terry )

Are you talking about the receipt...or me?

(Submitted by Abi )

Ooops - I don't know if I should say in such a public forum! Oh, the receipt!!

(Submitted by Sparky )

So I'm thinking, he picks up a SEVENTEEN year old, takes her home to give her a HI- INTENSI X BODY WASH, using a BATH SPONGE, but first he has to replace the STD BULBs that have burned out from all the porn cam work he's been doing since he installed the 17 FT CABLE. Is that pretty much it?

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

Ah, gleetings susieuntilrecentlyonProzac. I have sensed that you have been troubled, troubled and your soul in turmoil. The body has not need for such chemicals, cast they aside, the mind is more powerful and can help you overcome your pain. "He who has hope has everything, for what you have decided will be your good fortune, and will bring you happiness".

(Submitted by lieu )

terry, confirm my suspicions for me please - do you agree that the outer grubby stain circle on the receipt corrosponds to the diameter of vasoline's industrial whack attack container and that the inner diameter corrosponds to that of kleenex's muy spuey brittany-scented wipes? i could swear i've seen that enviable pattern somewhere before...

(Submitted by Terry )

My first inclination was a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon, to be followed by the industrial- sized Maalox, but at second glance, your keen observations are not only insightful, but incredibly accurate. "Ithinks" the lad needs a night out with "the boys"...you up for a road trip?

(Submitted by Abi )

hey that's not fair - if you're all going on a road trip I want to come too....*throwing my bath sponge at Terry*

(Submitted by germaniac )

Golly, 2.69 for a seventeen year old. White slavery is getting cheaper and cheaper, especially when you keep them nice and clean. 2.69 is a GRT VALUE!

(Submitted by Terry )

*ducking head, staring at Abi with HI-INTENSI X eyes* uh...you mis-spelled "come", but if you'd like to tag along, I'm sure we could squeeze a BODY WASH or SEVENTEEN into the van...

(Submitted by lieu once had a pony (keg) )

down here in the south we keep "the boys" in a little pouch between our legs and me thinks derek's been spending plenty of time wif dem lately. abi might be right that fem fatales should be included, if for nothing else than to fetch us cold pabst when we're a quart low. after all, can you think of a better function for a long fingernail than to open a cold tab? okay, i take that question back... i forgot who i was talking to.

(Submitted by germaniac )

Terry, Abi, Lieu and Germaniac on a road trip spells disaster for everyone involved, but also perhaps a guest appearance on COPS.

(Submitted by Abi )

just got to go and pack my talon varnish, catch y'all later.....

(Submitted by in lieu of cross stitching )

huh? talon varnish? what am i missing? is that an english thing or have you got some king of royal aviary out on the moors? let me get this straight, abi - you lobby for the rights of hedgehogs, race dirt bikes and practice falconry in your spare time? hooray for english beef...

(Submitted by on target )

if you shop online anytime @walmart.com do you get the same high-quality receipt? does a virtual greeter make you fearful of growing old and being broke when you first log on? do they ship you your stuff in a squeaky cart with only three working wheels? those are the experiences that separate walmart from, say, a "discount" store.

(Submitted by wood dent you )

i'd like to have a 2 fer 69 sale. i'll bet a lot of people wood come.

(Submitted by wal-martlovers )

I just love your page! I thought that I was the only one.....but.....I love you! My dream is to one day marry someone like you and live in wal-mart....CALL ME!:0)

(Submitted by whatever you say. )

!:0)

(Submitted by crystal )

derek...17 magizene? your kids r growing up fast!! from di bottoms to seventeen woo!

(Submitted by Ellie )

This is a pretty perverted site, but it's funny as hell

(Submitted by Jennifer )

Riddle me this. If a 40W bulb costs $0.96, which comes to $0.024 per watt, then why doesn't the 100W cost $2.40? I mean, a 2 LTR MT DEW costs more than a 1 LTR MT DEW, so what gives? I've always thought that size mattered.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

And these BOXES of wine cost MUCH more than the cans.

(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )

Sad Derek sad...you've taken to buying Seventeen magazine to become cognisant with the (ahem) proclivities of your reader/receiptship? Is this because you feel you need to (ahem) understand them more? You want to (ahem) feel a little more responsive to their (ahem) needs?

(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )

I mean, this kind of abandonment of your regulars should not really be tolerated should it, fellow regulars? I mean, hands up any people who are still visiting this site after having read 17 magazine all those days ago? Hmm? Hmm??

(Submitted by ThuthieBeforeProzac )

Me! Me, mithtah! I wed theventeen latht week, or at leatht my big thithtah wed it out to me, and lookie, Im thtill here! P. Eth. Derek, are you one of the Back Thtreet boyth?

(Submitted by germaniac )

Good morning everyone! It's a grt day for a grt value! Let's spread sunshine all over the place. Matt Krieg would want it that way.

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

Ah so, Jennifer-san, you do not realise "cheap things are of no value, but valuable things are not cheap." And for my little orange blossom ThuthieBeforeProzac-san, "you have remarkable power which you are not using" !

