Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by Aponolite )

YESSS...*first poster Goddess dance*

(Submitted by Freud )

2nd Place! and as usual screw Mushu and the Compubank he rode in on.

(Submitted by Lars 1 )

How many DRE's does it take to screw in an Aponolite?

(Submitted by FalseAct )

I'm actually ashamed of myself for being here when he posted this one. fourth place it is

(Submitted by Terry )

O.K., I get the POSTER FRAME (that's when one of us is made to look like we killed somebody, right?)...WTF is all the rest of this junque?

(Submitted by Aponolite )

OMG, you have out done yourself, Omnipotent One...a PWRUPPHOENIX!! Dear Heavens, what have you in store? A lot of blasting, attacking, prwcrashing, and stinging going on...This Goddess fears we have provoked your firey wrath! You aren't going to blow up Mount Dew are you, Most Mighty One? Oh, but wait, I see you are sending us two boys named Lars to serve us...and a Poster Frame? Which of these posters *hand scanning the throng in Vanna White vowel display manner* would His Most Powerful One wish framed?

(Submitted by Aponolite (rhymes with Aphrodite) )

*swat* watch your mouth Lars 1, unless you wish to be turned into a newt.

(Submitted by Dally )

Gosh, Der, I sure hope you registered to vote cause Big Ben is tick-tocking like a well oiled phallic symbol. Least that is what Chiquita said.

(Submitted by Aponolite - G2 )

Wow, Terry, that loin cloth looks really fetching on you. Now, once we get you that spanky palm frond you'll be all set. Here, hold my globe a second while I adjust this short, flimsy tunic. *turning about* Does it cover my bottom? Got to be prepared should the evil DRE-J ATTACK.

(Submitted by Zenith - G3 )

Dang! How many new singles does Dr. Dre have to come out with at one time. Derek, I never realized you were into rap. I noticed you were not declined today... probably becaue the cashier was afraid of your gansta-rap connections.

(Submitted by nightowl )

This receipt seems to have a disturbing theme of violence going on. Stingers, blasting, attack, even a powercrush-exo. I hope this doesn't have anything to do with professional wrestling.

(Submitted by Little Moth )

This is getting bizarre,mine did the same thing. However I didn't have to buy one.

(Submitted by in lieu of lars 2 )

Derek - goood. Napster - baaaad. Metallica - billionaires without a pause. Sorry but I gave at the office, church, school, toll booth, last April 15...

(Submitted by in lieu of boom )

crackle... this is mission control...Space Shuttle Phoenix...prepare to PWRUPPHOENIX....................this is phoenix...you wanna kiss my ever loving o-ring???

(Submitted by in lieu of xtc )

approval #17770? damn, mine rolled over and said "no" again...

(Submitted by Spatula G1 )

sorry I'm late - I was out gathering 'stuff' for the ceremony - looks like I'm running way late - thank god Der brought the Phoenix - I just couldn't get one at the local store, and you know how important it is for the final ritual - just gotta got buff up some pans - back later.....*running out elegantly holding up ceremonial, flimsey robes*

(Submitted by Aponolite - G2 )

Spatula, sister dear, don't go exerting yourself..let one of the Larses to that buffing stuff...you gather your robes?..wow, I've got the microcass style tunic (does my butt look big in this? *turning about* Now tell me the truth.)Zenith, did you give lieu his loin cloth and palm frond yet?

(Submitted by lieu )

if you're gonna put a palm near me, it'll take a lot more than a loin cloth to cover this girthy ankle up. isn't it funny that the command "up periscope" is frequently followed by "dive, dive!"?

(Submitted by fuji moment )

poster frame? are you putting the pictures we send you on your mantle?

(Submitted by Zenith G3 )

Here lieu, I got you some of those leather sandals that wrap all around the foot & ankle... seemed like they went well with the loin cloth. Now remember, don't wrap them too tightly around the girth of the ankle... we wouldn't want to cut off circulation. It was either these sandals or a boot, you take your pick.

(Submitted by Aponolite G2 )

Zenie, excellent choice on the sandals *picturing Charleton Hestonesque Lars and lieu and Terry and Andre - Oh Andre, if he ever shows up again, and oh he so loves to play dress up..me hopes it is only the scantily clad and spandex enfolded Olympian bodies that have pulled him away)

(Submitted by Terry )

Dal, just received the package, but try as I may, I can't get these sandals laced...can I just wear my work boots (with tool belt, of course) and adopt the pseudolife of Workules, God of the Sweaty Tattoed Back?

(Submitted by A - G2 )

Terry, yes, I think that sounds divine, work boots, loin cloth and tool-belt (whatdayathink girls?) Now, the big question - will you give me piggy back rides on your big muscular Sweaty Tattoed Back? I'll show you my pwrupphoenix, if you show me your DRE-J Stingr!!

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

O goody, our very own toga movie.. now Aponolite, stand over there, and make with lighting the Olympic torch from the suns rays ... good ... a bit more incomprehensible ancient Greek with a tragic visage ... excellent... now Zenith, you make with the Drej Attack, and confuse all those warriors from Equatorial Guinea ... lovely, lovely ... oh, Spatula, you still here? I'm afraid all the script has for you is to come 8th in all the heats .. never mind, you Brits are used to that .. tell you what, sweetie, I think Princess Anne is still here somewhere, she will cheer you up. Now, all together everyone!

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

Lars! Oh Derek, you found Lars! You are certainly stirring the subterranean stirrings of this bruised, battered, and hunky cybercloned stormtrooper cock abused piece of maggot infested poultry! Owen Lars, I thought he had been torched to cosmic dust, but no, you have found him, thank the force. Now...you wouldn't happen to know where HIS crippled chook has got to, would you? I'm being pursued by a very hyperactive biker who has got it into his head that I put out for any old tattooined muscle-thighed gap toothed road warrior.

(Submitted by Spatula )

oh BalmainBoy - I'll try not to be too hurt about being left out, but to relegate me to chewing the fat with Princess Anne, that was way too below the tool belt! I'm going to sulk with the extras......*stomping off in a flurry of muslin*...

(Submitted by Steve )

Damn this time-lag lark, I just haven't got the hang of this 'comment-conversation" yet have I ? I'll keep trying, just be gentle !Dal - "2up/2down and 2.4 screamers dying the day you retire" refers to the hum-drum existence that generally follows marriage; living in an average house (2up/2down), with the average number of children (2.4), waiting until you are 65 so you can retire and do all the things that you haven't been able to do as you're too busy earning a living to support the wife and kids, then just as you think that you have made it, you die ! Does that make me a pessimist or am I just a depressed ?

(Submitted by Abi )

Hi Steve - I'm here!

(Submitted by Spatula )

Aponolite/Zenith (love the handles, BTW) - I forgot to mention the menswear - sandles I love, definite yes, but if Workules is just too girthy to fit into his, then the workboots are fine - the tool belt is de rigeur, lieu - how're you getting on with draping that frond? Need any help babes? anyone seen the Larses???

(Submitted by Aponolite )

Ouch, Balmain Boy...dear fellow, please I beg you not to provoke the ire of Spatula, Goddess 1, for she is mighty and I'd hate to see you pillioning on the Olympic torch. Steve, oh, sweet Steve, thank you for the explanation. The answer is thus: you must forget your sombre life of reality and come with us *wiggling finger in seductive coaxing motion* into the bacchanalian world of Wal*Tartantas. What you need, is a tool-belt, a loin cloth, sandles/work boots (your choice) and a palm frond. Come, come...*hypnotic, voice*

(Submitted by Greeter )

Matt Krieg wears a toga.

