Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by None )

You put potting soil and glue on a VISA??? To what other frivolous uses will credit cards be put? Shame, shame!

(Submitted by Scarface )

Back to smokin' pot & sniffin' glue again I see...

(Submitted by sapphire )

Perhaps Derek is going to try to create a lovely statue of something by mixing the glue and potting soil together. I think it's time he commemorated the Chore Boy in some way...

(Submitted by Freud )

Screw Mushu and the Compubank he rode in on.

(Submitted by Freud )

Derek you charged $4.88! Don't you ever carry cash?

(Submitted by Quijeeboe )

what the hell is wrong with you? were you dropped and then held underwater as a child?

(Submitted by A Concerned Citizen From NYC )

Now wait one second, I thought the last receipt said we had to go to Wyoming to register to vote and now here in black and white it says we have to go to Fargo to register!!! I mean what kinda crazy assed country are we LIVING IN!?! These are the sorts of issues that Bush and Gore need to discuss in the debates, cause this is just stupid!! No wonder Bill Clinton won last time. (This would never happen in Oprah was Prez...she is so well organized)

(Submitted by Sparky )

The worst part of it is, you have to be there on the 21st AND the 22nd...why can't it all be done in one day? And I thought we were slow down here in th' south.

(Submitted by Air Jamaica )

Guess the ANIMAL CRACK was no good...I'm betting next receipt, potato chips, doritos, m & m's, and visine; and some DEW for the cottonmouth.

(Submitted by Mr. Ed )

I really resent this particular receipt. *whinny from the great beyond*

(Submitted by Chiqca )

NYC Citizen, just to make it all even more cornfoosing, I purchased some items at my local W*M today here in California, and my receipt says that you must register HERE, TOO!!! How are we ever gonna get to all the different states in one day???

(Submitted by Chiqca again )

Sheesh! No wonder so few people vote. Who can afford the air fare just to register?

(Submitted by girly )

hey, they have registation here in indiana, too! sam walton's magical mystery tour!

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Hey, in case y'll were wondering, the manager at my local Wal*Mart is Jon Groth. And he is apparently also sold for less. Any Groth fans out there? Say it with me *waving hands in the air* GO GROTH! GO GROTH! He's a better man that Matt Krieg (no offense Matt).

(Submitted by lieu )

i'm just curious why the first glue didn't work. was the second glue to glue the first two glues together? does this have anything to do wif my missing pony? i loved my pony, elmer!

(Submitted by stuck in the piddle wif you )

yeah, if the $1.47 glue doesn't work, be sure and buy the .25 cent shit.

(Submitted by lieu )

i've never taken a Viagra but if'n i ever did i'd probably take two because i hear whatever doesn't kill us makes us longer.

(Submitted by Digruntled Employee )

I put Viagra in my boss' coffee one morning...he was 6" taller by lunchtime.

(Submitted by teeny little super gal )

you mean to tell me that this many people post on this site in ONE DAY!!!????? shit folks, go to work, school, prison...ANYTHING>.... i mean this is just ludicrous! you should all be ashamed that you give even the tiniest fart that this guy bought dirt and glue....i mean really, kids... this whole internet scheme is deadening the nerve endings of all you little bratty kids out there... sheesh.

(Submitted by teeny little super gal )

and by the waay... what IS up with the 2 glues derrick? i mean TWO glues!!! ONE dirt.... don't you know about the outrageous prices of gas these days... go to costco man.

(Submitted by Terry )

Hey lieu, are you as turned on as I am by this gal? Boy, I wish I knew where I could get a handful of dirt and some glue...

(Submitted by Lauren )

where exactly is derek's webpage??? help! oh, and der, sniffing glue, i see how it is.

(Submitted by melon )

say sniff, say sniff.

(Submitted by Dally (Not Ashamed) )

Sometimes when I am feeling really bratty and my nerve endings are almost numb, I like to glue animal cracks together, either that or I like to find a dolly and slide myself under some nice chassis and tinker about. melon!!!!! So good to see you!

(Submitted by Confused about the correlation between dirt and glue and the price of gas at costco )

Lauren...here ya go: http://dahlsad.freeservers.com /derek/

(Submitted by Freud )

The manager at our Wal*Mart is Weymond Denson.

(Submitted by sapphire )

teeny little super gal, Costco doesn't EXIST up here in Minnesota.......Wal-Mart is the best we get. Sam's club if we're really blessed.

(Submitted by in lieu of suits )

yep, ter. plus her confusing correlation between dirt, glue and gas like der mentioned makes me think maybe a viagran wood have a chance of wooing her with equally confoosing pillow talk. she rants about the site but then turns around and posts. gawd, i truly love an unprincipaled woman. and the funny thing is that if she now rebuts us then she's admittedly become what she first critized. come back, teeny little bikini gal!!!

(Submitted by in lieu of p.u. )

Hmmm, dis-gruntled... isn't that what new poop panties makes a baby?

(Submitted by Little Moth )

Glue and dirt are what keeps this site together. Ms.C I was so proud to see the hankies waving. Your dedication and hard work at the embroidery was so apparent. I would be proud to soil one.

(Submitted by rainy )

yes! yes! HTTP://DAHLSAD.FREESERVERS.COM /DEREK/ all ladies look under the section called "he has a daughter?" and check out the pic of our lordship, derek "da bomb" dahlsad, with his adorable daughter!!!

(Submitted by chili )

flowing water and i will drink it...i will drink for youuuuuu...a part of me left that only you knew will never be understoooooooood...