(Submitted by Dalliance )

I have remarkable power (see Pollenex High Intensity 2000) and I'm usin' it, Cricket Boy!!

(Submitted by Dally - Fargo or Bust )

I wanna go to Fargo too, please. *wondering if the SEVENTEEN year old might be a Adonis-esque stock boy* I could go for that *packing my sponge just in case*

(Submitted by lieu )

i'd just like to quickly and quietly say that it's really nice to see all the new people visiting and responding to this virtual quackiness. i hope that those that have only read and not written in the past realize that while there are a few "regulars" here, we're not a clique and that we really enjoy all the new bastardizations of humor that choose this web address to expose themselves. so don't be shy y'all, mkay?

(Submitted by in lieu of dignity )

i was painfully enduring a pr session disguised as news by hillBilly clinton last night and again threw-up in his general dirrectionne because of his shameless glibness. isn't it appropriate that glib and bilge are almost a common palindrome and are both manufactured by such an uncommon bastard? (poop panties, butt wipes).

(Submitted by ps )

don't shoot me!!! mkay? dan quayle was a f*cking joke too that we're all still trying to get over. i could give a rat's ass about the party, it's the guy's character i look at. our choice was pretty shitty this time and me thinks we need someone in there with a brain and a conscience. anybody second my vote for derek as our next pres? he's responsible, drives an american-made car, is obviously fairly thrifty, has a stable family, has a great sense of humor and is quick to repair f*ckups caused by others. i also think we knead a dame in the white house, which of y'all might be desirous to be his "running mate"? (not you, hillari(ous)).

(Submitted by Ima Deerty )

I don't think my bath is sponge-worthy.

(Submitted by James )

I'm not Worthy.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Oh, can I be Derek's running mate?? I really really really wanna do it. I think I'm worthy. I'll show him uses for that BODY WASH he never knew existed...

(Submitted by germaniac )

or at least the bottle it comes in ;)

(Submitted by lieu )

ha, i wuv you gals...

(Submitted by in lieu of palm beach )

you know, it used to be that if you said somebody was "really handy", it was a compliment. now only my warped friends can be considered as such. however, if'n someone were to tell me that some single lass was "really handy", well now, that's a hole different story.

(Submitted by germaniac )

And now imagine what wood happen if a girl got lippy with ya!

(Submitted by thequeen )

 NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE   To the citizens of the United States of America,  In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.  Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.  Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony > Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.  To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:  1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up> "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with> filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".  2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.  3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.  4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.  5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.  6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to

(Submitted by Freud )

Screw Mushu and the Compubank he rode in on.

(Submitted by Melanie )

Your URL is in the december issue of Seventeen Magazine...would that be why you bought it?

(Submitted by Brand new key )

You've got a brand new pair of rollerskates

(Submitted by Andre )

Baby Shmp, though you know it is a particularly thrilling delight for me to see your lips pressed against the glass, I must ask you not to bruise the butts as you shove them aside (except that great hairy one with the receipt sticking out of it).

(Submitted by bifteck )

i know why u bought a seventeen...theres something on this site in it, isn't there??That's why I came here,i bookmarked this a long time ago, but that reminded me about it...proud, are we?

(Submitted by duct tape )

Somebody put me back on thequeen's mouth, puhleeze.

(Submitted by Wouldn't it )

Wouldn't it be funny if the queen had a

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

Did somebody mention the queen? *precipitately halting the descent of her shucked shell* Quick! Everybody to attention! Libby! Libby! Look this way sweetheart! Over here, with the flapping flaps!

(Submitted by AnnMarie )

hey wahts up? ive been readin this shite like all the mesages from 1997 i am way bored.and i find it like it tells a story kinda..hehe neato am

(Submitted by Voir )

Did you know we are talking about your website in the VOIR newspaper in Montreal, Canada? that's cool man.

(Submitted by Sarah )

your a guy right? whyd u buy body wash and a 17 mag?

(Submitted by Dally - American in Conflict )

yeah yeah queenie, we all got that email forwarded to us, like, days ago...hup hup..keep up now! By the, like, by, Vinnie Testeverde is not, like, amused.

(Submitted by Dally )

But, like, damn, that Tony Blair is dead sexy alright...uh, Sarah, don't know if you are aware, but some men bathe too. It's true. I bet Tony Blair uses body wash..I bet he has the perfect amount of hair on his chest and he lathers himself up and gets all soapy and slippery and.....germaniac, love...hand me that body wash body wood ya?

(Submitted by Dal-dreaming )

I meant body wash _bottle_ *sheepish grin* gotta little excited there..pardon the freudian slippery little Tony Blair nipples, I mean slip.

(Submitted by hellooow )

your stupid comments are not funny, dumb people. nice site. :)

(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )

Dear queen, didn't you know that you should NEVER, repeat, NEVER touch Dally on her sore spot. *severe sounds of wet fish belting an artichoke around the globe* I mean, never make jokes stereotyping Americans *oo! ouch! titslap!

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

Sitting toward the South may bring you good luck !