(Submitted by Steve )

Hi Abi, I'm back ! Did you miss me ! I'm coming, I'm coming, Oh Aponolite ! I have the loin cloth, the tool-belt (with special pouch for "hero spray"), and all-terrain sandles ! I'm coming, I'm coming ! Oh ! Er, tissue anyone ! PS whats a Palm frond - is it like a friend but with the "eyes" removing leaving just the "holes" ?! ;-)

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Steve, I would have been happy to explain what a palm frond it. But since you spook so easily, I think it's probably better if you don't know.

(Submitted by Zenith G3 )

Hey, is there something else I can wear if I'm allergic to these robes? *ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh CHOOOO* Maybe something in silk??

(Submitted by Steve )

Chiquita it's not that spook easily, it's just that you implied the 'M' word and I'm not talking about that Scottish play ! Promise me that you won't mention or imply the 'M' word, and I won't mention the 'B' word !. Looks like Abi's warning came true !

(Submitted by Spatula )

Aponolite, sister Goddess, I am feeling very benevolent towards B-Boy, it's being surrounded by sandals, loins cloths and work boots - goddess-heaven! Someone bring out the oils!! Lars 1 @ 2 - where are the body lotions....*clapping hands impatiently* Zenith - silk would be lovely - what about a light shade of banana? Would anyone like me to palm their frond??

(Submitted by Terry )

Derek, I think we're gonna need some more toys...

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Stevens, I simply can't understand how you thought I was implying the "M" word. I never even alluded to Mercury, the lesser-known Goddess of Thermometers.

(Submitted by Steve, Stevie, Steve-o, maybe even Ste, but under no circumstance call me Steven ! )

And her fellow heavenly pal 'B' - the not-so-well-known God of Yellow, Curly Fruit, Bitesize !

(Submitted by Terry (rhymes with Merry) )

Would you two guys just take a f*ckin' steam...I highly recommend it...Trust me, it's done wonders...Derek, how 'bout some soap to go with those toys.

(Submitted by Spatula )

Terry/Workules - you just can't stop a Goddess when she's got her eye on a mortal - surely you must know that - hasn't that naughty Aponolite been riding your tattooed back, hmmm....!? Perhaps Steve's just needing a quick PWRCRSH with Zenith, that normally does the trick.

(Submitted by Spatula )

hey - has anyone seen the Tribal Old-Fart today? He's been very quiet.....

(Submitted by Chiqca )

STEVEN STEVEN STEVEN STEVEN STEVEN STEVEN STEVEN STEVEN STEVEN Hey, don't slip on that banana peel, Steven *nonchalantly dropping peel on the ground*

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Terry, what's a steam? Does it have anything to do with a DRE-J-BLASTI?

(Submitted by Zenith G3 )

Ahhhh, ahhhh, ahhhh CHOOOO!!! *ripping ceremonial robes off dramatically* Lars, fetch me some silk, you silly boy! Then I'll show you what to do with this palm frond.

(Submitted by tribal old fart )

sorry, this lemming had to pull out (geez, i hate that term) his classical greek and latin cliff notes just to make scents of all these young fart pertubations. i still feel a bit like alecia silverstone but am beginning to catch your drifts. might i inquire as to whether or not icarius has a place in this conversation? i too feel like a little mothra that got too close to the brilliance and ignominously plunged back to the sea.

(Submitted by in lieu of shoe )

oh, and if the sandle fits... share it!

(Submitted by in lieu of taylor )

Charlton Hestonesque sandals... hmmm... wood that be from HasBeenHur or from Planet of the (get your stinking paws off me you dirty)Apes?

(Submitted by cornelius )

okay, so i approach from behind on my knees. damnit, my real name is rodger!

(Submitted by The Law Giver )

Miranda rights? We don't need no stinkin' Carmen Miranda rights!

(Submitted by mellow yellow bananna peel )

chiq, do you try and make sure everyone exercises their carmen miranda rights?

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Well I don't know about Rights, but I sure as heck advocate Carmen Miranda Nights. Power me up, Phoenix!

(Submitted by juan valdez )

woohoo! won't find any mushy nanners there.

(Submitted by Juanita Valdez )

I can attest to that!

(Submitted by juana pop quiz? )

attest? you mean like an oral exam?

(Submitted by Mae West )

Hey big boy! Is that a PWRUPPHOENIX in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

(Submitted by big bird )

oh mother, mae i?

(Submitted by rising from ashes )

what exactly is a "fine- feathered friend"?

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

All hail Aponolite Brown her sandals, white her knickers O great goddess strong and mighty but still without her Snickers

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

All hail eighth-placed Spatula... wide of toolbelt, strong of opinion... synchronised palm-fronds her formula... The Princess Royal her constant companion

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

All hail the pinnacle of gods - Zenith! The Queen of the heavens, mighty in zeal, but Terry-less, she has a crisis of faith and slips to Earth on a yellow peel.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Steve and Chiqca sittin' in a tree..K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes milkshake, then bad manners, here comes Chiqca with some baby nanners!! *clapping my hands and jumping on Terry's back*

(Submitted by Aponolite )

But, BalmainBoy, I fear I've no knickers either..WooHooo!!!!...but that was a lovely poem *kissing your cheek*

(Submitted by Terry )

Damn...one of these days I'm gonna turn around in time.

(Submitted by Aponolite )

Workules, always thinking ahead!! Toys, yes we need toys..but, hey, we still have that sketch pad from the last trip. How about you let me...umm...sketch ya nekkid? Steve, lovey!! so nice to see you're as randy as the rest of us!! Let's be fronds, how about it? Lieu, I'm afraid you just don't strike me as the "Old F*rt" (sorry I just can't say that work) type. No, no, no, you are definitely a man of the loin- cloth not the doggy skirt. We don't mind if you lick yourself..really, we, Goddessi LOVEEEE it!!! Yes, licking is highly under- rated.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

And one of these days I'm gonna learn to hop slower.

(Submitted by happysacks )

so where did all these palm fronds come from now? Have i missed somthing?

(Submitted by rainy )

so derek got approved this time. probably only because he bought something worthwhile. mmm...drej-attack!

(Submitted by Derek )

Testing. Testing

(Submitted by Steve(N) - turning slightly green and bigger, but at the same time still managing to keep his natural cool in the face of adversity ! )

Chiquita or is it just plain Chiqca ? Sounds more like ChickenTikka to me ! Ha ha ha ! Dalliance please don't give me nightmares ! Me and ChickenTikka sitting in a tree exchanging oral fluids ! Uuuugh ! Dalliance - a derivation of the word "dally" from the verb "to play" meaning to play, caress, fondle, fool, tease ! YES PLEASE !

(Submitted by Spatula )

BalmainBoy - WHAT! - wide of tool-belt! Nooo, I knew I should have asked does my butt look big in this.....hell, I was aiming for the willowy, goddess-look, floating around in muslin, looking gorgeous - NOW, apparently, I look like a micro cass wearing a cast off saddle!! Sorry lieu, I didn't mean to call you an old-f*art, here have a golden loin cloth, strap on those sandals and glow baby!!

