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12 May 2001
Visitor Comments:
(Submitted by Target )
Well it has been over 1 year and now I finally get
to lay claim to the first post. I don't even know what
to say. WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Submitted by BigGayMonster )
Say say say what you want.
I'm wondering if that RNCH
CRACKER is one of the
CRACKERS I grew up with in
the South...
(Submitted by null )
null
(Submitted by suz )
It's mt first time here.
Pretzels for Mother's Day?
(Submitted by Mike Pikat )
That rolled gold, tasty stuff, had me high as hell!
Made me think i was fifth!
(Submitted by Freud )
Dew 200Z? Is that the new
Nissan sports car?
(Submitted by Chiq )
Looks like Derek's got the
munchies. And I'm predicting
a new receipt with some
DEVELOPING in the near future.
(Submitted by sexygoddess )
Did you only buy ONE ranch
cracker?
(Submitted by Cheech )
Damn man...you can buy Gold
rolled? Dude, that's awesome.
No wonder you never buy
papers...all that time I
spent cleaning my stuff on
that server tray I swiped
from the Holiday Inn, what a
waste...that's awesome
man...I gotta party with you
sometime...do you have cattle
up there man? *cough*
(Submitted by void )
I forgot my line...
(Submitted by Dalliance )
Honey(ies), I'm home! Say,
I'd like to reserve a randy
GAMEBOY ADVANCED please,
like, tout suite. Wonder if I
can have him by Tuesday since
my new libidex apparel should
be arriving by then.
(Submitted by Dally in Bleu )
And, susie, I'd love one of
those hats in brie please. No
slight to Wisconsin cheddar,
but no one does haute couture
like the French. Viva la
flaps!!
(Submitted by putting on my drinking cap )
It's time for a Raunch
Cracker, woodn't you say,
pardner?
(Submitted by Jenny Poo )
If you stuck to the ROOT
BEER, and gave up the DEW,
every week, over the time
span of a year, you'd save
$1.04!!! That's a whole extra
bottle!!! Think of all the
good you could do with the
extra $.09 every year. Why,
you could...make change for a
dime. If you had a penny.
(Submitted by :^ )
Dekek's a thinkin' plannin' kind of a guy. Rolled Gold +
snacks for the inevitable munchies. And drinks for the
cottonmouth. Gonna get stoned for Mother's day? Miss
the wife, huh? Go ahead, toke away. It's medicinal in a
psych sorta way.
(Submitted by Confugulated Gal )
Mercy me, a 20 oz. Dew
followed by a Root Beer?
Someone's going to have to go
potty soon.......
(Submitted by Concerned Confugulated Gal )
...and all the salt in those
crackers and pretzels?
Someone's going to be
bloated.......
(Submitted by Pee Wee )
TAKE A PICTURE IT'LL LAST
LONGER. HA HA!
(Submitted by Pee Wee )
TAKE A PICTURE IT'LL LAST
LONGER. HA HA!
(Submitted by Pee Wee )
I liked it so much I said it
twice.
(Submitted by HAGGIS )
Do you tards come here often?
Hey Cousin Child, I enjoy
Root Beer and Crackers too.
See you in hell Super
Freaks...
(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )
I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING
THE DEW IN 2002, WITH DEREK
AND MATT! KEEP ON STYLING
CUTIES!
(PS. I LUV NISSANS, FREUD,
ESPECIALLY THE NISSAN Z, I
SAW IT AT THE AUTO SHOW, A
MONTH AGO.)
(Submitted by Dally Freak )
I'm a Super Freak, Super
Freak..
(Submitted by GameGirl )
Only a "copy" of GameBoy? I
was hoping for an original.
(Submitted by :^ )
The copies come from China. Cheaper than the
Japanese versions. Wal*Mart shops there a lot
these days.
(Submitted by atm )
use me!
(Submitted by Shannen )
"How to be a Party Animal for
Under $11.00" - by Derek
Dahlsad. Available at your
local WAL*MART now.
(Submitted by Not Shannen )
"How to be a Panty Animal for
Under Wear" - by Derek
Dahlsad. Available at your
local WAL*TART now.
(Submitted by atm )
dammit, there are more
fingerprints in his nose than
on me. when am i going to be
famous?
(Submitted by Terry )
Ranch Cracker? Where is ol'
lieu anyway?
(Submitted by in lieu of reed )
shakin' the dew off my 20 oz.
lily. btw - contrary to
published reports, i'm
neither a close personal
friend of madeline albright
nor deceased. i do, however,
have a cat named "bob".