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

A thousand apologies, I neglected to say that although Florida is indeed in the South, facing it may not bring forth luck for those with short surnames !

(Submitted by germaniac )

Dally, you and I are twins. I LOVE TONY BLAIR. LOVE HIM. The only thing that could make him sexier is if he was German. I noticed a lot of newbies on here over the weekend. they don't like our stupid comments! Perhaps they need a spanking, eh Dally? ::cracking whip::

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Mornin' y'all. Could someone please pass the BODY WASH and KITTY TREATS?

(Submitted by Merlin )

Chiquita, don't have the BODY WASH I'm afraid, but I do have the BATH SPONGE and can whip you up a potion instead it's nana flavoured. ;-)

(Submitted by in lieu of tea @ three )

i'll take george OR al over the royal formerly known as chuck anyday. what would charles' first order of business be as king? everyone must leave their dreamy virgin brides for cornut-toothed aged winches? my guess is he rides his polo pony side-saddle. and what's with polo anyway? don't they know that's really an american cologne and clothing concern? silly english kniggets - tricks are for hugh grant.

(Submitted by ps to hellooow - from lieu )

don't be throwing stones if'n you live in an ass house. i still fail to find the scintilating humor in your sophmoric comment. you would have us do as you say but not as you do? www.turdburglars.com has apparently done little to develop your wit.

(Submitted by in lieu of poop depends )

ever notice how it smells like really old methane when you walk past walmart's greeters? maybe that's why they don't let them smoke. can you imagine what their deli/cafeteria is going to be like thursday at noon when all those seniors come in for giblet gravy and cranberry sauce? it's going to be as insidious as that seemingly cute little bunny in the holy grail that in reality had observers soon running for their lives. ohhhh, the horror...

(Submitted by dairy president )

i can't decide if i like my bananner splits whiff or whiffout cherries. chiq, how are they with avocado and wheat grass?

(Submitted by Dalliance )

No, Fanny, I just don't like stereotyping period...althought it was a damn funny email that the Queen sent...but when the person that send the forward added the comment saying "Oh great, now we can look forward to bland food and bad dental health" I did not laugh. I swear. WOOOHOOOO...Germaniac, girlfriend, you're cool.

(Submitted by willie t. ribbs )

me either, dal. i mean when people complain about an asian or african-american doing 45 mph in the fast lane i remind them that tiger is the greatest driver i know. boy, that quiets 'em down, yessiree bob.

(Submitted by lieu )

yeah, i bought crackers this weekend and never thought twice about it.

(Submitted by Pokie Mon Corp. )

You Merican min has such berry berry large penises!

(Submitted by Steak and kidney what? )

Since we're playing rugby with the girls now, once the huge fight between the fans breaks out do we just pull each other's hair? Considering just how appropriate his name and reputation is, can Bobby Knight be our coach?

(Submitted by titanic endeavo(u)r )

i guess to compliment the "chunnel" they'll want a tube under the atlantic too. would "a-hole" or "eur-hole" sound more palitable and when can we expect another mass exodus to commence?

(Submitted by Anne Sullivan )

Class, you're very quiet today.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

lieu...wanna skip rope with me...I'm bored.

(Submitted by Trouble )

or...maybe...um...er....stack some oreos? *blushing*

(Submitted by lieu )

sure, look dal, no hands! as for oreo stacking i'm afraid i was absent when that subject was first broached. can you fill me in?

(Submitted by Dal )

OMG...a pregnant chad!!! *glancing at lieu* Are you deseminating the fruit of your loins again? Dang, you're like an M16 or something.

(Submitted by rim fire )

i'd suggest something by smith and wesson oil, please.

(Submitted by lieutenant governor )

??? pregnant chad ??? another kind of hanging box due to incomplete insertion, perhaps? leave it to those democrats to try and snatch the erection again... geez, i actually miss the whigs.

(Submitted by pure as the driven slush )

i don't know why derek bothers to soil the receipts. we're bound to do so in good time already.

(Submitted by germaniac )

LIEU! i'm related to one Mr. Martin Van Buren, the U.S.A.'s last Whig candidate! I'll channel his spirit and tell him you said so!

(Submitted by Martin V.B. )

Hey, Lieu, 'sup?

(Submitted by Dal )

HOLY COW! Talk about double dutch!!! Fill you in, eh? Well, I'll do what I can, but broached subjects are not really my forte..I prefer mine roasted slowly over an open pit.

(Submitted by in lieu of nair )

speaking of whigs and open pits, my rogaine didn't work so i'm considering implants for my underarms. they'll probably take them from my back or from rainey's feet.

(Submitted by in lieu of reed )

martin, who let the frogs out, homey? d'ja know my brother's nickname in school was mini van buren? mine was mini van go.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Bananner splits with WHAT?? Normally I love a good avocado, but please don't ruin a perfectly good nanner with it. I prefer my nanner split with a good helping of nuts and cream, but that's just me. Now, where'd that Trojan horse go... *whistling for good horsey*

(Submitted by WhereDidThatAvacaGo? )

*muffled Greek voice* NEEEIIIGGGHHHH!!!.

