Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by Hammer)

What's the deal with all the facial tissue.Might need to buy some vaseline.

(Submitted by Hammer)

What's the deal with all the facial tissue.Might need to buy some vaseline.

(Submitted by Neass)

Facial, Tissue, Body Wash? Do you have zits or some thing? More counter cards? At least you got some quality bulbs.

(Submitted by melon)

i wonder whos face was removed to get all that Facial Tissue? i would like to meet a man with no face. http://mercury.beseen.com/chat /rooms/u/12285/index.html thats a chat room. where do you all live? we need to get our time zones all orgnized.

(Submitted by melon)

i saw susi was there, btw, and they collect pylon numbers, its not pornography (?!), it least not the kind i know.

(Submitted by I.P. Freely)

Just how much did you spend on Wal-Mart? Are they paying you to do this? I peed.

(Submitted by Fiona)

I don't get this. Yes it's funny but why are you doing this? Do you go out at all?

(Submitted by ashe)

What kind of filter was it? Air, coffee, oil?

(Submitted by Dad)

*sigh* Good, son, good. You got the filter this time. Now go back and get the damn oil.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Hey Dad- I think those were coffee filters.

(Submitted by Terry)

Thanks Derek. The bulb in my apono has been out for quite some time now, and I couldn't find replacements anywhere.

(Submitted by Dad)

Hey Chiq, he'd better get off his lazy ass and get some oil and a filter for the Volare. Last oil purchase 3 Jan '00, and he didn't even change the filter. He's gonna be walking to WAL*MART pretty soon.

(Submitted by Lemon)

Hey Melon, Your name's an anagram of mine! Strangely enough I was going to mention Pylon number collecting yesterday. There's an excellent UK site at http://www.pylonofthemonth.co. uk/ P.S. Can anyone guess what an "All" is?

(Submitted by lmnoe)

hey lemon, you're name is an anagram of MINE. FYI, ALL is detergent for washing clothes. Derek, if nothing else, is a clean person, and regularly practices good hygiene. We could ALL learn from his example.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

No, no, no! ALL means everything in the store. Derek is such a good customer that they let him buy everything for $3.97.

(Submitted by Lizzie)

Coffee filters? Hope not. $4.47 would buy one heck of a lot of those things - I get 'em 200 for $1 at Big Lot. But then, maybe Derek DOES need to drink a lot of coffee if his WalMart is open 24/7, like mine is. Maybe the coffee keeps him awake for late night/early morning buying sprees(?) Hey, Derek, when will you start posting your Visa statements so we can reconcile the charges?

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Yeah, it's a little known fact that Derek has a LOT of coffee pots.

(Submitted by Precut Carp)

Derek bought me a Tetra Whisper Power Aquarium Filter Cartridge 4-Pack for the fish tank. This is the preferred filter system for my species. Any of you out there using anything less are doing your Precut Carp a great disservice, not to mention endangering their health.

(Submitted by nirv)

I eat bird beaks.

(Submitted by wow)

prop rolls? is that movie food? maybe that's a porno bulb then?

(Submitted by my number???)

I just thought everyone should know what Derek's phone number is so that they can give him a call and tell him how cool his page is. So, I took the liberty of looking it up in the local phone book. It is as follows: 701-237-6787. Now, I'm sure this won't be on for long. So make sure to get it down. I'd also like to say that Walmart is on its way down. Ever since big Sam died, the people that have taken over the company are only concerned about making a profit. They have proceeded to take advantage of and piss off most of their employees. As a result of this, you...the customer...don't get the great customer service that you want and deserve. So please, next time you aren't treated nicely by a Walmart employee, take into concideration that they may just have the Corporate dick shoved up their ass and aren't too happy about it.

(Submitted by matt)

you are a piece of shit.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Hey, Pinhead, like we ALL couldn't do a web search for Derek's number if we wanted. You're a real Richard Feinman, there pal...oh, no, wait...he was a decent human being, while, you on the other hand obviously have nothing going for you other than whiny-ass malicious streak. Grow up .