(Submitted by ijustwanttopostsomethin )
I am so excited to find this site! I've always wanted
to see Derek's receipts and now I can!! I'm happy
to be amongst friends who feel the same. I love
you all!
(Submitted by Hefty Pickens )
Me thinks the saying "The
truth, as I see it..." is a
strange one to make. I mean,
the truth, as a tall man sees
it, may be that a certain
woman is quite fetching and
lovely while to a midget with
a different perspective the
same woman has a passel of
boogers hanging out her
nose. Sometimes our view is
accurate and sometimes it's
snot.
(Submitted by crapper )
oh great. here we go again...
(Submitted by Mellow Yellow )
If I have to have monkeys fly
out my butt, can they at
least be the kind with the
technicolor asses?
(Submitted by take the weng wei or the rold gold highway )
careful with the chinese
gameboy wannabes. they
appear to crash a lot.
(Submitted by :^ )
You're telling me! I saw two piled up on the
highway on my way to work today!
(Submitted by crapper )
something else comes in piles?
(Submitted by Concerned Citizen )
Are Chinese Piles contagious?
(Submitted by Dr. Poop )
Only the airborne variety
(which doesn't last very
long).
(Submitted by Chinnychin Chin )
You American men has such
bery large penises.
(Submitted by Dad )
Y'know, Father's Day is right
around the corner...I hope
you're gonna spend more than
11 bucks on MY party, you
cheap (censored)...
(Submitted by ;^ )
You're Derek's Dad? Grab a Dew and some
Cinnamon Almonds. Siddown. Let's talk about
how your son developed this walmart fetish..
(Submitted by Dad )
Cinnamon Almonds my ass...too
rough on the old system. But
I'm open to share some POT
SOIL with ya...'ere' *cough*
(Submitted by ijustwannapostsomethin )
Derek needs to go to wal-mart again, this receipt is
getting old!
(Submitted by ijustwannapostsomethin )
Derek needs to go to wal-mart again, this receipt is
getting old!
(Submitted by Antimony )
this reciept was posted
yesterday. it was the first
receipt in a week. be
thankful for what you get.
derek could just stop posting
receipts all together...but
that would be horrible!
(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )
Hey Suzi, is the toaster
flying yet? Can't see for
all the cheese nips...
(Submitted by Dalliance - a long story I love )
BB, you crazy nut!!! How did you know about the
picnic??? !!?? Are you like Dion Warwick or
something? Nice accent, by the way. As it was, I
had to go down yonder to Georgia to get my
bubba married. The ceremony was out in the
woods - it was great - it thundered mightly
during the ceremony and then commenced
to down-pouring as the outdoor buffet was served,
so we all sat outside eating cake under umbrellas,
it was actually quite wonderful (I saved the
wedding cake after the hail commenced by using
my Xena like strenght and deep love of cake. And,
then, and then, after we had all line danced
(the boot scoot 'n boogie was enjoyed by all -
and the band played "Rainy Night in Georgia", it
became dark and citron (to keep the
skeeters away) candles were lit in glass
mason jars hung in all the trees, then, instead of
throwing rice we lit sparklers when the beautiful
couple (and they were gorgeous to behold) left to
go on the Honeymoon. It was lovely..imagine
bunches of children running all thru the dark
woods with sparklers dancing. It was magic and all
that my beloved brother deserved. It was magic.
Course, when we got home we all had to pick the
ticks off each other but. ya know, it was sweet and
brought back so many memories.
(Submitted by used to think xena threw a shamrock )
Once, Lucy Xena was on the front of a magazine
and her breasts were all like hangin out, and a
friend of mine thought they looked like half-gallons
of ice cream that were being squeezed out of their
containers. I laughed so hard I fell into the cake
and we had to use magic to get me unstuck. May
not seem funny to you, maybe you just had to be
there. But the point is I sure hope your's don't look
like that, Dalliance. It'd be a damn shame.
(Submitted by Shamrock )
Remember the time when Xena rode the zebra into a
store on Rodeo drive? No wait it was a pony. And it
wasn't her. But it was in Michigan. And the sparklers
were all sparkling, like, and they were sticking out of the
plant saucers. The 110 camera was broken so we
couldn't get a pic of Geraldo in the Volare` but that was
the best looking fuzzy buny in the Dilworth McDonalds,
wasn't it? And someone get Dalliance outta the ice
cream for goodness sake.
(Submitted by pickle fanatic, coming into conversation in progress )
How much is that Dil worth?
(Submitted by okay, okay )
and why the fuck aint it in the window
(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )
Has anyone noticed that all
the things Derek bought today
sound like the titles of XXX
movies?