(Submitted by rainy )

hey, by the way, our walmart head honcho's name is chad edwards!

(Submitted by rainy )

...and he's ALWAYS sold for less. always.

(Submitted by Chad Edwards )

'Scuse me, but I do NOT manage a WAL*MART, I am the guitarist for Lou Ford, and I've never even been In diana (not that there's anything WRONG with that) See for yourself at www.louford.com

(Submitted by Dalliance )

rainy, welcome to the family and may your love for the Big D grow and blossom, as has ours, much like the red thingie part on a cactus or a apono bulb in Scott's soil! Good Morning Sweet Old World.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Hi Chad, are you the dude in the blue shirt in the pic..ya know the one riding shot gun in the car?

(Submitted by Dally )

O, and orgami? Cool.

(Submitted by in lieu of reed )

Now wait a minute Dal. I'm not sure my feelings for the Big D could be classified as love and he damn sure doesn't do anything to make my red thingy part blossom or soil itself. I do, however, think he's a righteous dude and dig the way His Airness wafts gently across the WalLot sans strides. I guess I think of him more as Johnny Quest. We're all his Hadji wannabes and Copmut is his Bandit. Does that make Matt Kreig Dr. Quest? And who is Race in this virtual comic?

(Submitted by in lieu of candles or flowers )

The last time I made a special WalTrip specifically for both POT SOIL and GLUE was so we could make giant phallic topiaries for a friend's bachelor party. We mixed the dirt and glue and sprinkled Chia Pet seeds all over them, especially the base, and all the hos... errr... female entertainers said they gave them that warm, fuzzy feeling.

(Submitted by minivan gogh )

Wow! Stand back about 5' from the receipt and notice how everything combines to make kind of an Impressionist- style figure of a robotic man. He's wearing a hat, has two arms, a butt to the left, striped pants and shoes. Hey, what in tarnation is he doing with the 0.00 change due? OMG... it's a sublimminal message to buy more lotion and wipes!

(Submitted by hefty pickens )

WalMan's got a big ass doesn't he? Looks a little like Oprah.

(Submitted by Oprah )

Hey, you better watch what you say about me or I'll buy the company you work for & fire you. I can do it. Oh yes I can.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Hefty! Mini! Hand over that Elmer's right this second!!! Jesus, what is WITH you men today??? Chiqca? Abi? Where are you??

(Submitted by hefty Oprah Crackers )

Sorry about the typo. I meant to say "Looks like a little Oprah" ... "like a little Oprah with a great big fat ass!" Heck, Oprah puts the Rhino in rhinoplasty.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

*walking over to Terry, punching him hard in the stomach, then throwing myself on him, kissing him passionately*

(Submitted by hefty )

I work for the RolyPoly Corp. which she can't buy because then she'd have a RolyPoly MonoPoly.

(Submitted by sinator clinton wannabe )

i don't know if i can trust you anymore.

(Submitted by lieu )

If an Oprah falls over in the woods and there's nobody there to hear it, does it still scare the shit out of all the bears?

(Submitted by 1st lieu, 2nd verse )

If an Oprah takes a shit in the woods, does it make the pope cathartic?

(Submitted by Monica Lieuinsky )

If a man dumps you to the wolves, does smoke still come out of the cigar?

(Submitted by Oprah )

That's it. You're all fired. Better get those resumes spit shined & ready for envelope stuffing.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Hi Dally! *big hug*

(Submitted by lieu )

Monica used Lieu. That twern't me. Me thinks she needs to be beret-ed.

(Submitted by NO NO BARRETTE )

Lieu, Monica used you?? What fer? Are you sure that's not just the absinthe talking? Is she still wearing that barrette? Damn, Oprah got me again..*picking up my head and carrying it under my arm*

(Submitted by rainy )

i love everyone. I KISS YOU!!!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

rainy, I KISS YOU BACK!!!...without the stomach punch *sweet grin*

(Submitted by Dalliance )

rainy-girl, do you mind helping me glue my head back on? Hey Chiqca-Babes *hugging back* *worrying about Abi and her petrol*

(Submitted by Fossils-R-Us )

lieu, any idea how we might score Abi some high octane unleaded?

(Submitted by Terry )

Dal, have you ever punched a toothless, beer bellied, hairy-assed, tattoed biker in the belly before? And more importantly, have you ever kissed one. Trust me, it's not pretty...

(Submitted by Dal )

Sorry, about my earlier outburst Ter, - think it was the glue that got me going like that. As to your question, as a matter o' fact I have...the punching part I mean, then I made wimply mullet get on his knees and kiss my ass but I guess that doesn't really count, huh?

(Submitted by Azrael Brown )

that's why Abi isn't around -- those British petrol-powered PCs can't operate during the boycott! They're stuck crossing the Channel and borrowing some friendly Frenchman's Minitel terminal.......

(Submitted by Weymond Denson )

Hey man! Who be the mother fucker posting my name here!

(Submitted by Little Moth )

I got a spot you can kiss.

(Submitted by Rowdy Dally )

Yep, yep, that took place in a little dive outside Ocala back in '94 *giggling at the memory*

(Submitted by Terry )

Point of clarification: I'm from th' south, so just because I HAVE experienced kissing a toothless, beer- bellied, hairy-assed, tattoed biker, that didn't mean it was a GUY.

(Submitted by Bunny Rabbit )

Azrael, er..what is a Minitel?

(Submitted by Bunny )

Is that like a mullet?

(Submitted by Terry )

...and might I also add, I should imagine that was one LUCKY wimply mullet. Do I get Ass Kissing Priviledges too?