(Submitted by Chiquita)

That's telling 'em , Dal! You go girl!

(Submitted by Dalliance)

I was all set to resume my 'Derek & Dalliance Do Wal*Mart" fantasy when this snitch of a loser shows up. Too bad Wal*Mart doesn't sale filters for this sort of waste product

(Submitted by braindamaged999)

You need to get a fucking life

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Anyone know if Wal*Mart & Walgreens are cousins, or sumpthin'??

(Submitted by susie)

Anyone know if they sell cheesegraters at Wal*Mart

(Submitted by dad's dad)

Dad's dad here. Get to bed, son.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Derek and I stroll the aisles to Housewares and our brisk pace paired with Derek's display of digit dexterity serve to warm my sun-kissed body in a remarkable fashion. We pass by displays of teflon coated frying pans; blenders. I glance at Derek shyly and toss my shiny blonde hair back as I readjust the now gooey Swedish Fish in my hand. "My," I purr, "so well equipped." Derek winks and reaches out to lift a manual egg beater off its hook. He gives it a good hard twirl. "Wow!" he half whispers, half growls, "nice one." I twitter girlishly. Suddenly, he turns and, seeing the toaster display, looks into my eyes. "Dalliance," he says, slightly hooded, "if you were a toaster, what kind of toaster would you be?" I feel as if he has penetrated my very being. My breast is aflame. "I...well, I'm not..o..I.." Sensing my dismay, Derek coaxes me along by saying "If I were a toaster, I would be a two-slotter. I see no reason a man would need more than two slots and why," he says, "be greedy?" I feel the Swedish Worm in my palm begin to turn. "Well," I say, "if I had my way, Derek, I would not be a toaster at all. No," I arch my back and say what is in my heart, "No," I say, "for I would wish to be not a toaster, but the box is which it came." I am aghast at my words but I continue unheeded. "A toaster box...a box fine and supple enough to contain all the receipts of your life." I hide my head in my shoulder and bite my knuckle knowing I have spoken in haste, the story of my heart to told to soon. "Huh?" Derek says. "Can you say that again I didn't hear you." I had been saved for just as I had told my deepest longings a voice, like that of a saving angel, had come down from above and muffled my wayward words. "HEY," It was heard to say, "This is the Associate of the Year. All You Wal*Heads that keep asking me - NO, I do NOT know who won the F--KING oreo stacking contest, so don't ask me again!!"

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Dalliance-baby... I must say, it presents quite an image. Should you be sharing so much with us? Can we be trusted?

(Submitted by One who knows)

Yes!!! they sell cheese graters at Wal*Mart... and damn fine ones, too

(Submitted by Wal*Chef)

I use my cheesegrater to make headcheese salad sandwiches. Just grate the headcheese with an Ecko (a brand you trust, aisle 7) cheesegrater, add miracle whip salad dressing and pickle relish (both can be found in aisle 2), and spread between two slices of wonder bread (for some reason, near the cash registers by the battery display). With a glass of hot ovaltine, it is nirvana!

(Submitted by sheerluck holmes)

or if you aren't hungry you may also find nirvana in the wal*mart music department...

(Submitted by Diva)

Well, I can't say I have read all the receipts, but I am slowly working my way through them. I just wanted to post and say hi to Derek and everyone else, and introduce myself. I'm from Oz, we don't have Walmart here.

(Submitted by Gabrielle)

Dalliance, the latest installment is the best so far! If only Derek could have heard you express your desire to be the toaster box of his dreams, his reality even, he would surely have taken you right then and there! I can't wait for the next installment!!! Every time I shop at Wal Mart I think of Derek, wonder if he would like my receipt, appreciate the darkness of the ink, note the variety of my very own purchases. I stopped reading the receipts at May of '97. Only reading the newer ones now. Should I go back? Is there a lot I've missed???

(Submitted by not Emo)

Dalliance - Do you write for a living? If not, you should consider a career change!