(Submitted by Rooting Beer an a fuzzy buny(sic) )
No, mine look more like two
single scoops of vanilla with
a cherry on top -
unfortunately no pints here
*looking down sadly* Say, I
could really go for a Root
Beer Float...Root Beer sounds
kinda suggestive..I like
that. Fanny, you raise a good
point.
(Submitted by Abi )
I'd just like to congratulate
Target on first post...most
admirable after a whole
year! I think this calls for a
special prize - Hey Chiq,
what've you got in the
toaster box babe?
(Submitted by raisin bran )
good girl, dal. two scoops
should come wif every box.
(Submitted by Lumpy Rutherfart )
Would it kill you to take
better care of the receipts
on the way home...jeez, I've
got used toilet paper that's
better looking...
(Submitted by lieu )
now wouldn't that make a nice
web page?
(Submitted by Chiquita )
*ROOTing thru toaster box*
Ok, Target, you can pick from
the following prizes: FISH
FOOD, PANTYHOSE or this fine
BOOT.
(Submitted by Chiq )
Hey, I just developed some
sort of magic power.
Everyone's names just turned
blue when I submitted my last
post!
(Submitted by Mr C. Leeveg )
Receipts are boring!!! Try
this website: www.hotornot.com
(Submitted by classorass )
have you no shame?
(Submitted by Dick Gazinia )
What the... Hey, my testicles
just turned blue. Chiq?
(Submitted by :6 )
Chiq: lemme go! I can't breathe! <barely
gasping>
(Submitted by Abi )
Just testing to see if I turn
blue.....
(Submitted by clinton's johnson )
can't tell. i was already
blew.
(Submitted by monica's biographer )
she wore blewww... velvetttt
(Submitted by Chiq )
Everything's back to normal
now. No more blue...
everybody's red again. Sorry
for the commotion.
(Submitted by Dick )
Oh great. Yet another "Sorry
for the commotion" to
accompany a pare of blue
balls.
(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )
THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
WHILE YOUR FRIENDS/FAMILY
TAKE
THEIR OWN SWEET TIME
1. Get boxes of condoms &
randomly put them in peoples'
carts when
they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks
to go off at 10-minute
intervals.
3. Make a trail of orange
juice on the floor to the
rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and
tell him/her in an official
tone, "I
think we have a code 3 in
housewares," and see what
happens.
5. Put some M&M's on lay
away.
6. Move CAUTION WET FLOOR
signs to carpet areas.
7. Set up a tent in the
camping department, tell
others you'll only
invite them in if they bring
pillows from the bedding
department.
8. When someone asks if they
can help you, begin to cry
and
ask, "Why won't you people
leave me alone."
9. Look right into the
security camera and use it as
a mirror while
you pick your nose.
10. Dart around suspiciously
while humming the theme
from 'Mission
Impossible.'
11. While handling guns in
the hunting department ask
the clerk if he
knows where the
antidepressants are.
12. In the auto department
practice your Madonna look
using different
size funnels.
13. Hide in the clothing rack
and when people browse
through
whisper "PICK ME! PICK
ME!!!!!"
14. When an announcement
comes over the loud speaker
assume the fetal
position and scream "NO! NO!
It's those voices again!"
15. Go to the fitting room
and yell real loud....."Hey
we're out of
toilet paper in here!"
(Submitted by Chiq )
NYCFG, no doubt your best
work yet. And I'm ashamed to
admit I've actually done #1.
Some of the reactions are
priceless, especially if they
don't notice until the
cashier rings it up! Try
'splaining that to the wife.
(Submitted by :^ )
A guy walks into a 7-11 store and selects four items
to buy. The clerk at the counter informs the
gentleman that the total cost of the four items is
$7.11. He was completely surprised that the cost
was the same as the name of the store. The clerk
informed the man that he simply multiplied the
cost of each item and arrived at the total. The
customer calmly informed the clerk that the items
should be added and not multiplied. The clerk
then added the items together and informed the
customer that the total was still exactly $7.11.
What are the exact costs of each item?
(Submitted by Goober )
I went to a 7-11 once to get
a condom. I only had a dollar
bill, which worked out
great, 'cos that's how much
they cost. Exactly. So the
Camel Jockey rang it up, and
said it would be $1.06, the
$.06 was for tax, he said. I
told him I didn't want no
tacks, I wanted the kind that
stayed on all by themselves.
(Submitted by Prof. Numbnutz )
That's easy... (7.11 * 1/2
33.33% + cos(t) .5(price of
eggs) * sin (times) / tax
rate (republican
administration) - mean
(person) ----> tan (.4 a
blonde) * less (more) /
factor (care)
+ .469469469/greenspan's belt
size.