(Submitted by Abi )

Oh Chiq - can I have one of your baby nanners please???? I promise I'll look after it properly.

(Submitted by Copy Cat )

Nor flood, nor fire, nor storm, nor rain, would prevent me from my endeavour ! No hardship is too great, no pain too much that I would be willing to risk my humble, worthless existence to provide sustenance for the girl of my dreams. GIFT WRAP 1.39 ISB WHT ROLLS 0.72 SPARK RED WINE 8.99 SUSHI 3.99 SALMON PATE 1.09 MUSHROOM PATE 0.89 TOTAL 17.07 CASH 20.00 CHANGE DUE 2.93 Without someone to love, I do not exist !

(Submitted by Spatula )

Ooh Steve - that's not a very nice thing to say about Chiquita - I'll have you know she's the epitome of lovely, wonderfulness - you don't know what you've missed!

(Submitted by Steve )

To err is human, to forgive divine, but to give as good as you get is sheer bliss ! On the subject of "handles" what does yours mean ! Spatula, Goddess of Kitchen ware and other Household Goods ! Get back to the sink woman, there's cleaning to be done !!

(Submitted by Spatula )

you don't really think I DO cleaning do you - what do you think the ChoreBoy's for???

(Submitted by Tick Boy )

You know why womens feet are smaller than mens, don't you? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

(Submitted by Pillion Pal )

OK then - if we're going down that route - here's one for you - Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time....

(Submitted by concerned canadian )

so this is what people do with their home computors

(Submitted by Tick Boy )

Why do women wear white at their wedding? So the dishwasher will match the stove and the fridge.

(Submitted by in lieu of punctuation )

uhhh, Derek, sorry but you missed your period.

(Submitted by in lieu of convention )

well, concerned, that and use spell-checker.

(Submitted by little johnny )

C-eh-n-eh-d-eh

(Submitted by johnny )

does squatter's rights mean that you got to the toilet first?

(Submitted by Steve )

Spatula, if you don't do the cleaning/washing etc, how do you keep your hands so soft then ? Concerned Canadian, who says anything about computErs at 'home', it gives us something to do during our coffee (or banana - for some I believe) breaks at the office ! Besides, you don't think any of us would actually do this if we had to pay whilst we are surfing would you !

(Submitted by hang eleven )

can't surf w/o a bored.

(Submitted by Spatula )

Steve - a goddess can't just give away her beauty secrets willy-nilly, suffice to say regular massage does come into it - it's the exercise.....

(Submitted by gorey details )

There are some things I just don't desire, Like "Firestone" on the side of my tire. But what I really abhor, After listening to al gore - the thought of another four years with a liar.

(Submitted by Steve )

Goddess of all things heavenly and wonderous, I throw myself at your feet and beg your forgiveness, I am not worthy of your wise words !

(Submitted by walfix )

Where did LARS 2 come from? Was he downloaded from Napster? Lars 1 looks like he could use a little nap more than anyone I've seen since Sam Perkins.

(Submitted by Andre )

I do, I really do, love the potential for felicitous conjunction of the names Misty Hyman, Alex Popov, Dick Pound and Dean Pullar.

(Submitted by Andre )

P.S. I believe Pwrupphoenix won gold for Uzbekistan in the 105+kg weightlifting.

(Submitted by huh )

dean pullar???

(Submitted by hefty pickens )

Jackie Mason and Jimmy Page could probably use some sleep too.

(Submitted by Steve )

Oh, goddess Spatula, where art thou ?

(Submitted by mellow yellow )

Don't think Ricky Watters needs a pillow. He looks like he's on acid and wandered into the Koffe Kup Kafe after a rural Idaho Monster Truck event.

(Submitted by in lieu of nanners )

sorry steve. looks like spatula's gone. you might have better luck with spankula.

(Submitted by Steve )

Isn't that what you do in the prvicay of your own home ?

(Submitted by in lieu of baaa )

well, no. you see, i work as a shephard.

(Submitted by walfix )

What the flock?

(Submitted by Steve )

The open fields, miles from no where, just you, your flock of sheep, oh and the wellington boots, rain coat and mint jelly !

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Steven is a very mean boy. Terry, can I come play with you? *lower lip quivering, big crocodile tears forming in big blue eyes* I'll share my mushy nanners with you, Terry.

(Submitted by Pillion Pal )

spankula - is that a dominatrix vampire - bites 'n' beats - how versatile!

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Andre, so glad to see you're back. Dal will be so thrilled. I hope you brought her a present from wherever you've been (she's rather fond of the tool set, but from you, she'd be happy to even have a counter card).

(Submitted by Steve )

Hi ChickenTikka, weren't you an Abba song ?

(Submitted by Zenith )

I've been scouring the land of Wal*Martitans looking for my boy, Lars. Has anyone seen him about? I'm still waiting for him to bring me some silk & I'm getting very cold.

(Submitted by saab story )

abba pushed us-swedish relations back to pre-volvo days. they're the main reason sweden's never been invaded, kind of like a first line of defense through sensibility offence.

(Submitted by Spatula )

Hail Sister Zenith - here have Workules' golden fleece, he left it lying around earlier - I'll see if I can whip up a Lars or two for you...

(Submitted by Willy Nilly )

Yeah, they were the artists formerly known as shitty.

(Submitted by Steve )

Oh omnipotent Spatula, I worship thee ! I adore thee ! I am but a humble mortal who seeks wisdom and excitement ! How do I ascend the heavenly path to join you in a life of immortality ? Must I spilt blood of your enemies, sacrifice a living animal in your name ? What magnificent feat must I perform, what arduous task must I complete ? Oh mighty Spatula, tell me what I must do !

(Submitted by Spatula )

I'll have to get back to you on that - I need to confer with Aponolite and Zenith - do you mind waiting??

(Submitted by Spatula )

I'll have to get back to you on that - I need to confer with Aponolite and Zenith - do you mind waiting??

(Submitted by gasp... )

oh the echo of the gods....

(Submitted by Zenith )

Spatula, your mortal admirer is getting a little scary. You'd be wise to heed the ancient Goddess proverb: "Beware of toga-wearing mortal stalkers."

(Submitted by Steve )

Mighty and wonderous Spatula, I would wait until the end of time to hear your words of wisdom. Your voice is so gentle, like the sound of butterflies raising on a summer's breezer ! But, don't make me wait too long, I'm on holiday next week !

(Submitted by Steve )

Mighty and wonderous Zenith, can I help it if I am mesmerised by such heavenly beauty, that I wish to bathe forever in it's light !

(Submitted by Drowning in syrup )

Can you make it two?

(Submitted by sine here )

First you blew the poor girl off and now you're eating a mile of her crap to get within an inch of her butt. Are you self-medicating?

(Submitted by lieu )

you know, we've not heard from Not Elmo in a long time. being in the middle of hurricane season, i wonder if he's not down at the beach combing thru kelp and adding to his barrette collection. do you think he'd ever consider selling any of those or, better yet, finding their rightful owners?

(Submitted by Steve )

No, but I did take the blue pill ! If I had known about the multiple names thing at the start then perhaps I would have taken the red pill I

(Submitted by in lieu of woodstock )

don't take the brown acid!

(Submitted by The Explainer )

Might I just suggest that perhaps some of you are getting your Goddesses confused. It may behoove you to go back to the last receipt & review the progression. The last thing we need here is an accidental poster frame.