(Submitted by Stereo Type )

I am not amused. No siree. And that goes for both of us.

(Submitted by rainy )

you won't get much hair off my feet, lieu. i have the typical woman's allotment, thank you! :)

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

Hello! Hello! My oyster is getting very whiffy over here! *frantically waving back and forth the top half of her bivalve to catch a glint of rosy fingered dawn in order to signal to the amassed masses obeisant on the shore*

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Oh dear, Mrs. Campbell quoting Homer, Bravo! Perhaps your bivalve needs a good dip in the ol' winedark sea? Damn, I could go for a nice Tim Tam, myself.

(Submitted by Sappho wus Homer in Drag )

or if not a dip...a squirt. Bye the way, how's your wee pearl holding up? Trusting you *do* have one and know where it is, if not, shall I lend you a grain of sand?

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

If you want to get a sure crop with a big yield, sow wild oats.

(Submitted by missy )

does this thing work? <IMG SRC=http://lightning.prohosting.com/~receipts/001115.jpg>

(Submitted by germaniac )

::tap tap:: does this thing work? ::tap tap:: ::BUZZZZZZZZZ::, oops. I guess it does!

(Submitted by TommyMcC )

this is without a doubt the strangest and funniest site I have ever encountered. If I get hooked I will blame all of you for the wasted hours.

(Submitted by lieu )

does this thing work? unziiiiiiiiip... yep. omg, down boy, whoa!!!

(Submitted by in lieu of chaps & spurs )

i'm back in the saddle again...

(Submitted by germaniac )

Would you be interested in having someone ride bareback?

(Submitted by pan )

spreckens e horsie? (apologies to anyone who can actuall write teutonic phrases)

(Submitted by cindy crawford's confused twin )

does richard gere child-proof his house with buttplugs?

(Submitted by germaniac )

I've got a teutonic phrase for ya, right here...

(Submitted by buttplug )

do you think i'm analy retentive?

(Submitted by germaniac )

Or just a pain in the ass?

(Submitted by buttplug )

that little dutch boy and the dike have got nothing on me. so why isn't my story known by children everywhere?

(Submitted by germaniacdike )

The Dutchboy And the Dyke. I do know that story, but I found it way in the back room of the video store, behind the curtain.

(Submitted by wayward soul )

i was driving through gomorrah, arkansas yesterday. man, you should have seen their post office wall. clinton looked sooo different without his $300.00 haircut and zipped pants. that was a cool looking canadian t-shirt he was wearing though.

(Submitted by al )

i smoked the grassy knoll.

(Submitted by germaniac )

When you left Gomorrah, did you turn into a pillar of salt?

(Submitted by in lieu of ginger )

what, like Lot's wife, the spice girl?

(Submitted by lieu )

i'm going to be serious for a second - that's about as long as i can last, but - i really do wonder if walmart sells stubb's bbq spice rub. have you tried it? it's fantastic! we grill 3 or 4 times a week at least and i always use it on ribs and stuff along with stubb's bbq sauce. it's got this earl campbell-looking guy on the front alond with the quote "ladies & gentlemen, i'm a cook." try it sometime if you see it - it's wonderful! just don't buy it all cuz i want more too. abi, shall we send you his hedgehog flavorings too? i swear, this guy could make carp taste good.

(Submitted by virtual neighbor )

terry, i understand you've been cooking outdoors a lot too. can we bring you anything, bud? very glad you and yours didn't burn any buns, my friend!

(Submitted by Everyone )

I'm gone for the holidays.

(Submitted by germaniac )

I'm jealous of Everyone

(Submitted by Mrs. Eunice Gutrumble )

My Edgar and I went to Walmart to eat the other day because we were so exhausted after punching out those kevlar voting cards. Whew! It was just like the first time I watched Edgar trying to have sex with the dog. Anyway, my sewing circle had told me how good the BBQ was so we both got the senior special and enjoyed it thoroughly. Until that night. That's when I had to shit like I've never shat before. But still, it is such a nice store. Such nice people. Thank you.

(Submitted by zero mostel )

haz you seen mein new plai... hitler in springtime? zitz a vittle kooky but makes up in chutzpah was zitz laks in histerical ackuracy.

(Submitted by Edgar )

They don't do their string beans right. They're too... stringy. You'd think that for .49 cents you could get a decent bowl of beans. How am I suppossed to stay regular?

(Submitted by Edgar )

Where's the bathroom? Eh? Down aisle 4 and to the right?

(Submitted by stockboy )

"clean-up on aisle 4 please."

(Submitted by Stubb's )

lieu, thanks for the plug (not the butt kind).

(Submitted by in lieu of hoity toity )

anytime, stubby *laughing*. you are a cook! come share a rib wif adam and me sometime, mkay?