(Submitted by Brain Freeze )
I'm arriving now.
(Submitted by Math Girl )
oh.......talk dirty to me
again, Professor......ahhhhh
(Submitted by it's the devil )
Math is like smelly-assed people. I don't think i
have to say why.
(Submitted by Emil )
*pant pant* only 103%
today ... I think I'll have
to pack this in *groan* give
someone else a go ...
(Submitted by BalmainBoy )
I'm like Henry Ford - I can
do any american accent, as
long as it's Joyzy.
(Submitted by susie )
G'day?
(Submitted by Mr Milky )
A great game to play when you go shopping is to
pick out a packet of condoms (extra large, double
size, etc packs are the best), deface the barcode so
it can't be read by the machine, walk about the
store looking for a suitable victim - a little old lady
or a young lady who looks slightly prim and proper
- and place it in there trolly when they aren't
looking. The hang around the checkouts and wait
for the cashier to ring the bell and shout "How
much are these "extra large, double size, etc"
condoms ?" Oh what fun !
(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )
I can hardly wait to
watch "Rnch Cracker"
tonight. I can use those
extra large double size
condoms someone slipped in my
cart!
(Submitted by Mr C. Leeveg )
Get a life you saddo's.
Abandon hope all who enter
here........
Ta-ra Chucks
(Submitted by Coach )
The four prices are: 1.20,
1.25, 1.50, 3.16.
As we see 1.20 + 1.25 + 1.50
+ 3.16 = 7.11 = 1.20 * 1.25 *
1.50 * 3.16. Still, not as
much fun as seeing how many
times 38 can go into 19
though...
(Submitted by Abi )
How many times would that
be? Or is that just wishful
thinking.....!
(Submitted by Weedeater )
*THWACK*
(Submitted by concerned penis )
izat "go into" or "come into"?
(Submitted by Beavereater )
*DAM*
(Submitted by John )
I thought I was 3.16.
(Submitted by Mr. C. Leemeal )
Daisy, Daisy...
(Submitted by :^ )
Way to go Coach. Help your self to a root beer on
Derek. Also, I'm over 38. Can I still go into 19?
(Submitted by Coach )
OVER 38 INCHES??? I bow to
the master...from a
distance...
(Submitted by the square root of 38 )
man, i'd pass out from
redirected blood flow every
time the hooters girl brought
me more hiney.
(Submitted by dial me up, scotty )
does walmart
carry "highbeams"? don't you
wish everybody did?
(Submitted by :^ )
I have this feeling that Derek's at Walmart at this
very moment. 05/16/10 4:13 PM his time. I don't
know why but I just have a feeling. Maybe it's the
chili cheese fries I had for lunch, though...
(Submitted by :^ )
I meant 01 not 10...
(Submitted by Antimony )
38 goes into 19 one half of a
time. my ouija
board/calculator told me so.
(Submitted by Pessoptimist )
So is she half full, or half
empty?
(Submitted by Antimony )
you know, I've always thought
that the right answer to the
question, "Is the glass half
empty or half full?"
was "Wait a minute. This
isn't my glass. My glass was
bigger, and it had beer in
it. What is this stuff,
coke? Where's my damn
glass?"
I guess it all depends on you
point of view.
(Submitted by :^ )
Some would just say the glass is the wrong size
(Submitted by drink up! )
Who puts beer in a glass? kinda defies the concept.
(Submitted by Cakes )
Hey Cheech - I just had a
quite moment, and for no
real reason other than
boredom, cleared out my
handbag of receipts, and
last weekend, I bought
BAKING POT for £1.49 - not
a bad price huh!?
(Submitted by Cakes )
That should read 'quiet
moment'....
(Submitted by Cheech )
How do you make that little
squiggly line, man. That's
bitchin'...
(Submitted by lieu )
just pound it out, cheech.
hey, can i speak to dave
please?
(Submitted by hefty pickens )
i concur, antimony. btw,
you've not, perchance, seen a
tippycup full of heineken,
has ye?
(Submitted by very large booger )
i feel pretty, oh so pretty...
(Submitted by ¶ç™½§¥œß¤þ )
this is so confusing..
(Submitted by sven golly )
try understanding the success
of the baldwin brothers
sometime.
(Submitted by Prof. Numbnutz )
Prediction: Brady Anderson
will soon exit Walmart
wearing a dress. You heard
it here 1st.
(Submitted by Abi )
Who's Brady Anderson....
