Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by rainy )

*first poster dance!*

(Submitted by rainy )

dally...email me and tell me about yourself!

(Submitted by Hummingbird )

OHHHH thank GOD...*sweating little nectar beads* thank god...he got the stuff...man i wus jonzing Baaaaddddddd!

(Submitted by Hummmmmminnnggggggbird )

*daintily sipping my gatorade now that the withdrawal symptoms have subsided...Scott Freeman is BACK my god...wow i feel great...i mean just great...i got eat like a million flowers...hi everybody...humming..*third and fourth poster dance*

(Submitted by Dalliance )

You mean we all have to go to Wyoming to vote? wow that is far...oh wait, I see we just have to go there to register. Whatya wanna know 'bout me, rainy?

(Submitted by rainy )

just curious as to what to put in our sequel. have you heard from "webmaster D"?

(Submitted by rainy )

hummingbird is crazy. hey i got you little guys hanging around my house trying to tear up my flowers. stay out, you little pretty pest!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Oh, you know, WebMaster D is an enigma...he comes, he goes...one never knows. So, you want a piece of the Derryland, do you? *looking at you curiously, twirling my hair* You got any Snickers, rainy?

(Submitted by rainy )

i never did understand the snickers thing with you! is it kinky or something?

(Submitted by Angry Ferret )

Animal crack?! I just say no! I am afraid it will make me more angry.

(Submitted by Terry )

Hummingbirds...Hmmmm. Them's GOOOOOD eatin'.

(Submitted by Sparky )

I wonder if Scott Freeman is sold for less than Matt Kreig?

(Submitted by in lieu of zoo )

ANIMAL CRACK? Does the SPCA know about you? PETA's gonna be pissed! Didn't you recently buy lotion and wipes too?

(Submitted by mellow yellow )

Is this supposed to read GARANIMAL CRACK? Is it that rear-facing trap door on your color-coordinated jammies? Do they have little bunny footies on them too? Let's hope you don't change the oil in your driveway wearing those. "Hey Ralph, wanna hand me that 5/16th" "Sure Bugs."

(Submitted by big spender )

Sir, do you have anything smaller?

(Submitted by lieu )

What, were they out of Puppy Uppers?

(Submitted by need a WalFix )

Now wait... you bought some crack on the 11th but didn't tell us until the 15th? Is there any left? Way to bogart the dust buster.

(Submitted by iron maiden )

What's with all the Gatorade? Gee, you must work out.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

No, y'all, I think an ANIMAL CRACK is when the St. Bernard plumber wears his pants way too low & bends over while fixing the sink & you see his ANIMAL CRACK. And Terry, keep your hands off the sweet little hummingbirds. Here, have a butterfinger instead.

(Submitted by Registered Voter )

Interviewer: When's the last time you had an election? Chinese guy: Jus' befo' blekfast.

(Submitted by Chiq )

FOUR PERCENT TAX?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I've said it before, and I'll say it again... CALIFORNIANS GET SCREWED!!!!! I'm moving to Wyoming. You guys need many bananas up there in Yellowstone? I can bring a whole bunch.

(Submitted by Terry )

Chic, have you ever BEEN to Why-oming? The animals are on crack, and the Gators have AIDS. Not a pretty site.

(Submitted by gorey bush )

They let people that shop at WalMart vote?

(Submitted by lieu )

I'll bet there's a lot of X's scrawled on that list.

(Submitted by President Satan )

"I did not have sex with that animal crack."

(Submitted by Bill )

That depends on your definition of CRACK.

(Submitted by V.P. Bore )

"Tipper and I have been smoking animal crack since way back in... 1988".

(Submitted by Capital Crime Bill )

"Technically, if the ANIMAL CRACK and I were in the room together then I was never alone with it."

(Submitted by Abi )

aah - but did you inhale, like through the keyhole???

(Submitted by Dalliance )

rainy, the Snickers thing kinky? No, I don't think so, I just like chocolate.

(Submitted by sapphire )

Only 87 cents for ANIMAL CRACK? Who's your connection?

(Submitted by sam walton, crack dealer )

me, obviously.

(Submitted by rainy )

dally, i was just concerned that maybe you and derek had some kind of "special attachment" to snickers bars. maybe as a sexual prop? anyways, were you shocked when you saw derek's picture? i was expecting some dorky, dried-up old 40-something guy who lived with his mother. what a shock to see him young, hot, and totally responsible!!!

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

Ohhhhhhhhhh...ho-oh-ohhhhhhhhh hhhhhhh.......Scott Freeman...........Derek, did you do this just for me? Did you visit Scott just because I asked you? Oh Derek, Derek, you don't know how satisfied you've made me feel. It's been 9 long months. Scott, Scott Freeman, the MAIN MAN. And not only did you visit him, but you bought animal crack. Don't you know what sort of thrill this sends up and down my meagre diseased spine?

(Submitted by A PERSON WHAT IMITATES MATT KRIEG'S #1 FAN VERY POORLY )

Ha! You see! Scott Freeman's receipts can never match the big bold brassy brazenness of Matt Krieg, who is never ashamed to remind his customers (because he is the god of customer service, the light shines from his customer service animal crack) how many items they have bought in large oversized font.

(Submitted by Baby Shmp )

Oh god, lame chick...where ever have you been? I, for one have missed you something fierce. Now, if I can only my Andre will return. O, how I pine for him *pining eloquently but vigor*

(Submitted by Baby Shmp )

"if I can only my Andre will return" wow...as you can see my pining is beginning to interfere with my sentence structure...now, that is some fervid pining..or maybe it is the animal crack.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Terry, O, ye of few teeth and hairy ass, please *going down on bended knee and raising hands in supplication* please, tell us about the thing you wouldn't say on the last receipt. Pretty please with a half-sucked cherry on top.

(Submitted by Freud )

Screw Mushu and the Compubank he rode in on.

(Submitted by in lieu of wrinkles )

okay, "gd" it!!! if'n you eat 19 year olds for blekfast and shat 'em out as 27 year olds, what in the wide wide world of sports is wrong wif turning 40? know what? nuthin!!! rainy, you gots a lot to look forward to because dear daughter, it just keeps getting better and better. remember when somebody first told you it's all a matter of perspective? take it to heart, dear girl, because it's twue. hell no, i'm not advocating being dorky and if'n you live wif your mom you better at least have a Harley at your Beck and call (jeez, i love that guy!! (Odelay absolutely rocks on every tune, as does Mellow Gold). anyhoo, cherish the endorphins of youth but me thinks you'll find the potential wisdom inherent in post-adolesence truly butt-numbing. enjoy.

(Submitted by lieu )

i've never taken a Viagra but if'n i ever did i'd probably take two because i hear whatever doesn't kill us makes us longer.

(Submitted by Adam )

hahaha...first visit here cause of Shift magazine (no such thing as bad publicity), and i know it's probably supposed to say "Animal Crackers," but damn, Animal Crack SURE IS FUNNY!

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

HEY SCOTT CAN U MODEL FOR ME?

(Submitted by Pizza Slut -- Raping Your Date )

Animal crack? Hmmm...sounds yummy.

(Submitted by Carolina )

Animal Crack! How funny! Did you register to vote?

(Submitted by gern blandston )

Well, the cat's gonna be happy.