(Submitted by mellow yellow )

dal, abi, chiquita, suz, rainy... where are y'all? *whipping out skin flute Pied Piper style to lure you in*

(Submitted by Oedipus Hex )

You know, before I saw Mighty Afrodite I figured it was just a sequel to Shaft or Car Wash or something.

(Submitted by Aponolite )

Sisters, dear Sisters, tis an easy solution to the mortal who so desires to worship you. Simply eschew the blood- spilling and animal scarifice and demand a nude photo be sent - then of course, having seen that one may, if highly pleased request piggy back rides about the Walmarteon, or if displeased request a hefty nectarofthegoddesses.com gift certificate be sent to one's email addy! Wahlaa!!!

(Submitted by Aponolite )

How Steve, darling, I suggest to show more kindness and respect to our beautiful Chiquita/Zenith, otherwise I will have to smite you most hardily. You are doing nicely with Abi/Spatula!! *psssttt, Abi, be sure and forward me the pic!! Now, where is that broad back I so adore?

(Submitted by Steve )

Unfortunately, if I send a photo I would have to kill you once you had seen it, for while i'm on assignment my identity has to remain secret.

(Submitted by Dal )

You piped, Mellow? ANDRE!!! ANDRE LIVES!!! Look here, Andre, I have a darling hot pink fishnet toga just waiting for you...and some jazzy sandals with spurs!!!

(Submitted by Steve )

Aponolite, and I guess that you are Dalliance ! Right, I think I've got the hang of this now, thanks for your patience ! Would Chiquita (the curry reference ends here - ok) forgive if I sent her a ripe banana !

(Submitted by in lieu of homer simpson )

sorry but the corinthian proclivity supporting this column had left me in the translative dust once we got past the subject of trojans. yes, my back's plenty wide to ride buy i'd hoped to entice you with a roamin' arch.

(Submitted by Testicles the Magnificent )

Somebody told me I would discover the meaning of an innuendo at the Temple of Uranus.

(Submitted by in lieu of plastic )

hi dal, welcome back. can i pull up a sandalwood chair for you to relax in?

(Submitted by Abi )

mellow, mellow, the lure of your flute has magically drawn me back....*floating in an ecstatic haze towards tinkly music* how's it hangin'?

(Submitted by Spatula )

Well, Steve - Aponolite has thrown down the golden gauntlet - you know what you have to do....the favours of the goddess could be mighty!

(Submitted by mellow yellow tripod )

hey abi cakes. hanging in threes... can i take a steady picture for you?

(Submitted by Smoky Bra )

I buy my bad attitudes at Gloria SteinMart.

(Submitted by Harry Scarr )

What do you hear when you blow into a blonde's ear?

(Submitted by ! )

a whistle

(Submitted by in lieu of levis )

i wonder why togas ever went out of style. mosquitos possibly, or maybe that's when they started putting sheets on the beds. course, it'd be great to get up in the morning and instead of making the bed you could just wrap yourself with the sheet. unless, of course, you'd had an accident. "claudius wet his toga..." and how do you think they got their names? testicles must have invented bowling. claudius must never have trimmed any of his ten fingernails. did euripides have a gas problem or was he a clothing merchant.. "you rippa des, you pay for em."

(Submitted by lieuny )

was ophellia a molester? was caesar a kleptomaniac? was brutus a sodomizer? was apollo a chicken? was marc anthony indecisive? and i don't even want to think about gerbilus maximus.

(Submitted by Su Kme )

This site is stupid. Do any of you have any kind of life. Go find a girl and give her the pleasure she deserves!!!!!

(Submitted by Me )

The number of responses to this just sickens me.

(Submitted by stupid is as stupid is )

sk gender bender. You pretend to be a guy but you actually sound like a really a very young, very frustrated girl. So young in fact that maybe you've not found a lover yet that's mature enough to put your wishes ahead of your partner's newly-developing desires? My advice... Date someone who likes you not because their hormones are exploding - and they do at your age - but who digs you because of who you are. And yeah, I think you could someday be decently cool and unbegknowst to you, that guy might be out there. He may not surface today (probably won't), he may not surface tomorrow (probably won't), but he may surface sometime when you're least expecting it (probably will). You know what the determining factor is??? your patience factor has a lot to do with finding something to do in the interim. Stay tuned in but retrospetcive. Have fun, but do it in style. Oh, and "sukme", (geez, talk about abbreviated wit) if you're simply a guy that just doesn't get it...( I'd hate to think this is true) it's very possible that one day, light years back, i was just as fucking stupid as you. but i politely kept it to myself. If you are a guy, I'll bet your Dad sits on a porch and plays a banjo. I'll bet counting sheep at night keeps you occupied. Tell me I'm wrong, oh keeper of the way-to-persistent-grip... just what i thought

(Submitted by lee hs )

I think I know hwo sukme is He's mastrabating in school at the 2 floor batroom yestrday! It s you right?

(Submitted by Copy Cat )

CONNUBIO PINOT 2.49 J/CRK SPARKLING 6.99 RED BULL 3.49 JS SAUCE TARTARE 1.29 SEAFOOD SAUCE 0.79 JS HORSERADISH 0.99 SKIMMED MILK 0.49 DIET R/FRT YOG 0.79 SPNACH/NTMG PATE 0.99 DIET Y/FRT YOG 0.79 STRAWBERRIES 1.69 SALMON TL FILLET 2.01 JS SOUR CRM/CHV 0.95 RIBENA LIGHT/9 2.55 TORT CHIPS 0.95 CHOC CHP COOKIE 0.69 CRSTY WHTE STICK 0.39 WHT S/L GRAPE 0.615 KG @ £1.78/KG 1.09 KINGSMILL SQ/CUT 0.59 BANANAS 1.235 KG @ £0.99/KG 1.22 20 ITEMS PURCHASED BALANCE DUE 31.23 DEBIT CARD 31.23

(Submitted by Spatula )

*running 'round the elysian glades of Walmarteon, thinking happy thoughts* I've got a life and it's absolutely wonderful, thanks!! If anybody feels sick - *here have a sickbag* and shut the golden gates behind you....

(Submitted by Pillion Pal )

hey Harry - What are a woman's favourite animals?? - A mink in the closet, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom - and an ass to pay for it all!!! he he he....

(Submitted by Steve )

Wondrous and Mighty Goddesses of Wal*Mark, I seek your audience ! Oh, Spatula ! Oh, Aponolite ! Oh, Zenith ! The golden gauntlet for the favours of the Goddesses eh ! I need to know that I stand a chance, no matter how small, of being draw to the bossom of the Goddesses. So from now on and until I am worthy of your mighty wisdom, I wish to be know as NILREM - apprentice to the Goddesses !

(Submitted by Nilrem )

Tall, with short blonde hair in a style reminiscent of Elvis and hazel eyes. Appears to be built for comfort and stamina, not speed. He can tell from the confused look in your eye that you are wondering what his name means. And suddenly, as if by telepathy, the answer is placed into your mind: nil- means Nothing (I am a mortal, an insignificant speck at the feet of the Goddesses of Wal*Mart) and -rem is an old programmer's code for Remark or Comment (guess my secret assignment ?), so the name means No Comment. You now feel dizzy and confused and as if you need to sit down. Also answers to Stephen.

(Submitted by Spatula )

and there was me thinking it was Merlin backwards!