(Submitted by Prof. )
Orioles' outfielder
(literally). Appears he's
having his closet redone.
(Submitted by cats )
you have no chance to
survive, make your time.
(Submitted by Antimony )
I think someone stole my
glass.
(Submitted by susie )
Don't worry about it
Antimony, here have a large
glass of Burgundy *struggling
with the corkscrew* POP
*schlock-schlock-schlock-
schlock*
(Submitted by Antimony )
I think everyone is going to
get drunk very soon. let's
have a kegger
(Submitted by Dally )
mmmm...would you say that keg
is half full or half empty?
Either way, I wanna a full
one. Say susie *peering over
my shoulder* I really dig
that schlock schlock schlock
thing you got going on over
there. Ow 'bout schlocking
some over this way? Or should
I just use my Wal*Mart super-
duper, humdinger straw?
(Submitted by you don't know i'm talking to you )
just go to a damn girl, slut girl
(Submitted by Tygerlily )
Oh dear, looks like someone's
not pleased. But, hey, at
least you still have your
class and dignity, right?
(Submitted by ooga )
exactly bad thrower
(Submitted by you cannot ban me )
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back im back im back
(Submitted by BalmainBoy )
Gosh Abi! I wish our deputy
Prime Minister had the
gumption to punch the lights
out of a few of his
detractors - and there are so
many!
(Submitted by Abi )
Brilliant wasn't it!! The most
exciting thing to happen in
politics for ages!! Just to
keep it receipt related, here
have a CNM ALMOND!
(Submitted by BigGayMonster )
Anyone seen any banned
posters lately? Are they
back?
(Submitted by BirthdayGirl )
I am utterly amazed that this
page exist...and excited...I
have a friend that works at
wal-mart...I think she must
be destined to meet this
man...baby or no baby...I
thought that I was appalled
that people could find such a
useless and unproductive way
to spend thier time...but I
just read all of the May 12
comments and enjoyed
it...freaks!
(Submitted by Antimony )
We aren't freaks! I am
insulted by your
implications. We're just
drunk, that's all. The keg
was full, but it's about half
empty now--or is that half
full? anyway, *schlock
schlock schlock* help
yourselves
(Submitted by Dalliance )
Abi, Abi, fill us in on the
UK's political exploits! This
sounds too rich! Share!
Share!
(Submitted by Dal )
Ah, nevermind Cakes, I did a
search and read about
Prescott...wots up with all
this ova throwing, anyway?
First Prescott, then Clinton
gets egged. Hey, I think it's
cool Prescott threw the
punch..it's more honest than
here, where the Secret
Service would just beat the
hell outta the guy instead.
Huzzah, I say! Go John! Don't
take no yolkin'!!!!!
(Submitted by Antimony )
i didn't understand much of
that, but it sounds like
Prescott, (who is he? must be
a politician of some
description) punched some
guy. I can't imagine Duh-bya
(he's a stupidass anyway)
fighting with someone. that
would be most amusing though
(Submitted by JACKIE )
What in the world are you
guys doing??? Whats this all
about?
(Submitted by elsie )
i thought i told you already.
(Submitted by alfie )
no, that was me.
(Submitted by PSUEDO HONEY )
DO YOU HAVE A LIFE?
DO ANY OF YOU HAVE LIVES?
SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE
BEFORE MY BRAIN ATROPHIES!!!!
HELP< I CAN FEEL IT STARTING
ALREADY
GET YOUR LOBOTOMY FROM
WALMART...$16.95..... AISLE
6...
(Submitted by holy shit, pseudo brain )
get her away! oooh, she
burns! she burns!
(Submitted by Abby )
Havinng a strip party Darek?
(Submitted by Dave )
Root beer, Derek? Did I read
those words correctly? Nasty.
Hey you should read that
funny list someone posted up
there. It's a good one.
(Submitted by HEATHER )
DUDE YOURE PRETTY FUCKED UP
TO MADE COPIES OF YOUR
RECEIPTS. DO YOU HAVE A
LIFE? GO JACK OFF OR
SOMETHING. YOU LOOK LIKE A
COMPLETE DUMBASS.
(Submitted by Geraldo Rivera )
THIS SITE IS FUCKING QUEER!
Congratulations on wasting my
time. Funny how I typed in
Geraldo in Tora Bora and I
got this waste of memory.
Well, BURN.
(Submitted by Geraldo again )
Yeah, Geraldo again... just
wanna tell you fucks about
this interesting new concept,
its called a chatline.
BURN
(Submitted by RadioGoddess )
Ok...ty for leaving your
credit card number
there...but your tax is only
6.5%. You lucky thing.
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