(Submitted by Dally )

AKP? why yes you do, you took that punch like a real Minitel *blushing, digging my toe in the dirt and looking up shyly* I didn't hurt your tummy much, did I?

(Submitted by lieu )

you guys get a f*cking steam room, mkay? in the mean time, how in the heck is Nannette? talk about a long time, no hear from! "Yes, yes, you saucy little bandit." I love British chicks slaying me wif der BroadWays. And the hopefully temporistic note is quite the "turn" too. Dirty girl - "No No." "I feel pretty... Oh so pretty..."

(Submitted by in lieu of you )

i'm just saying dat someone borrowed lieu wifout asking. minor transgression, butt go ahead and be proud of your own posts... don't test the waters on someone else's name. mkay?

(Submitted by No No NY Jets )

It once was a desirable city. Broadway Joe showed it could be quite gritty. But because of the attitude, And along wif the extreme latitude, Breathable air tends to remain quite shitty.

(Submitted by wh@ever.edu )

Me thinks I'm in need of a breather. Oxygen will do if you've no ether. I love when in a rush, You fulfill you're maximum blush. Sure does show your lack of them teethers.

(Submitted by Abi )

Dal, Chiq, Terry, Lieu - huzzah! - I've made it back in front of my petrol-powered Mac *big hugs 'n' blowing kisses all 'round*..... I have to say the glue helped get by during the fuel crisis, my, the weekend went past in a riot of colour and lots of laughter...lieu - sorry to hear you're good name's been hijacked again, still we know the true lieu! Here, have a hedgehog to play with....*tossing over little prickly thingy*

(Submitted by Pillion Pal )

Hey Ter - are you sure we've never met before? Don't suppose you remember what the tattoo looked like do ya? The beer-belly sure sounds like me!!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

wait..hang on..lieu you have an imposter? Is that what you are saying? Which posts for example did you not write...Imposter...we HATE imposters...Please take note of what has happened to previous ones. Derek DOES NOT PLAY!!

(Submitted by Dally )

oh, wait! the Monica Lieuinsky??? wait that was me! I was playing on your name I didn't mean to be impersonating you. I am very very sorry. Please forgive.

(Submitted by Abi in lieu of normal )

oh Dally - you naughty girl *smacked wrists*! Here have a glass of absinthe, the old boy'll forgive you

(Submitted by Dalliance facing the corner drinking absinthe )

Thanks Abi-girl...Gawd, I've missed you *chugging absinthe* I sure hope so...otherwise I will have to do that self-flaggelating thing. He seems pretty pissed off at the moment...I didn't understand much of that Nannette post but it didn't sound good. lieu, I swear I didn't mean to imposter you. Don't be angry with me.

(Submitted by Abi - joining you in small tipple )

I wasn't sure if it was me - but the Nanette one fazed me out too - lieu, where are you - what's it all about??

(Submitted by Alfie )

Hey, that's my line.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Am I missing something? Who is Nanette & where is her post? I don't see anything. Could somebody please "glue" me in here.

(Submitted by lieu and liscivious behavior )

hi sweet girls. i loved the no no nanette reference, it's been years butt was once a great play. pissed? hardly! if'n it sounded so then yes, it probably was the absinte talking, actually a '94 estancia cab sav, my favorite but it does get me into trouble. now about this self flaggelating thing... tell me more! are binoculars allowed? (by the way, how 'bout dem cowboys!!!)

(Submitted by susieonprozac )

Dear Lieu imposter, you are a little fuzzy . I can reccommend the Prozac. :) :) :) :)

(Submitted by susieonprozac )

And I'll take spelling lessons

(Submitted by Fuzzy Wuz He? )

susie, it's the beret. fine virgin wool it wuz

(Submitted by Dalliance (peeking from corner) )

lieu, where the hell is estancia? Is that near Indiana. As to the self-flaggelation..well, I've never tried it with binoculars, there was that one time with the telescope, but...wow! temporistic..now THERE is a word!!!

(Submitted by Abi - relieved! )

thank gawd you're ok lieu ok - you had us worried there for a minute.....cab sav eh? personally I think you can't beat a jug of scrumpy (I like that word Dal, it's friendly-like) - I'll send some over if you like, I'll swop you for some petrol....

(Submitted by Sparky )

I rode in a '94 cab sav last time I was up North...it was OK, 'cept Chris Rock was a little annoying.

(Submitted by in lieu of cifer )

wow, all my favorite fuzzy friends are wired today. it's a napa winery whose cabernets kicked butt all the way thru the 90's. heck, if'n i can't have y'all dangle grapes into my mouth i can at least enjoy a warm glass at night whilst reading your imaginative and titilating posts. (titilating posts - now THERE'S a term, dal).

(Submitted by Life is a Cabernet Savignon )

I'd like someone to dangle a jug o' scrumpy (you're right Abi-Cakes that's a very friendly word) over my mouth whilst being titilated by an all male caberet kicking their fuzzy napas about, old chum.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Dal, estancia is up near outer-Slebovia. I was there back in the summer of '35... what a heat wave. I don't recommend going there if you got a lot of nanners that could get mushy in the heat. It was not a pretty sight. By the way, I don't think Indiana exists anymore.

(Submitted by Chiqca again )

I remember reading about a month ago that Indiana was invaded by the Brits and is now a British colony. Abi, can you confirm this?