(Submitted by Tick Boy )

I had a Merlin backwards once...it was in college, and I was experimenting. Really.

(Submitted by Merlin )

Spatula, you have seen through my guise, yes, I am indeed Merlin ! Merlin the Necomacer, servant to King Arthur at Camelot. I suppose it would have taken a Goddess such as yourself to have done so. The powerful know the powerful ! The wise know the wise ! Those that live, have lived and will live to the end of time, are as one ! Abuse the sacred oath of the Ancient Ones and encure the power of Nacromacer ! I call upon the Curse of Making. Annal Nathrak, Uthras Bethudd, Doth'el D'enve !

(Submitted by Merlin )

Annal Nathrak, Uthras Bethudd, Doth'el D'enve !

(Submitted by Spatula )

I think you missed out Amyl Nitrate....hey, Merl, do you have a pointy blue hat?? I just love those, so wizardy!

(Submitted by Merlin )

'Friad it's not blue, but black with little silver stars and moons all over it, with a long flowing black robe, with a shash around the waist to hold my pouch. You know, where I keep my "potions" ! My best one yet is Love Potion Number 9" !!!

(Submitted by Abi )

Mellow-matey - you can take a picture anytime! what sort of a pose were you thinking of??? Is this for the Wal*Tarts Calendar?? Am I still in the Autumn section?? *jumping up & down with excitement*

(Submitted by susieonprozac )

Cn I hve one pwrcsh-exo pls, nd a dbl size przac pk.whle Im wtng for Meln to shw up

(Submitted by mellow )

i'm so damn pleased to see two names i recognize, and am still looking for a couple more. anybody got any extra prozac? i don't know what it does but right now i'd take two... just in case they're very, very small. woah, blast from the past, i've not gotton small in a long time.

(Submitted by Merlin )

Can I pre-order a Goddess Calendar to put up in my cave ? There's a space right next to my signed picture of the Lady of the Lake !

(Submitted by Merlin )

Mellow, sorry no prozac left I'm afraid, but I can whip you up a natural potion for you if you so desire ! The root of a dozen dandelions mixed with the innards of two frogs, with a hint of lemon should suffice !

(Submitted by Aponolite )

Nilrem, I was thinking "no sleep, no dream" as in "No Sleep Til Brooklyn", and living in Brooklyn you can imagine my excitement. But alas, you are Merlin of the pointy hat and wal*mart fanny pack. *sigh*

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Dear Copy Cat, I notice you and your sweetheart eat A LOT of pate! What's up with that?

(Submitted by Dal )

Vale! MellowMan *mwoa mwao* Afternoon, Steve and Spatula!! Where is our Chiquita lately?? Hey Big D!! Lickity lick to you Terrance. Bonjour susie!

(Submitted by Chiqca )

*yawning & rubbing the sleep out of my big blue eyes* It's still dark & early here. I don't think my Wal*Mart's even open yet. I want to see if they still carry that SUEDE BOOTY that Der bought a while back. I think I could find a good use for that. I wonder if they also have a leather booty.

(Submitted by Dally )

Hey Morning Sunshine...good luck on the leather booty search! Hey, everyone, be sure and go to Der's homepage and click the big banner that let's you wish Derek's little brother a Happy 21st Birthday. Isn't Derek the sweetest, most kind, most luscious brother????

(Submitted by susieonprozac )

Dear Mellow, Prozac makes you feel happy happy happy and I think that one in three americans should take it. Is Melon at all related to you,and where is he anyway?

(Submitted by Azrael Brown )

I don't think it's on his homepage - it's on the homepage of THIS site....although, how luscious IS he? I know the girls swoon over him, but is he really "all that"?

(Submitted by mellow )

no such luck, suz. my loss because i think melon might be the most brilliant thinker of our generation, except of course for rodin.

(Submitted by Merlin cum Steve )

What a bummer eh Apololite ! Yes, I have a pointy hat but I wouldn't say no to being chased by a horde of naked, young nubile women - I take it thats a "fanny pack" ? Greetings on this dark and dismal afternoon to you Dal, same it's nearly time for me to go, but I've got 10km to pound away before I get home ! PS - Anyone, are ALL Americans obssessed with Prozac ?

(Submitted by Copy Cat )

CAB SAUVIGON 3.99 SALMON PATE 1.09 TORTILLA CHIPS 0.79 6 BAPS/BRDKES 0.48 MEXICAN DIP 1.59 SPARK RED WINE 4 @ 8.99 35.96 TOTAL 43.90 SWITCH 43.90 CHANGE DUE 0.00 Pate on toast is only one of the few things she can eat since she had most of her fingers removed following her finger-nail extension mis-hap !

(Submitted by in lieu of quality )

CAB SAUVIGON 3.99 SALMON PATE 1.09 - i certainly hope those are just very small portions.

(Submitted by Spatula )

Merlin - you can have as many Goddess calendars as you like - not sure I want to compete with a watery bird though. Aponolite/Zenith - good morning to you both - Zenith - have you found your silken robes yet? They'll look nice with the suede booty.

(Submitted by Pearl White )

Steve, Do all Brits go to the same dentist?

(Submitted by Shaka Zulu )

Why is Steve going home? Is the sun setting on his empire too?

(Submitted by Terry )

A suede booty...I'll bet that feels good...

(Submitted by Sugar Mountain )

lieu,lieu, Copy Cat is from UK...the price is in pounds (I noticed earlier) Azrael, Silly Ol' me...Yes, I meant the homepage of THIS SITE!! It was the nyquil talking again. As to your question, yes, indeedy, he IS all that and more to booty! Steve-O, darling, prozac is sooooo passe. We've all moved on to Zoloff. Really, you Euros should try to keep up..*impish grin*

(Submitted by Get Me to a Steam Room )

*checking out Terry's suede booty*

(Submitted by Abi )

Pearl White - of course we all go to the same dentist - there's only 6 of us living here and we all know each other!

(Submitted by Team Prozac )

Come now, let's not give into the cultural taunts, what is it with the French insecurity anyway - always trying to start petty shit? Rodent was a brilliant thinker, I wonder if he ever figured it out.

(Submitted by Polish Guy )

Huh?

(Submitted by Dalliance )

*swaying hands in the air and singing at the top of my lungs, "WE ARE THE WORLD, WE ARE THE CHILDREN.... YADAYADAYADA SO LET'S START GIVING* Here, Steve have a poster frame. Susie, here's a white globe.

(Submitted by Tick Boy )

Abi, one more before you go...what's the difference between an Italian Grandmother and an elephant?

(Submitted by Abi )

Go on Tick - what???

(Submitted by Tick Boy )

About 40 pounds and a black dress.

(Submitted by in lieu of Neil )

oh to live on sugar mountain... sug, that makes it even worse - $1.09 for a pound of pate? must be that fake-salmon carp instead.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Since when do elephants wear dresses?

(Submitted by Terry )

Can I send you a pic of my mother-in-law?

(Submitted by Mirror Mirror )

If I had an impish grin I'd probably date myself.

(Submitted by in lieu of two )

Wouldn't it suck if your mother-in-law was a twin?

(Submitted by in lieu of louve )

i altered my statue of rodin's thinker so that he's sitting on a little toilet. he finally looks completely natural.

(Submitted by Terry )

She might be...I'll get back to you...

(Submitted by Not Terry Mom...really )

Nope...rolled her in flour...only three wet spots...2 armpits, and the cashbox...