(Submitted by Kermit)

im enthralled. this is a wonder-site, and though im terribly tired, i have been hooked! continue your story dalliance, i hang on every word!

(Submitted by melon)

you know, looking at all the numbers on this list, i wonder if there are too many people in the world. if we have to number stuff, insted of giving it a name, we are becoming a very Natzi socity.

(Submitted by corregation rules)

Derek, since your spent receipts are already plastered all over these pages, would you mind pointing that toaster box my way? I've enclosed $2.97 to cover the body wash too.

(Submitted by susie)

Yes, Dalliance should write for a living and not on this site............

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Chiquita-Baby, of *course* I trust ALL of you, just please don't mention it to Derek, okay everyone? Thanks :) Gabrielle, thank you and do you think, right there, amid the microwaves? WOOHOO! Yes, you should definitely read the receipts otherwise you'll miss ChoreBoy and all the cool stuff Derek bought like the 'Hairy scar' and the 'Human skull'. Hi Diva, welcome (waving excitedly), here, have a cheesegrater. Not emo, you are a peach! Here, have a facial tissue, there's plenty for EVERYONE. (Isn't it great to have so much fruit in the room? melon, lemon, Chiquita) And Kermit, you're one of my all-time heros, cus, ya know, it's not easy being green. Now, where did I put my wimpy towel? And isn't 'corregation' such a lovely word? Say it everyone. It's so lyrical. Corregation.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

susie, was that a hint?

(Submitted by corregation fools)

Dalliance, be my inspiration, my congregation, my conjugal patient. What? Too many syllables???

(Submitted by Dad)

Dalliance, young lady, quite frankly, I am appalled. My son would never entertain the idea of engaging in such lascivious activity as you have described. His mother and I have raised him to be a good boy. Why, even when we were dating we would...er...uh...um...oh well, never mind. Carry on.

(Submitted by susie)

So, acheesegrater walks into a bar, and the barman says.....

(Submitted by shecky)

...sorry, we don't serve cheesegraters in here.

(Submitted by Sweet Princess)

To reply to the comments made by Mr. My Number, You are a very immature persson to go about things as you have. To look up a phone number with waht I believe was vishous intent is unforgivible, even if it was a failure of sorts. I AM a Wal-Mart employee, and yes, the corporation has changed in ways that are not kind to the customer and employee since Sam Walton died. My store is definatly feeling the crunch. Our store manager quit reciently and it is no great secrete that the thins that the corporation is handing down was a contributing factor. My problem with your comments is simply that you seem the type to just sit and complain and whine and not try and improve things at all. A grumpy employee doesn't HAVE to be rude to the customers. I have problems and mean customers, but I always try to return kindness to those who deserve it (and to those that don't, because it bothers them that they can't get under my skin) because that is how it has to be when working with the public. Now, for the fun side of this life....Dalliance, you are a truly talented person and the romance is always a joy to learn more about. I wounder if Derek had a younger brother?............

(Submitted by concerned fidgitin)

Sweet-hearted princess, do WalMart sell spelchekerz?

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Why did the cheesegrater cross the road?

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Really, why did the cheesegrater cross the road. I have no idea. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

(Submitted by corregation baby)

What did the Muenster say to the cheesegrater?

(Submitted by corregation baby)

Gouda hell!!

(Submitted by Bill Gates)

Y'know, this really isn't what I had in mind...

(Submitted by shecky)

Wonder what cheese says when you take its picture.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Knock knock.

(Submitted by SUSIE)

who's there? Is melon there we were at the chat room and he wasn't

(Submitted by Nacho Usual Girl)

Who's there?

(Submitted by xav or Rogerthe tailer)

melon were are you

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Sorry to be rude but I'm dying to know....is melon a boy or a girl. I thought she was a girl melon.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Who's there? A cheesegrater. A cheesegrater who? A cheesegrater from Wal*Mart. (Hey, I never claimed to be a great comedian). My apologies.

(Submitted by corregation drools)

Please confine chat room chitter to the chat room and leave only inane comments regarding Derek's lack of a life outside of store hours here. Spank you.