(Submitted by in lieu of abstinance )

i'm pretty sure virginia doesn't exist anymore either. didn't their slogan say 'virginia is for lovers'? you can't really have it both ways now can you? and the virgin islands? aren't they the spice girl islands now? definately not uncharted territory.

(Submitted by walfix )

just thinking - what the hell does "unchartered waters" mean? wouldn's all charts of water look pretty much the same? if i'm sailing into unchartered waters i'd think i'd know exactly what to expect.

(Submitted by lieu )

yeah chiq, it must have been the brits in indiana because i remember hearing something about a bobby being there...

(Submitted by oh, you know )

and a knight too.

(Submitted by Can I come out of the corner yet please )

wal, actually I think waters require thorough mapping for salt content..hence the need for salt mappers - an important job...sorta like being a fuzzy napa. Chicqa..thanks for clueing me in on the Estancia thing, cuz Lord knows I'd hate to be stuck off in outer Ravioli with hot fruit.

(Submitted by Dal )

I think I scared Terry off...wow, I'm batting like 3000 today

(Submitted by dimaggio all the people )

yeah, but your long ball in the bottom of the inning was a thing of beauty.

(Submitted by sandy kofax machine )

i like games that go into extra innings.

(Submitted by hose b canseco )

maam, is that bat corked?

(Submitted by Mr. Hersheiser )

What do you mean I can't name my kid "Anal"? Let's see, what's another stupid name...

(Submitted by Dr. Ehrich Weiss )

A short time ago, a young man came into my office, complaining of intense abdominal pain, caused by an intense blow to his mid section by a person or persons unknown. Apparently this blow, unbeknownst to the victim, ruptured his appendix, causing massive inflammation of the peritoneum, to such a degree that the patient has expired. I found this web address in his pocket, along with a note, "Pick up extra large condoms at WAL*MART". Any information as to the identity of this hairy-assed, tattoed, no-toothed, biker looking person will be appreciated.

(Submitted by smokey the hair )

never heard of him doc. did he have an aim-n-flame in his hand? any rectal burnishings?

(Submitted by Dalliance )

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(Submitted by PUBLIC MENACE )

OH GOD I KILLED TERRY *looking for a cliff to jump off, a subway to leap in front of, some apono bulbs to swallow*

(Submitted by P.M. )

*WAAAAAAAA* Before I even got a chance to see the *beating my breasts* NUN!!! *writhing in agony*

(Submitted by yfnse )

Wow... there I was, randomly wandering the 'net, wondering if the world could get any sicker or more pointless. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I stub my toe on the obscure site. WalMart receipts, of all things! Years of them! dri-wipes! Skulls! Sunglasses! And, most fearful of all, the pithy comments and searing insights into this poor man's life! It's like looking into an eclipse -- you know it's harmful, but so fascinating you can't help it. I feel sick....

(Submitted by Chiqca )

yfnse, welcome to the dark side. Life will never be the same again. Here, have a welcome tool set.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Oh, and by the way yfnse, they're not dri-wipes. It's dri-bottoms and wipes (2 separate, but very distinct things).

(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal )

*sigh* It has been too long. Now I feel better. Gosh I LOVE reading the posts here. *nothersigh*

(Submitted by I kilt the Terrence but I did not punch the Sysop D )

Suz, so great to see you!!!!! Bad news, I killed Terry...opps *abashed Hugh Grant face* Chiqca, so glad you straightened yfnse out on the dri-bottoms/wipes thing *shaking my head* dri-wipes, *chuckling* how cute...yfnse, welcome, here have some snowy gravel and a *looking in my little hot pink Wal*mart Fanny Pack*..less see here..ah hah!! a hairy scar, that one was Terry's I think *sniff*

(Submitted by Knuckle Ball )

Oedipal Hersheiser is kinda catchy.

(Submitted by Dallyland at Night )

*Frolicking and frisking freely about the room doing my little fairy dance since I am all alone with no one to see me. Setting a sprinkler in the middle of the room, turning on the water and romping thru the water beads in the dark room..singing to myself and waving my glow-in- the-dark fairy wand with streamers*

(Submitted by Mojax )

Oh my, I must say that this is probably the most peculiar place for a message board with regulars to start up. I can't even quite remember how the heck I got here. Well,I actually don't have a bloody thing to say, so I'll be off. But it's been a most amusing experience reading through your posts.

(Submitted by Abi )

oh no - Terry's had an abdominal explosion!!?? Dal - are you alright - don't blame yourself, it was an accident - these bikers always look tougher than they are....here have a sounvenir model of Big Ben to comfort yourself with....

(Submitted by Dal in the Mourning )

ooooohhhh, Abi, oh sweet Abi-Cakes, you always know the right thing to say and do, thank you, I'm gonna go comfort myself with Big Ben for a bit - be back later.

(Submitted by Big Ben )

Hhey...who turned out the lights???

(Submitted by in lieu of convention )

True, knuck ball. Now that brings up another cruel parent... what the heck were Oedipus' parents thinking when they named him. Would you let your daughter go out with a guy named Oedipus?

(Submitted by mellow yellow )

hot pink waltart fanny pack? sounds like a great place to keep an animal crack.

(Submitted by Johnson )

If I had another wanker, I'd name it Big Ben.

(Submitted by in lieu of glue )

Hey Mrs. Campbell, I was watching Stewart last night talking about this new Australian skin removal heat gel. It's really got a catchy name - Nads! (That actually was also our softball team's name. The cheerleaders would yell "Go Nads!") We were just wondering, do Nads need to be stored in a safe, dry place? Should Nads be rubbed on with the applicator stick or by hand? If Nads are applied to the eyebrows or elsewhere on the face, must they be removed immediately or is it okay for them to be left on for awhile? And should Nads be reused or might we apply new Nads each time? Your comments regarding the proper use of Nads would be most appreciated. Does anyone know if Nads can be found in bulk at WalMart?