(Submitted by Si Bling )

Does Derek's brother think he's luscious too?

(Submitted by hefty )

Cashbox? Cha Ching!

(Submitted by in lieu of breasts )

mmmmm... chicken-fried cashbox - the other white meat.

(Submitted by Tiger Woods )

*huh* somebody call?

(Submitted by Fuzzy )

For the record, please let it be known that the Tiger Woods post was in reference to the "cashbox Cha Ching" statement, and not the "other white meat" reference... as we all know that he is Cabliasian, whatever the f*ck that is...I think it means he steals cars, but can't drive 'em away.

(Submitted by lieuny )

Do chickens congregate in flocks? Are multiple Nimoys called Spocks? If some women's favorite tools should include my family jewels, They should keep them safe in their cashbox.

(Submitted by dsfsdf )

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(Submitted by Dimwit )

Uhhh, Fuzzy you lost us. Please clarify.

(Submitted by Terry )

RIGHT!

(Submitted by Numbnut )

oh, a mixed ancestry reference. how refreshing. what's cabli?

(Submitted by Fargo Wells )

Does anyone else think he looks like the grinch? His girlfriend sure seems nice. I just know they'd be dating if he wasn't a famous millionaire.

(Submitted by Dally )

I think Tiger is adorable...*crawling out of my sick bed to give a feeble response* Is his girlfriend as good looking a Pete Sampras'. I'm not into woman in the least (not that there is anything wrong with that) but jeeze....women that gorgeous should not be allowed on the planet.

(Submitted by Dal )

I meant as good looking as Pete's girlfriend. Confusion is setting in, perhaps it is West Nile afterall. Would some mine bringing me some chicken soup.

(Submitted by Dally )

and a Vicks vapor rub would be so nice *cough cough*

(Submitted by Shine on you Crazy Diamond )

as a matter of fact, Derek's brother is adorable. It runs in the family apparently.

(Submitted by Terry )

I don't know how Vick does it, but I'd love to give it a shot. Just where is your vapor anyway?

(Submitted by Little Moth )

I think I fell down the rabbit hole.

(Submitted by Dalliance - w/Chest Cold )

Ah, Terry, it's a tricky spot, you might have to rub around a bit *cough, pitiful cough* You're suppose to put a piece of cloth on top of my chest to keep the warmth in after you've finished but..well, since I don't see one about, you could always just use your shirt (with you still in it preferably) *cough*

(Submitted by TygrBright )

Ignore the disclaimer on the main page. Ignore all the media hype about this page being "pointlessness raised to an art form." Ignore the seemingly random nature of the Wal-Mart receipts. I, and I alone, have fathomed the TRUE MEANING of this site, and it is frightening. I bet none of you have ever noticed the chillingly significant progression of all those apparently innocent "Validation" numbers. Fools!! When added to the four-digit dates of the purchases (ignore the year,) and laid out on the encryption grid of the ultra-secret Japanese WWII "Chrysanthemum" code, these numbers tell a DIFFERENT STORY than the simple small town 'single Dad' providing snacks, games, furniture, clothing, and housewares for his modest home in the wilds of Nordeast Minnesota. The man you know as "Derek" is really the nonhuman agent of a sinister conspiracy to take over our world and reduce humanity to a race of cybernetically-enhanced slaves, serving his evil Vordian masters' every whim, toiling in their porglark mines, being used and discarded by their megadustrial empire and its soulless bureaucrats!! It's all there!! Read the numbers, you fools!! There may yet be time to save humanity from this grisly fate!

(Submitted by in loo of lieu )

'twere never more delightful nether regions than the butts of receipt posting goddesses in legions though unlike the demons cast out by the guy upstairs with such clout they could never change their Derek Dahlsad allegiance

(Submitted by Andre )

I think I really want to get a hold of one of those Greco-Roman wrestling bodysuits, the ones that ride up the crack so beneficently. I think it'd feel very nice when I'm squeezed between an apono bulb and a white globe.

(Submitted by rainy )

sorry it took me so long to hear your lute, mellow. we indianans were recently invaded by "bobbys" and "knights" and had to learn an entirely different form of english. bloody english!!!

(Submitted by rainy )

i give my bloody kingdom to know freud's real name!!!

(Submitted by rainy )

...by the way, i turn traitor and announce that dally's real name is alison!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

awwww, rainy, why'd you go and do that? That's a total breach of cyber ethics.

(Submitted by Merlin )

Greetings goddesses and lesser mortals, yhou friendly pointy-hatted wizard is back. Spatula, I bet you would great in a wet suit ! Pearl White, See Abi's reply however, being wizard I prefer the more natural remedy. A ball of string and a door knob is all I need ! Shaka Zulu, the sun may set but the spirit lives on ! Prozac, Zoloff there all the same, I guess that as you "geared up" you don't seem to realise how silly you all look in those large-checked trousers (sorry pants !) you all seem to wear !

(Submitted by Spatula )

Morning Merlin - how d'you know about the wet suit?? Still, I do love that clingy, clammy feeling.....

(Submitted by Merlin )

I am a wizard, I see all there is, I know all there is, I am all there is ! I'msure I could conjure up a roll of cling film ! Can I mix you up a potion ?

(Submitted by Terry )

Doesn't ANYBODY in Indiana have any common sense?

(Submitted by Merlin )

I wouldn't know, I'm an Anglo-Saxon !

(Submitted by melon )

and im a fish.

(Submitted by Copy Cat )

SUSHI 3.99 SALMON PATE 1.09 TOTAL 5.08 CASH 5.10 CHANGE GIVEN 0.02 I am what I eat !

(Submitted by Terry )

Where's Anglo-Saxon, and can you get fish there?

(Submitted by Merlin )

'Fraid you will have to ask someone with a two pointy hat !

(Submitted by Abi )

Terry/Merlin - hello boys! Am I missing the point with the bobbys & knights invading indiana?? Help me out here Terry - what it's all about??

(Submitted by Spatula )

Merlin - I think I'm going to have to take you up on that potion offer, what's in it - ooh the cling film sounds funky!! Did you mention having a magic wand or not???

(Submitted by Terry )

Spats' darling, Bobby Knight was a basketball coach at the University of Indiana who recently got fired for his "spirited" coaching methods, such as the players attacking his hands with their throats...showing the same lack of judgement as another insipid Indianian, Indian, whatever you call those people up there, who, through the employment of common decency by me shall remain nameless ...*coughRAINYcough*

(Submitted by Merlin )

Spatula, what would you require the potion for ? There are many types of potions, and each one is tailered for each persons needs. I do a great range of Love Potions, although number 9 is the best and most popular ! The ingredients have to remain secret, the Ancient Druids Oathe, but I can tell you the magickal incantation that I you have to repeat to yourself three times as the one who you have choosen drinks it: LET THE ONE WHO DRINKS THIS WINE SHOWER ME WITH LOVE DIVINE. SWEET LOVE POTION NUMBER NINE MAKE THERELOVE FOREVER MINE.

(Submitted by in lieu of reed )

i too think i liked it better when bobby knight's voice was the loudest in indiana. rainy, i won't tell anybody about that genital wart problem you confided with me about if you won't betray anyone else's confidences again, mkay? and for the record, that's "a liason" for "Closed Lips Abort Sinking Ships", or CLASS. wanna join? merlin, i'll take your advice on the pants and wear a bowler from now on so i don't look so silly. how do i look ab(i),normal? i'll be right back with the vicks, dal. sorry but i grabbed the ky by mistake. freudian pink slip, i guess.