(Submitted by JoradZero (a.k.a Anal-Retentive Man) )

Great site, but you have nothing on me! Since 1997 I have scanned EVERY reciept from EVERY store. I also scan Warrenty cards, manuals and other mic. stuff. Will I post it on the web? Never. However, here is the directory structure of my scanner receipts et al. AAA - Process NOW! Articles Bay Area Computer Info Contacts CPU-Elec Info David Powell Estate Deborah eBay - Yahoo Auctions Education Finances Home Insurance - Pension Mazda McKnao Medical Misc Paris Personnal Photos Products Shipping Reciepts Stuff I Want Travel - Vacation Work - Career AAA - Process NOW!\Pending Items Articles\Bottom Line Articles\C Code Articles\Comic Strips Articles\Health Articles\Humor Articles\Misc Articles\Reference Bay Area\Bed and Breakfast Bay Area\Book Stores Bay Area\Fairs Bay Area\Maps & Transportation Bay Area\Restaurant Bay Area\Stores Computer Info\Code - Algorythms Computer Info\Earthlink Computer Info\Game Codes-Hints Computer Info\NT Computer Info\Programming Info Computer Info\Scanners Computer Info\NT\TroubleShooting Contacts\Business Contacts\Family_Relatives_Frie nds Contacts\Friends Contacts\Job Oppertunities Contacts\Personal Contacts\Pixel CPU-Elec Info\Code - Algorythms CPU-Elec Info\Game Codes-Hints CPU-Elec Info\NT CPU-Elec Info\Programming Info CPU-Elec Info\Scanners CPU-Elec Info\Web Info CPU-Elec Info\NT\TroubleShooting Deborah\EDS Retirement Deborah\Putnam Fund Deborah\Vanguard 401K Education\ASL at CSM 8-99 Education\ASL Signs Finances\- Receipts - Dave Finances\- Receipts - Deborah Finances\- Receipts - United Finances\AEA Checking Finances\AEA House Savings Finances\Balance History Finances\CCCS Finances\Credit Cards Finances\Info - Resources Finances\Investments Finances\Monthly Bills Finances\Other (Save) Finances\Other (Temp) Finances\PayPal Finances\Pay Stubs Dave Finances\Pay Stubs Deborah Finances\Redwood CU Finances\SSN Retirement Finances\Taxes Finances\Web Resources Finances\- Receipts - Dave\Apr 00 Finances\- Receipts - Dave\Aug 00 Finances\- Receipts - Dave\Aug 99 Finances\- Receipts - Dave\Dec 99 Finances\- Receipts - Dave\Feb 00 Finances\- Receipts - Dave\Jan 00 Finances\- Receipts - Dave\Jul 00 Finances\- Receipts - Dave\Jun 00 Finances\- Receipts - Dave\Mar 00 Finances\- Receipts - Dave\May 00 Finances\- Receipts - Dave\Nov 99 Finances\- Receipts - Dave\Oct 00 Finances\- Receipts - Dave\Oct 99 Finances\- Receipts - Dave\Sept 00 Finances\- Receipts - Dave\Sept 99 Finances\- Receipts - Deborah\Aug 00 Finances\- Receipts - Deborah\Jul 00 Finances\- Receipts - Deborah\Jun 00 Finances\- Receipts - Deborah\May 00 Finances\- Receipts - Deborah\Oct 00 Finances\- Receipts - Deborah\Sept 00 Finances\- Receipts - United\Oct 00 Finances\AEA Checking\1998 Finances\AEA Checking\1999 Finances\AEA Checking\ATM Credit Finances\AEA Checking\Loan Finances\AEA House Savings\1999 Finances\Balance History\1999 Finances\Credit Cards\Citibank Finances\Credit Cards\CSAA Visa Finances\Credit Cards\Discover Finances\Credit Cards\Discover Smithsonian Finances\Credit Cards\First USA MC Finances\Credit Cards\Green Tree MC Finances\Credit Cards\MBNA Deborah Finances\Credit Cards\MBNA Nat Res VISA Finances\Credit Cards\Old, Closed Finances\Credit Cards\Redwood CU Finances\Credit Cards\Shell Chase MC Finances\Credit Cards\United Visa Finances\Credit Cards\Citibank\1999 Finances\Credit Cards\CSAA Visa Finances\Credit Cards\Discover \1999 Finances\Credit Cards\Discover Smithsonian \1999 Finances\Credit Cards\First USA MC \1999 Finances\Credit Cards\Green Tree MC \1999 Finances\Credit Cards\MBNA Deborah\1999 Finances\Credit Cards\MBNA Nat Res VISA \1999 Finances\Credit Cards\Old, Closed\Bravo Active Finances\Credit Cards\Old, Closed\Bravo Reserve Finances\Credit Cards\Shell Chase MC \1999 Finances\Credit Cards\W.F. MC \1999 Finances\Info - Resources\Advice Finances\Investments\401K Finances\Investments\Stocks Finances\Investments\401K\Fide lity Finances\Investments\Stocks\Ar ticles Finances\Investments\Stocks\De borah's Stock Papers Finances\Investments\Stocks\DR IP's Finances\Investments\Stocks\Em ployee Stock Purchase Plan Finances\Investments\Stocks\ET rade INPT Stock Options Finances\Investments\Stocks\ET rade Statements Finances\Investments\Stocks\Go od Till Canceled Finances\Investments\Stocks\Sc hwab Statements Finances\Investments\Stocks\Tr ade Confirmations Finances\Investments\Stocks\ET rade INPT Stock Options\ETrade Reciepts Finances\Investments\Stocks\Sc hwab Statements\1996-1997 Finances\Investments\Stocks\Tr ade Confirmations\1996-1997 Finances\Monthly Bills\AT&T Cable