(Submitted by woops )

err... sorry, that was "hair" removal gel.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

lieu, I think you were right the first time with skin removal gel (except I think it's wax?). That shit will strip your skin right off. If you don't believe me, I dare you to try it.

(Submitted by Nadia Comaneche )

I've found dat putting de Nads in my lap until dey come up to de body temperature makes dem perform de best, yes?

(Submitted by lieu )

so chiq, you're our west coast Nads expert? pray tell, dear girl, is there a school of thought on their proper application?

(Submitted by Ralph Lauren )

You need to try my exotic new cologne. I've based it on the smells and sounds of the Egyptian bazarr and call it "Sphincter".

(Submitted by ho'd scholar )

i don't know chiq... i spread the Nads over jose canseco's wife's back and it took all the hair off but left the skin intact. course, he's toughened it up over the years.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

lieu, the best way to apply it is to NOT apply it at all unless you are a masochist or have some need to remove the skin from your body. Personally, if that was the sole way to remove unwanted hair, I'd rather run around looking like a sasquatch. In fact, the girl on the Nads infomercial even says that after using it for a while, the hair ceases to grow because you've REPEATEDLY RIPPED THE HAIR ROOT FROM THE BODY. Now, I'm sorry, but I don't want any part of my body repeatedly ripped out by the root. Logic & common sense just tell me that is wrong.

(Submitted by Dally )

Chicqa, Abi...I think lieu is referring to the slang NAD which stands for Gonads...Go Nads Go.

(Submitted by hefty lefty & righty )

oh no, chiq. please dont tell me you are "just saying no to nads!" oh, the humanity...

(Submitted by Abi )

lieu - believe me - it doesn't work, the damm stuff always grows back, but if one's determined to strip wax - I agree with Chiq - you do not want to apply this stuff yourself (oneself, not you) - it bloody hurts!! And then the anticipation knowing you've got rip the next strip off - personally I think a quick blast on the aim 'n' flame would be much more effective - and you would have nice smooth skin after it heals too. Have you tried waxing your chest hair - it seems to be quite the rage with young chaps?

(Submitted by Fuzzy Napas )

fruit of the loins

(Submitted by Abi )

lieu - another thought, to remove the prickles from a hedgehog, if you wrap it in clay and bake it, when you peel the clay back the prickles come out, voila! baldy hog! - a new angle on a mud wrap perhaps?

(Submitted by waxing poetical )

Raging nads are the fad with most lads

(Submitted by Abi )

perhaps the HOT clay wrap thing should be applied to gonads.....only kidding boys! Just wanted to experience a split second wince from anyone out there....

(Submitted by Bueller, Bueller... )

From the makers of Nads comes TestEZ. Take two before an exam and you'll get rave reviews from your professors.

(Submitted by Washington Redskin )

if we were playing touch football, would you be for shirts or for skins?

(Submitted by walfix )

Chiquita, I too don't want any part of my body repeatedly ripped out anywhere near the root. Logic & common sense just tell me that is wang.

(Submitted by Abi )

walfx - you sure? you guys just don't know what you're missing in the pursuit of ideal beauty....you can even get your eyebrows waxed, yeeouch!!

(Submitted by waxing uneloguently, waning rapidly )

wax is the root of all evil. oh gawd, i'm starting to sound like melon.

(Submitted by in lieu of dippity doo )

brooke shields has very thick eyebrows and she looks great. you gals quit putting yourselves thru so pl*cking much pain just for us. it's not what we want either!

(Submitted by lieu lieu )

Man, this is too funny... I just went to the Nads homepage and I swear to you the second paragraph about Nads starts off with the words "In a nut shell,". Ha! I'm losing it! If that's not sublimminal advertising...

(Submitted by Dally )

Ugh, work is suuuuch a distraction...hey, did ya'll know that wax-fil is an anagram of wal-fix....that's like, freaky.

(Submitted by bob )

and "freaky" is an anagram of "a fre ky." wow.

(Submitted by Henauder Titzoff )

Vat am I zan anagrams zof?

(Submitted by Dalliance )

bob, you're a common palindrome.

(Submitted by yfnse )

Hmm... (feeling the inexorible pull and tug of this... thing here.. wreak havoc and force me to join in... like the snake's eyes in "Jungle Book" cartoon movie)... I can't (and won't) even guess which is the main event and which is the sideshow. Do we attach ourselves remora- like to the receipts, or are they empty shells, simple life-support systems for all these mind-boggling posts? Oh, and there are no more common palindromes. The last one was knighted by King Melvin in 1843. Lord Palindrome's descendants now live on as maitre'des in Italian restraurants where the waiters are all illegal Mexican (or Turkish) immigrants who all have very bad false Italian accents...

(Submitted by Abba )

Knowing me knowing you.

(Submitted by Elvis Costello )

The angels wanna wear my red shoes.

(Submitted by Elvis Costello )

Alison, I know this world is killing you, O, Alison, my aim is true.

(Submitted by Elvis Lives )

I'm just a hunka, hunka burnin' love.

(Submitted by Olletsoc Sivle )

uuuhhhh..I meant 'my aim-n- flame is true' Righto, carry on.