(Submitted by in lieu )

not to give anything away, but maybe the original name of love potion #9 will help offer a clue. when herb alpert first wrote that ditty he called it "9 inch love potion". it's why the babe on the cover of "whipped cream and other delights" is wearing little other than a seductive, knowing smile. ahhh, she once was a true love of mine. but being the 60's, a&m execs bowed to the conventions of the day. heck, the robert petries were sleeping in seperate beds and jeannie had no navel, though many of us 9 year olds dreamt of it (poop panties, wipes)

(Submitted by WalFixture )

Looks like the slogans were wrong. Indiana's in the middle of the heartlessland of the country.

(Submitted by the real lieu )

in loo, are we related?

(Submitted by no rules, but sensibilities for a happy cyberlife )

don't use someone else's name. be loyal. don't piss into the wind. if you break wind, be sure and tell everyone. keep a positive or at least realistic attitude. be yourself. realize that beans and cabbage help you comprehend your inner self. promote whirrled peas.

(Submitted by in lieu of einstein )

effluence = mass x cabbage squares

(Submitted by Steven Wright )

Speaking of a-holes with problems, whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

(Submitted by Webster )

rainy, I don't know where you got your info, but Dal's real name is Jocelyn.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

And rainy's real name is Complete Lack of Class.

(Submitted by The voice of reason )

Maybe those were the animal testing phases, or think about the possibly negative connotations... Would you call something for treating your rear Preparation (A)nus, (B)unghole, (C)rapper, (D) urf, (E)mitter, (F)unkybutt, or (G)renadelauncher when (H) ole works just peachily?

(Submitted by Desperate )

I took my troubles down to Madame Ruth You know that gypsy with the gold-capped tooth She's got a pad down at 34th and Vine Sellin' little bottles of Love Potion Number Nine I told her that I was a flop with chicks I'd been this way since 1956 She looked at my palm and she made a magic sign She said "What you need is Love Potion Number Nine" She bent down and turned around and gave me a wink She said "I'm gonna make it up right here in the sink" It smelled like turpentine and looked like India ink I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I took a drink I didn't know if it was day or night I started kissin' everything in sight But when I kissed the cop down at 34th and Vine He broke my little bottle of Love Potion Number Nine Love Potion Number Nine Love Potion Number Nine Love Potion Number Nine

(Submitted by in lieu of reed )

Are hemorroids one of the banned substances they're testing for at the Olympics? What are the benefits of having a stronger, faster butt that's losing it's hair and getting acne? I mean, what's it done for Oprah?

(Submitted by Rikki )

No, don't look at Opray, my shows much better !

(Submitted by Considering Canada )

I used to wonder who re- elected Clinton/Gore. Then I watched Rikki and Jerry Springer.

(Submitted by Rikki )

Don't consider Canada, Alaksa is much better ! It's just as cold, same amount of snow and ice, but there's no Canadians ! I think I ought to point out that Jerry and I, aren't actually married ! Rikki and Jerry Springer indeed !

(Submitted by walmart - we cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you! )

i lived in alaska for 5 years but moved back cuz of the lack of walmarts and waltarts. and hey, don't blame c eh? n eh? d eh? it's terrence and phillip's fault. they're such uncle f*ckers.

(Submitted by cartman )

T and P are cool dudes, bitch ! Cheesey poof anyone ?

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Dear Terry and lieu and Chicqa and Abi and all my wonderful friends, you are wonderful friends, thanks for watching my back. Heartfelt kisses and hugs and stuff.

(Submitted by susieonprozac )

just for the record I think its Zoloft,presumably because it takes you high

(Submitted by Dalliance )

I am truly touched. God, I wish I had some M&Ms, or a Hersey's chocolate bar, one of those gigantic ones. Hi Steve. By the way, which trousers are you talking about? I swear I don't think I've ever seen any such things here? Where in the UK are you by the way?

(Submitted by susieonprozac )

oh Melon thinks he's a fish, I missed that. Love is aaaalll oh love is aallll, at the Melonfish balllll.....

(Submitted by Abi )

Dal - are you feeling better?? Did Vick help - such a nice boy. Terry-mate - thanks for the info on the basketball coach, sometimes these things just go right over my head and I like to keep up to date. Lieu, you look just cute in a bowler, tres saucy!

(Submitted by Pillion Pal )

Tick Boy - where are you - what no jokes today???

(Submitted by Mrs. Eunice Gutrumble )

Edgar and I were on the way back from the Bingo training class about 5:00 last night and decided to stop at WalMart for a late supper and to look for a melonballer for melon. I got bored waiting for Edgar to finish his cabbage and beans and decided to amuse myself by sneaking off and picking up and Aim-N- Flame. I then crept up behind my cud-chewing Edgar and knowing his colon by heart screamed "You Amerikan min has such berry berry larj penisses!" just like he used to hear back in '44 and put the lit flame near his Sans-A- Belt coin slot. He 'bout shit like he's never shat before and a mushroom cloud- shaped flame rolled towards the ceiling. We both laughed so hard we almost slapped our thighs and promised the applauding deli employees we'd come back next month and do it again. They even helped us find a melonballer that wasn't too slutty and didn't have any tatoos. Such a nice store. Such nice people. Thank you.

(Submitted by in lieu of pants )

Thanks Abi, but do you mean "just cute" or "cute in just"?

(Submitted by walmart - we cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you! )

gee, that's the first time i've been called a bitch since i was in prison.

(Submitted by Abi )

oh lieu - there you go again, messing with my head - you're twisting my melon man! I've lost the plot......

(Submitted by Karen )

Rainey days and Mondays always get me down

(Submitted by choclate layer cakes )

"just cute in a bowler" or "cute in just a bowler"?

(Submitted by Abi )

Aaah *apono bulb goes off above head* - it's getting towards the end of the day for me, my brain is just not rapier sharp now - I think I'll go for the latter option....what about adding some sock suspenders...?

(Submitted by lieu )

ha, that's a funny visual! are they to hold something up or keep something in check? wasn't there an old pink floyd album cover that had some feller prancing around in a bowler, or was it the full monte python? hey, speaking of, what ever happened to yfnse or whatever his/her name was? yellow floating noxious smell emitter?

(Submitted by Tick Boy )

What do a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? They both have a wet nose.

(Submitted by yfnse-less )

Your Flatulence Necessitates Strong Enemas

(Submitted by Dalliance )

heeheeheehee..*laughing so hard I fall off the couch* owie..sock suspenders..oh Abi, you're too much..I have this great vision on my head of a nude lieu in a bowler and sock suspenders...teeheeheee *rolling into the plant stand* owie.

(Submitted by Dal )

*howling* wait, not "on" my head, I meant "in" my head..goodness, cause on my head would be...oh dear..Stttteeeerrrriiikkkeeee. Here, Tick Boy, Have a glazed donut.

(Submitted by sock it to me )

i for one wood prefer the donut hole. careful dal, ha, don't hurt yourself. you know that nyquil and wild turkey should be mixed in moderation and never with plant stands.

(Submitted by dr. strangelove )

glad you're feeling better dal. were you visited by the streptococcus?

(Submitted by Dalirium )

Hey, Dr., you kiss your mother with that mouth??