Finances\Monthly Bills\BMG Finances\Monthly Bills\CSAA Finances\Monthly Bills\Old Finances\Monthly Bills\Pac Bell Finances\Monthly Bills\Pac Bell PCS Deborah Finances\Monthly Bills\PG&E Finances\Monthly Bills\Susan Farrell Finances\Monthly Bills\Verizon Wireless Finances\Monthly Bills\AT&T Cable\1999 Finances\Monthly Bills\CSAA\1999 Finances\Monthly Bills\Old\AT&T Finances\Monthly Bills\Old\Audio Direct Finances\Monthly Bills\Old\Earthlink Finances\Monthly Bills\Old\Pac Bell (ISDN) Finances\Monthly Bills\Old\Pac Bell Finances\Monthly Bills\Old\Sci Fi Book Club Finances\Monthly Bills\Old\Verio Internet Finances\Monthly Bills\Old\Pac Bell (ISDN)\1998 Finances\Monthly Bills\Pac Bell Finances\Monthly Bills\Pac Bell \DSL Service Finances\Monthly Bills\PG&E\1999 Finances\Monthly Bills\Susan Farrell\1999 Finances\Monthly Bills\Verizon Wireless\1998 Finances\Monthly Bills\Verizon Wireless\1999 Finances\Monthly Bills\Verizon Wireless\Rewards Finances\Pay Stubs Dave\1998 Finances\Pay Stubs Dave\1999 Finances\Taxes\Taxes 1996 Finances\Taxes\Taxes 1997 Finances\Taxes\Taxes 1998 Finances\Taxes\Taxes 1999 Finances\Taxes\Taxes 2000 Finances\Taxes\Taxes 1998\Dave Finances\Taxes\Taxes 1998 \Deborah Finances\Taxes\Taxes 1998 \Donations Finances\Taxes\Taxes 1999\Dave Finances\Taxes\Taxes 1999 \Deborah Finances\Taxes\Taxes 2000 \Charity Home\Receipes Insurance - Pension\American Renter's Insurance Insurance - Pension\Life Insurance Mazda\Truck Medical\Flex Medical Medical\Health Medical\HMR Medical\Insurance Medical\Flex Medical\Dave Medical\Flex Medical\Deborah Medical\Flex Medical\Dave\Paid Medical\Flex Medical\Dave\Pending submission Medical\Flex Medical\Dave\Pending Bill Medical\Flex Medical\Dave\Submitted Medical\Flex Medical\Dave\Paid\1998 Medical\Flex Medical\Dave\Paid\1999 Medical\Flex Medical\Dave\Paid\1999 Unused Medical\Flex Medical\Deborah\2000 Possible on Dave's Flex Medical\Flex Medical\Deborah\Awaiting Bill Medical\Flex Medical\Deborah\Paid Medical\Flex Medical\Deborah\Pending submission Medical\Flex Medical\Deborah\Submitted Medical\Flex Medical\Deborah\Paid\1999 Medical\Health\Contacts Medical\Health\Dave Medical\Health\Deborah Medical\Health\Dave\Back Problems Medical\Health\Dave\Mental Health Medical\Health\Dave\Pills Info Medical\Health\Deborah\Deborah Hearing Medical\HMR\Dave Medical\HMR\Deborah Medical\Insurance\Dave Medical\Insurance\Deborah Medical\Insurance\Dave\Blue Cross 2000 Medical\Insurance\Dave\Delta Dental 2000 Medical\Insurance\Dave\Blue Cross 2000\Old info Medical\Insurance\Dave\Blue Cross 2000\Paid Medical\Insurance\Dave\Blue Cross 2000\Pending Submission Medical\Insurance\Dave\Blue Cross 2000\Submitted Medical\Insurance\Dave\Blue Cross 2000\Paid\1998 Medical\Insurance\Dave\Delta Dental 2000\1999 Medical\Insurance\Deborah\Blue Shield 2000 Medical\Insurance\Deborah\Blue Shield 2001 Medical\Insurance\Deborah\EDS Mental 2000 Medical\Insurance\Deborah\Blue Shield 2000\Paid Medical\Insurance\Deborah\Blue Shield 2000\Pending Submission Medical\Insurance\Deborah\Blue Shield 2000\Pending Bill (maybe) Medical\Insurance\Deborah\Blue Shield 2000\Submitted Medical\Insurance\Deborah\EDS Mental 2000\Paid Medical\Insurance\Deborah\EDS Mental 2000\Pending Submission Medical\Insurance\Deborah\EDS Mental 2000\Submitted Personnal\Family Personnal\Keepsakes Personnal\Keepsakes\Letters Products\Appliances Products\Art Products\Audio Products\Car items Products\Clothes - Luggage - Linen Products\CPUs Products\Furniture Products\Kitchen Products\Misc Products\Phone Products\Small Personal Electronics Products\Tools Products\Video - TV Peripherals Products\X-10 Products\CPUs\Dave's Gateway, Meriadoc Products\CPUs\Dave's Compaq Presario 1600 XL-145 Laptop Products\CPUs\Deborah's Gateway, Samwise Products\CPUs\Items not being used Products\CPUs\Misc Products\CPUs\Other People's CPUs Products\CPUs\Peripherals Products\CPUs\Server, Gimli Products\CPUs\Software Products\CPUs\Other People's CPUs\Mom Products\CPUs\Other People's CPUs\Simas Products\CPUs\Other People's CPUs\Simas\Sony 705c Laptop Stuff I Want\Audio - Video Stuff I Want\Computer Stuff I Want\Gifts Stuff I Want\Gizmo's Stuff I Want\McKnao Stuff I Want\Stuff I want NOW! Stuff I Want\Gifts\Gift ideas for Deborah Stuff I Want\Gifts\Joshua Travel - Vacation\California Travel - Vacation\England Travel - Vacation\Europe Travel - Vacation\France- French Travel - Vacation\Tahoe Travel - Vacation\United Milage Plus Work - Career\Pixel - Input Work - Career\PixTools notes Work - Career\Pixel - Input\Contacts Work - Career\Pixel - Input\Remote Input Software access Work - Career\Pixel - Input\Reviews