(Submitted by Trailer Park Tammy )

I'm calling bullshit, cuz we all know good and durn well that The Palindrome is where all them WWF Wrassling matches are held.

(Submitted by Little Moth )

<<<MOMMY,is that you?>>>

(Submitted by Trailer Park Tammy )

Little Moth, wot the hell!! I thought'd I done glued you good an' tight to the septic tank, ya little rascal. Reckon I didn't give ya enough Nyquil this time...now git yore ass back to the trailer 'fore I have git Ugly Dewayne after ya.

(Submitted by Fenix )

Ahhhhh. That's much better...thanks for the shower.

(Submitted by bertie mcsquerty )

do you sniff glue??? or just break a lot of things?

(Submitted by bertie mcsquerty )

do you sniff the glue??? or just break a lot of things?

(Submitted by Steve )

We don't have this sort of thing here in England ! We just have extremely sad sites; ie supermarket trolleys in strange locations - very sad ! Inviting vistors to you site to make comments is inspired ! Juts one question - what CAN'T you but at Wal*Marts ?

(Submitted by Steve )

Thought I ought to mention (or should that be warn !!) that your site has been mentioned in the "gossip/humerous stroies" section of a IT Newspaper for IT/Computing Professionals ! Prepare your self for comments from sad, geeks who wear glasses and have funny hair cuts - really like that guy from Microsoft !

(Submitted by Steve )

I thought this was going to be interesting, something to do during my coffee breaks ! Am I all alone ?

(Submitted by in lieu of reed )

i'll bite. what does yfnse stand for? are those your initials? you must be spanish.

(Submitted by Abi )

Hi Steve - I'm here - you are not alone - what was the magazine that mentioned the site - I'm also UK-based, and get the odd one delivered in-house! Anyway - have fun here !!

(Submitted by WalFix )

If yfnse is female, I hope it stands for Yours For Naughty Sensual Escapades.

(Submitted by Mellow Yellow )

Hi Abi. I think Steve just was drinking his coffee too fast for us to respond. Course, that's a problem with a lot of coffee drinkers.

(Submitted by Abi )

lieu - glad you asked, it's been bugging me too - what about "young, friendly nads stripper extraordinaire"??

(Submitted by lieu )

hold on steve, let me polish off my nyquil and bacon and i'll get back to you.

(Submitted by in lieu of reality )

a nads stripper doesn't sound too friendly to me. how about Your Friendly Neighborhood Sex Educator? hey, it could happen...

(Submitted by lieu )

speaking of names, did i hear correctly on the radio yesterday that misty hyman won a medal in swimming? as difficult as that one is to leave alone, i'll be nice. for now.

(Submitted by Abi )

I'm surprised you can leave that alone.....watch this space...anyhow - what about 'Young Frau Needs Stud, Eagerly'??

(Submitted by Steve )

Glad I'm not alone, otherwise I might have to resort to catergorizing my rice crispy collection ! Hi there Abi, the mag I refered to was Computing and the Backbytes section. No coffee I'm afraid, just a homemade banana milkshake !!! ;-)

(Submitted by Abi )

Hi Steve - you'll find you're never alone here - sorry to bang on about it, was it the latest issue of Computing? You want to be careful mentioning bananas here - wait and see.....

(Submitted by Slim (nose) Pickens )

i just hope it's not Yucky Foul Nasal Scent Eminator.

(Submitted by steve )

What about You Floss Nasal Sinuses Easy ? Besides, I've got a lovely bunch .....

(Submitted by Steve )

Sorry Abi, forgot to answer your question, yes it was the latest copy of Computing (21st Sept) and you can "bang on" about it any time !

(Submitted by St. Peter )

Yellowish Flying Nun Spray Emmination?

(Submitted by Steve )

Your Flatuance Neatly Symbolizes Energy ?

(Submitted by Ash-Lee-B (uk) )

Try cocaine its much better for you then Glue...

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Steve!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh!!!! *sighing dreamily* You're my hero! A homemade banana milkshake? You really do know how to go straight to my heart *pitter patter, pitter patter* When can we get married? I really think we are destined to be together. You don't mind moving to California, do you? I'm running out to pick up my wedding dress right now *run run run, door slam*

(Submitted by Abi )

see Steve - I knew it would happen! You just had to mention the 'b' word...oh well - say Chiq - can Dal and I be the bridesmaids??? Pleeese....

(Submitted by yfnse )

All that, and all you can pick on is my nom de guerre? At least Trailer Park Tammy knows about palindromes, although in a uniquely Southern-fried way. Tam, glue is never used to hold carpet-crawlers to septic devices. Teflon tape is the preferred method, as glue might clog the fill lines. And, don't use Nyquil. Use Wild Turkey, like a good little redneck. "You Forget, None Shall Escape" will work for today, I think.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

*door slam, run run run, panting for breath, perspiring femininely* Got the dress. Abi, of course you and Dal can be my bridesmaids... I wouldn't want anyone else! And the copmut can be the "flower dog" and chore boy can be the ring bearer. lieu, will you give me away? I'd be so honored. OK, got go make more arrangements *run run run, door slam*

(Submitted by Pillion Pal )

Yo Funky 'N' Spanky Escapee......

(Submitted by Igor )

This site just became this weeks proud winner of the UK Computing 'Most point web site' award. You were joint with a site that had a live webcam in a corn field !!!