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

Watch for the first big gig that Zenith, Aponolite and Spatula have together - watching over our Kylie at the closing ceremony - that is if NBC lets you watch it ;-)

(Submitted by the REAL rainy )

WHO'S BEEN USING MY NAME?!?! I HAVEN'T BEEN ON IN A WEEK AND I'VE BEEN VIOLATED OF USE OF MY RIGHTFUL NAME!!!

(Submitted by rainy )

AND NO MORE STUPID INDIANAN JOKES!!!

(Submitted by rainy )

oh, and terry, for the record, we're HOOSIERS.

(Submitted by rainy )

*simmers down and regains composure*

(Submitted by Barney Fife )

I think I left a bullet in Indiana. Maybe it was on Rainy day.

(Submitted by Abi )

Tick Boy - that's disgusting!! Dal - I'm glad you're laughing again!! I did just have this pythonesque image pop into my head with the suspenders - sorry lieu! I'm sure they'd look spanky on you!! Wasn't the album cover 'Wish you were Here'? Or was that the bloke in flames? Ah memories....

(Submitted by Merlin )

Eye of newt, wing of bat, sprig of hemlock, dash of mother's milk, pinch of garlic, ooh ! Sorry, Dalliance, getting a bit carried away here and realised I haven't replied. I just love making potions ! Can I make anyone a potion ? I've travelled the four corners of this ancient land making potions (see, I told you I just love making potoins), but at the moment I live in a cave just by the river of Gypswyck in the Celtic heartland of East Anglian !

(Submitted by Merlin )

And as it it's you, Dalliance, I'll let you call me by my pet name "Steve", just please don't call me that in front of the otehr wizards and goddesses ! As to the trousers, surely you've seen your golfers !

(Submitted by Spatula )

Morning Merlin - o pointy-hatted wise-one! Re your potions, I think we should just start at Number One and work our way through...the stamina of the goddess is renowned.....

(Submitted by Merlin )

My goddess of the morning, I wish you a long and happy life. You want a potion, I am never happier when I'm making a potion ! Potion #1 is "Beauty", I bet even a goddess has room for some assistance ! "Nature" can be a harsh and sometimes unforgiving mistress ! I know, I'm a wizard and "sleep" with her every night ! I'm going back to my cave to make up the potion, (more of a cream really), so will appear to you again when I've finished and will let you have the mystical incantation that you have to repeat as you work the potion into your skin.

(Submitted by Roberta E. Lee )

*sigh*....Hey y'all....still goin' on with them thare big words an' all I see. Say Derek...be a good ole boy an' see if you can buy Maurice Bessingers BBQ sauce at your friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart. You know they took it off the shelves here in the south.... Cuz Maurice was a flyin' a Confederate flag. Y'all believe that? *shakes head in wonderment and dismay*........... Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah / Some call me the gangster of love / Some people call me Maurice/ Cause I speak of the pompitous of love..../ Maybe that Lars 2 would do it...is that mustard or tomato based? Secret's in the sauce...*wink*

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Heheheh Abi, you made my day...sock suspenders...who thought those up, I wonder?..oh, let me jot this down: Get Andre a pair of wal*mart sock suspenders! Ah, Steve, my pet, so you live in my old stomping grounds, do you? Must have misted (hehe - little Brit humour there- very little actually) the river Gypswyck somehow during my brief residence in Ye East Anglia. Missed the Celts too but, ah well, they are a slippery lot, eh? Always celting about as they are. By the way, I have a sneaky suspicision I know how you make your potions...pointy hat, indeed! *wicked grin* Roberta, my Gawd, *hugging you, letting go, hugging you again* Lord Chile, where ever have you been? bless your pea-pickin heart, I thought you'd gone and run off with some Yankee boy to the wilds of Maryland or some such foreign place. So good to see your sweet font.

(Submitted by Merlin )

Mixing/pouring/ whiping/stirring -type sounds ! Tasting -type noises ! Slurp, slurp, ummmm ! PS Dalliance, I have you know my potions are made with one hundred percent natural ingredients ! PPS - Which cave in EA did you live in then ?

(Submitted by Merlin )

Spatula, it's been hot in the cave and without that glass of mead, I would have surely fainted, but here's your potion (#1 Beauty). I've scented it with apple blossom, hope thats ok. It didn't take me that long really, it's the incantations that take the time - trying to get the words to rhymn can be a little tricky ! Remember to repeat the verse three times if you want the potion to have it's full effect. So pure of spirit and brillant white, I wish for beauty like a dove, And as my skin takes this potion in, I thank the wizard, who I do love !

(Submitted by Dally )

Mer, that quaint cave known as Cambridge. Down where the river Granta turns into the river Cam and the lilacs and apple blossoms flower with more genius than ever bloomed inside the hallowed walls of that Grand Pram of the Great and Good. Sorry, it's the Rousseau in me talking.

(Submitted by Merlin )

Dally, ah ha ! Just down the lane and over the hill from me then eh ? I'll have to watch out that you don't decide to sneak into my cave whilst I'm out collecting herbs and spices for my potions, and take a look at my Big Black Book of Magic and Other Wizrdary Things ! You have lilacs in Cambridge ? I'll need some of those when I get to potion #6 Enlightenment ! Were you at the hallowed halls of learning yourself ?

(Submitted by Merlin )

Farewell ! For I will not be walking amongst you for a while. I travel to the barren and dark moors on Dartmoor to mediate, at the place where the wild cats feast when the moon is fat. Making that last potion for Spatula, was a lot more tiring that I thought. I will return in ten moons, but remember my spirit remains to look over you all !

(Submitted by Drowning )

Pity. How will we sleep?

(Submitted by I can't take this much longer. )

GD, enough already!

(Submitted by Merlin )

Alas! I have soiled my robe.

(Submitted by unbelivable )

goodbye

(Submitted by Skully )

PWRCRSH-EXO? What the heck were you thinking?

(Submitted by Aponolite )

Where is everybody? I am in dire need of a Workules piggy back ride.

(Submitted by mellow yellow )

hi dal, just been a hectic end of week day and i'm just about to try and beat traffic. last thing i'd want is to get home after dark and have to pull the hedgehogs out of my new firestone ats. i sure got a good deal on three used ones. damn, i need a new receipt! i don't understand this dre stuff and wish der would have a new kid so we could get some more poop panties for our biological warfare project silo, you know, the extra poopery kind.

(Submitted by katzenjammer kids )

Hey, I just noticed something - DRE and our Der! Connection? Let's see... DREJ ATTACK could be rearranged into ATT Jack Der or jackt at Der or best yet, Der jakt cat. Dirty Boy!

(Submitted by Mr Ken Verybigliar )

Im a Hamster!

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

OK THANKS FOR THE POSTER FRAME TO PUT THE SKETCH YOU MADE! TELL MATT I SAID HI!

(Submitted by Mats Sandgren )

You know that JPEGs aren't the best way to display monochrome images ? GIFs would be much crisper. Why don't you rescan them all ?

(Submitted by 16m/NY )

JPEGs support millions of colors, whereas GIFs support less colors; therefore the images would turn out much worse than they are. I would Suggest using PNGs.

(Submitted by Carolina )

Which one of us is he going to frame?

(Submitted by facialtissue )

PWRUPPHOENIX- For only $5.00. That is a rip off. No FACIAL TISSUE!!!