(Submitted by Good News Week )

... and now for something completely different. George W. Bush said he was dumb not to disclose his drink-driving conviction. But why would anyone be surprised? The last U.S. President to show some brains in Texas was John Kennedy.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

Although I'm pretty much a virgin at this site, and in bars on Fridays, one of our regulars is a close friend and has recently suffered a personal tragedy, and he's asked me to relate something to all his friends, especially with this being the holiday season. PLEASE make sure you have smoke alarms in your ATTIC, and that they have current batteries. I believe Walmart sells 'em, so it is kinda receipt related.

(Submitted by Fannie Artichoke )

You may rest assured, Jennifer, that WalMart sells batteries...god knows Derek has bought enough of the %#$@$ %&^%@!% things!

(Submitted by rainy )

hey, you know that freud (the real dude) would say that we're all anal-retentive, so don't feel bad, mr. zoradzero. we all have problems. i have hairy feet as opposed to hairy scars, you know.

(Submitted by Derek )

Nice site. I got drawn in by the fact that our names are the same. I'm looking forward to becoming a regular here, so look for me. By the way, shouldn't you mark out your credit card numbers or something? That's just asking for it.

(Submitted by cookiecrumbler )

He, he he...........

(Submitted by Abi )

lieu - I'm still looking for your fart powder, but would love to swap you for some hedgehog sauce! Terry - shall we bring anything along for your picnic basket??

(Submitted by Abi )

p.s. Jennifer - we must go out for a beer sometime - you sound like my kind of pal!!

(Submitted by Jennifer )

I'm not much on beer, but a glass of beujolais sounds nice, or maybe some champipple. (champagne & ripple) And what the f*ck is that Zero guys problem up there?

(Submitted by Abi )

sorry Jennifer - I forgot you're the wine fan - sounds good to me - anytime! But isn't a glass just a bit too girly - it's gotta be a bottle or two!!

(Submitted by Jennifer )

OK, butt stop me at one...allright, make it one- thirty.

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

Gleetings, Abi-san and Jennifer-san ! Remember "you will meet a stranger who will soon become your friend", "he lives twice, he who lives well" and "a good evening is one spent in good company ". Enjoy the wine, ah so !

(Submitted by lieu )

top o' the morning, all! just to clarify - yep, i wrote the original zero comment butt had NOTHING to do with that moronic monologue that immediately followed. whoever you are, get your own site butt don't expect anybody to visit. how boring! abi, i'm wif you on jeenifer, she's way cool and really needs to try estancia's '97 or '98 cabernet savignon. hi rainy! missed you. morning dennis grass hopper, cookie, derek2 and fannie may i? how everyone be? jen, i think a lot of your friend. please tell him we're thinking of him, his family, his roof and their health. so glad everyone's o.k.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Jeenifer, who is it?? We haven't seen Terry lately... Now you've got me all worried. I need a KITTY TREAT.

(Submitted by in lieu of a blinding stupor )

btw zorad, anal retentive's taken too. are you incapable of any originality that's not horribly tedious?

(Submitted by germaniac )

I...find it hard to believe that Derek already has all of his thanksgiving shopping done! Don't tell me he's waiting until the last minute! SHOW US THE RECIEPT!!!!

(Submitted by lieu )

top o' the nanner to ye too, chiq! here, have a banana creme pie on me. jeen, in addition to the vacationing batteries, any idea what instigated said housewarming? i told him that's what he'd get for playing with campfire girls.