(Submitted by lieu )

You know, many parts of the corn plant are edible. Did the cam catch any crop circlers? Seems to be quite popular with the cousins these days. Chiq, give you away? I really don't know, my little peelable fruit. This site has always been a pleasant mixture of Academia, Business and Baywatch and so what would we do without our little SandTart? yfnse, you're quite the chamelion! Same form but flying different colors each day? Kinky! Let's see, none shall escape... sounds Southern Possessive with a distinctly British twang - kinda like a Monty Bob Python gatekeeper might produce.

(Submitted by Mellow Yellow )

Geez, Trailer Park Dewayne. I hear that site's got sound now. I don't think I want to go back... probably just a lot of creaking beds, flatulance and whiny inbreds that sound like Prince Charles.

(Submitted by in lieu of Firestones )

to know me is to lug me.

(Submitted by Steve )

Chiquita, although I bet you look abolsutely fantastic in white, things seem to be going a little too fast, slow down, take a deep breathe before you do yourself an injury by running into that door that slammed a little too quick ! We have all the time in the world !

(Submitted by Auntie Abi )

Chiq - don't panic - this isn't total rejection - here have a Big Ben to console yourself with *handing over BB*

(Submitted by Squint Hardwood )

Lay Misty for me.

(Submitted by Hyman Dickover )

Who would be so cruel as to name their kid Misty Hyman?

(Submitted by Chiquita )

*sobbing quietly* Could someone please hand me a facial tissue to dry these banana tears? *sadly shuffling out to return the wedding dress* Oh wait, I can't return it, I alrady had it altered. Anybody need a wedding dress, size 6?

(Submitted by Etta Furrburger )

What's wrong with Misty Hyman?

(Submitted by hefty )

obviously not me.

(Submitted by Richard Gere )

Me either butt do you have an extra Habitrail?

(Submitted by Dick Gear )

So tell me more about this animal crack...

(Submitted by lieu )

Don't despair Chiq. We still hold your mushy nanners in high regard.

(Submitted by Richard (Dick) Leakey )

Yeah, what's wrong with Misty Hyman?

(Submitted by Dick Trickle )

Did someone mention Misty?

(Submitted by Hyman Pressman )

Remember me?

(Submitted by Little Moth )

Chiquita,leave the dress in the closet I'll take care of it. I'll be there as soon as child services catches up with Mommy. They know about her habit of standing on the corner, waving at people for a ride.

(Submitted by in lieu of scissors )

such a funny little moth. could you possibly help me with some paper dolls i'm working on? okay, they're really paper brittany spears. careful now, winged one. lots of aim-n-flames in this crowd.

(Submitted by R. U. Serious )

Hyman Pressman was a local attorney in Baltimore. Sure, why wouldn't our international posters remember him?

(Submitted by Hymie (Summer of '42) )

She sounds... nice.

(Submitted by ? )

why did the chicken cross the road

(Submitted by yfnse )

Lieu: wow, you're spooooky. Suffice to say that your analysis is very near to 100%, and the reference to Python most acute. Even the guess as to regional location -- on the money. "You Fools, Nobody Sees Everything" Monty Bob Python...he he he

(Submitted by jewels )

Tell us!

(Submitted by ! )

You F*%^ers Needed Some Eggs

(Submitted by in lieu of eggs )

She turned me into a newt! *stammer, kick @ dirt* I *pause* I got better...

(Submitted by in lieu of travel )

What's a palindrone? Is that when Richard Boone talks for a long time?

(Submitted by Chuck Conners )

I guess the producers were right. The Riflefag just doesn't have the same ring to it... not that there's anything wrong with that.

(Submitted by Mark )

Pa! Pa! I think I shrunk your shirt again!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

*running across the room in super slo mo, long blonde hair flowing, breasts breasting...stopping..standing on tiptoes, hand to forehead, scanning the horizon for trouble* Chiqca!!! I see her now, a drowning spirit o'rtaken by the riptide of banana love (ah, the slippery beast to whom all plantain appeals mean naught)...*slo-moing over to embrace Chiqca* There, there, sweet Chiqs.

(Submitted by Chuck Conners )

Lucas, did I ever tell you what seeing a man in uniform does to me? What? Do I want to be hung?

(Submitted by in lieu of two )

hey, that breasts breasting thing was pretty cool. i'll bet you could beat misty in the breast stroke. woah, think of the implications of a 100 meter breast stroke. i think i'd give me a stroke too.

(Submitted by Dally )

Bloody Hell! From whence did all the Limeys arrive *hiding all my typhoon and Earl Grey T & A Bags* Tally Ho, Mates! Welcome aboard. Here, have a MD 3 IN 1, and SPONGE WEDGS for everyone!!!! And Steve for you: a FEEDER SQRL

(Submitted by Chiqca )

*lower lip quivering pathetically* Dal, I thought he was my banana man... my peelable (as lieu put it) counterpart... I thought we'd be together forever. But alas, he was just another piece of fruit in the big fruit-bowl of life. I shall recover, I shall move on to find another...

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Chiqca..*pat pat* I know, I know....Oh where is Bjorn when we need him!!! Besides, girlfriend, you know I'm not one to mention these things but...*looking side to side* his fruit wasn't even...er... turgid. I mean, come on, a shake? What are you going to do with that? Take the Big Ben babe..*nodding knowingly*

(Submitted by Dal is your Pal )

hey lieu lieu...wot's up? Southern Possessive with a distinctly British twang! Woohoo, that's some mightly fancy talk your talking, Sport.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Yes, Dal, you are right. You & Abi are actually lucky the whole thing was called off, 'cause I had already picked out really hideous bridesmaid dresses the color of ripe bananas. So, ummmm, *grasping the Big Ben* what exactly do I do with this thing? Hmmm, it feels very similar to a girthy ankle. *turning Big Ben around, examining from all sides*

(Submitted by Dalliance (attempting to read between the lines) )

ah, I get it Monty Bob Python..Bob being a palindrome and Michael Palin being part of Monty Python!! WOOHOO. yfnse, the Wild Turkey gave the Southern part away.."most acute"..very Brit. Hmmmmm, a Brit working for a large corporation (telecommunications, perhaps?) in the Southern US...Texas is my guess. I say you are a male, married, two kids and occasionally download pics of naked ladies...but I could be wrong..Here, have a horseclock and, really, yfnse, welcome to the family.