(Submitted by in lieu of paper cups )

yo, germey. i'm looking forward to some of your named chocolate cake this week. figured i'd eat it out of my sheep mug or, as you austrians call it, my ramstein. woohoo! life's so bitchin!

(Submitted by Chiqca )

lieuy-lieuy, *blush* how did you know I like the "top" of the nanner the best? Oh, and a banana cream pie *triple blush* is one of the very best deserts ever. I think I'll pick up a couple for Thanksgiving day. Anybody know where my gal-pal Dal is??? And does anybody know what ever happened to Sweet Princess???

(Submitted by in lieu of pb & j )

no i don't on either count. i miss dal too. i know i kid about bill and hill and al a lot butt three of the most intelligent people i know are fans of theirs, dal's one of them, and i certainly respect their (and everyone else's opinion) on that subject. i hope she's just taking a nice, relaxing holiday vacation. what's it called when livestock gorge themselves too much on feed? foundering? that's what i want to do this week. i hope even my fingers get so full they can't hit a single key at a time. wouldn't it be great if there was also a sexual satiation aspect to this holiday where you were supposed to enjoy not just food but erotic leftovers from "the icebox" until you were completely stuffed over the course of the next week? woohoo. i'd like another leg without dressing please!

(Submitted by question? )

were those original thanksgiving pilgrims our foundering fathers?

(Submitted by germaniaccake )

Lieu! i heard on the news yesterday that eating a full thanksgiving meal until you're stuff has the same strain on your heart as two hours of vigorous sex! There's your erotic element! I'll be thinking of that when I'm stuffing that cavity tomorrow.

(Submitted by lieu (it could happen, right?) )

i was also wondering - if you wear really tight pants, does it change the pitch or resonance factor whenever you pass gas?

(Submitted by in lieu of that "silence is golden" crap )

i mean, think about it... when you and yours are all sitting around the thanksgiving table and even the men feel like they're about to give birth and all of a sudden you're graced with an audible anal melody and the poor dog gets blamed once again, all you have to do is correlate the pooter pitch with the snugginess of everyone's pantalones and bingo, there's your emminator, right?

(Submitted by in lieu of a trumpet )

i'll tell ya, the one person in my family that makes no bones about being guilty is my new baby daughter. geez, when she's got to go she just let's it fly and we all look at each other in amazement that such a striking tune came from such a precious little baby. i know it's not very lady-like and i'm sure someday she'll mend her ways butt right now, when there's methane in the swamp, she's apparently going to play that butt kazoo for all it's worth.

(Submitted by germaniac )

How many times must I say this...IT WAS THE DOG. SHE FARTED. There's nothing more I can say. QUIT LOOKING AT ME. QUIT IT!

(Submitted by teutonic tooter@large )

geez, what was that? bratwurst?

(Submitted by Max Maxwell )

Man, your out there but I'm laughing my arse off. Keep it up.

(Submitted by The Dog )

Not only did I not fart but she encourages me to hump her leg too!

(Submitted by germaniac )

No no Maxwell! YOU keep it up, that's just how the ladies like it.

(Submitted by The Dog )

Man, I get blamed for everything. By the way, who let me out? *WOOF!*

(Submitted by gatekeeper )

uh oh... dog gone?

(Submitted by lieu )

i'm headed to walmart for some POOP DEPENDS, to pick up eunice & edgar, and grab a nice prune and walnut salad. here's to everyone having an enjoyable, safe thanksgiving. i think i can speak for us all when i write that we're certainly THANKFUL our road scholar friend and his family are safe (and warm?). be careful during all your travels and founder properly, mkay? adieu.

(Submitted by cookiecrumbler )

Why did the cookie crumble.....*Laughing demoniacaly demoniacally Damn I don't think the cookie crumbler went to school Hee hee hee hee anyway*

(Submitted by susie )

Dear grasshopper,did you know him, there used to be a fruit here called melon but he tired of us and went away....

(Submitted by Freud )

Actually Rainy Freud would say "Screw Mushu and the Compubank he rode in on."

(Submitted by Judy )

He bought the seventeen magazine because thats the one that has his website address in it! Party on derek!

(Submitted by Marie )

Funny, you bought Seventeen. Did you know you would be mentioned in it or is it just a coincidence?

(Submitted by Cheeseweasel )

HI! I'm a Floridian, so i'd like to apologize on behalf on the entire state for f*cking up the election. Please don't think that we are all imbeciles who can't count and don't know how to punch a damn hole next the person we want to vote for. I just hope that my constant nagging at my friends will win my write in vote Mickey Mouse the top job!!!

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

DON'T FORGET TO PICK UP MILK ON THE WAY HOME!

(Submitted by Jody )

I don't know how anyone can put this much shit on credit card and ever get it payed off!!

(Submitted by papi )

i have a very bad feeling about pacbell/cingular's future. just try to prove me wrong...

(Submitted by Jordan )

That is a good buy!

(Submitted by facialtissue )

HI-INTENSI X I didn't know they sold that kind of stuff at Wal-Mart!