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

Apropos of nothing: Paula Yates was a survivor. -- Guardian Obituary, 18/9/00

(Submitted by Linda Lovelace )

Bored bored bored bored bored.

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

I would like you all to know that on 20 July 1998, Derek made his smallest credit card purchase, a paltry $1.78, but oh, how he thought long and hard how to spend it, and savoured the moment as he wandered through the aisles at 10 to 8 on that fateful Monday night, picking up the cabinet ltchs, the poly dia kits, the hair access, turning them over, fingering them, cogitating their prices, but no, none of this was sufficient, he made his way to the checkout unsatisfied and slightly annoyed, but there, before his eyes, gleaming in its pristine (but slightly sticky from fingers that slipped in too many gummy bears undetected by the security cameras) plastic wrapper, was a counter card, oh how attractive, what form, what grace, and such a petite but seductive message inside too! He couldn't resist, his fingers tingled at the touch, his loins stirred in anticipation, he picked up the counter card and before he knew it his credit card was swiped and he was able to clutch to his bosom a new untouched submissive countercard!!

(Submitted by Baby Shmp )

WOOHOO...the Aussie's are BACKKKKKK...WOOHOO...*kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss*

(Submitted by Dalliance: Nyquilated )

Steve, please pardon me for not being more celebratory at your arrival earlier...it was..er...you know, what with you and Chiquita just breaking up and all...it was a tough time for all of us. But, now that Chiqca has moved on and is off happily pillioning with Terry (the shirtless wonder) somewhere, and what with me being one of the Founding Wal*Tarts, let me just extend my hands to you in a warm Wal*Mart fondle *grope, fondle grope* Holy Apono Bulb!! Is that a hedgehog in your pocket or did you just forget to do the Nads last night?

(Submitted by Prance Nelson )

Oh oh Mrs C, I won't pay the usual fee, oh Mrs C, will you play with me.

(Submitted by Dewek )

Wha Destiny ah said no mowuh of that ayxspensive glue sh*t, yo heyuh? Ah could bah cheapah champagne than that sh*t. Heeyuh, take this heeyuh twenny fahv sayunt glue instayud. Oh honey, don't get all teary, heeyuh, have the $1.47 glue, we'll save ut foh a special day, lahk when yoh break Daddy's heart at yoh fuhst prahm naht.

(Submitted by Hippie Mom )

Palindrone - Richard Boone, Palladin, right? Have Gun, Will Travel? Very Good, he he he.

(Submitted by in lieu of a flesh wound )

gee dal, i'd not considered that connection since you were the first to mention palinthingys, but there's a line from holy grail where the black silly english knigget tells arthur that "none shall pass". it truly was just a lucky guess. actually my friends frequently warn me of the same thing any night we feast on beans and broccoli.

(Submitted by hefty dose of disgust )

i found a site the other day that will translate text into one of several dialects, including redneck, uncle fudd, jive, etc. so i now see that the moronic imposter above who signed on as dewek above not only can't write on his own, he can't intelligently translate either. his pitiful little mind is devoid of original thought and i for one, imposter, find his annoying and childish posts even more pathetic than usual. can't think for himself and derives pleasure by being a pest - what an extreme bummer!

(Submitted by lieu )

imposter, why don't you put on a gerbil suit and walk by richard gere's house? when you go to prison i'll laugh nights thinking about you being some bruno's bitch.

(Submitted by in lieu of yew )

When did Euell Gibbons realize he'd eaten too many parts of pine trees?

(Submitted by ! )

When his hand caught fire.

(Submitted by in lieu of dew )

Why did Terry cross the road?

(Submitted by Dally )

lieuy, THERE you are..Honey, we're over here on the new receipt...been wondering where you were. And to Dewek..two no-nos..WE DO NOT USE OTHER'S NAMES TO POST UNDER and we DEFINITELY DO NOT USE THE CHILD...got it?

(Submitted by Spill Magic )

Damn lieu, you are sharp as a tack!! I was guessing too...but don't know how close I got.

(Submitted by Quijeeboe )

Twas I Weymond, want to make something of it?

(Submitted by rebecca )

i love waxing my fanney hole it makes crave for licking my self out i love waxing my kitchen with my minge i got my toung stud stuck in my minge any ideas on getting it out. I also had a hamster but he fell in there too

(Submitted by Sam )

I don't understand or get it!!!

(Submitted by um... no )

Why the hell am I here!

(Submitted by gab )

u suck

(Submitted by Jinga Cho! )

and all God's children said, and I quote, "Ants? I don't know nuthin' bout no ants."

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

MATT WHERE IS MANAGER SCOTT, OR RYAN?

(Submitted by shelly )

hi, be nice now. This is my first time, i bleed easily.

(Submitted by Nikon )

Ya um ok whats that about?

(Submitted by Someone )

Animal crack and pot soil...this one's too easy