(Submitted by kermit)

what's a counter card? a card that counts things? a card which rests on counters?

(Submitted by d-rock)

based on the last few weeks, I'd say that the facial tissues are for wiping Dereks's semen off his wife's face after she sucked his cock, or maybe her ass after he fucked her in her tight butt!

(Submitted by cheese)

You sick fuck. I bet you like some fat cock up your ass, sliding up your rectum and spurting deep inside you!

(Submitted by corregation tools)

Derek, I'm as concerned about the things you don't buy as about those that you do. For instance, shouldn't we see a periodic TOILET PAPER in there, maybe an occassional TOOTHPASTE, some SOAP for Christ sake??? Or have you just got really outstanding water pressure.

(Submitted by dave)

he doesn't neccesarily buy everything at wal-mart, does he? And is there any way to filter out sick comments like those above?

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Apparently, some people have confused this site with their usual XXX chat room. Go back. We only want people with, at the very least, some amount of class.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

wow, it's getting kinda ugly in here. Not Emo, where are you? I'm frightened. Derek's dad, could you, like, ground some of these people or something?

(Submitted by dave)

I agree that these people should bugger off, but please don't refer to yourself as one with "class", you are a voyeur by definition of presence here. We are all as sick as those two are, In a slightly more socially acceptable way.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Dave, you're certainly entitled to your opinion, but I don't agree. A voyeur is one who enjoys watching others from a secret vantage point. I don't think any of us think we are a secret to Derek. Also, I don't think any of us are "sick" for chatting about something fun, but meaningless. Don't most people do that just about every day??? Just because we are doing it in writing instead of verbally makes no difference. Now let's get fun again. This is getting way too serious!!! Dalliance- baby, give us some more of the Dal & Der saga!!!

(Submitted by dave)

fairy nuff. It is indeed a strange little forum here, where the reciepts form a simple springboard for conversation, seemingly without malice. But you must admit, It's a pretty voyeristic concept, and those sick puppies above are symptoms of the idea's bizzare origins. However, responses like your's may be inteligent, but I don't know if you can call anything said in this context "classy".

(Submitted by melon)

im really happy there were a few posts about me. im not used to attention in real life. Dalliance - im a guy. but im open to any thing new.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Dave- Agreed. Truce??? *waiving little white flag & sending big bear hug*

(Submitted by dave)

I never thought there was a war! *takes white flag and burns it - only joking! * Now, what else is going on, dude?

(Submitted by Bruce)

So is a melon a fruit, or what?

(Submitted by Dalliance)

OMG, Chiquita, are you saying you think Derek might *know* about us???? God, that means he probably knows about...my...my yearnings!! And, BTW, I think you've got class running out your ears, Baby. melon, clearly you are all male with a wonderful attitude...I really should get out more but can you please help me get to your chat site. I signed up at the Beseen homepage but I can't find the room you are in and the URL you gave doesn't work for me. Hep me, please.

(Submitted by abdi)

Derek, you bought 13 items! Are you nuts? Why don't you just lather yourself with body wash, stick facial tissue all over your body, then walk under a ladder!

(Submitted by corregation gratification)

Hypothetically postulating of course, what if in fact Derek makes his purchasing decisions based not on actual need but instead on the moniker that would be generated on the receipt? In other words, what if he's fulfilling a need of desired perception instead of hard items. Maybe he just gives all these useless items away to the Shriners or Jesuits or, even worse, what if he has additional receipts he does not share with us... is it possible he might be a receipt offender?

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Where's Freud when we need him?

(Submitted by corregation)

Aisle 9, way left.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Dave, dude! I can't believe you burned my flag. It was a Wal*mart smiley face roll back special!

(Submitted by hmmm)

anyone else think derek has one of those o.c.d. hygeine/cleanliness things? always with the soap, shampoo, detergents etc...or maybe he just has a stockpile out back in case of a shortage?

(Submitted by ROGERTHETAILOR)

MELON MEET YOU IN THE CHAT ROOM IN 10 MINUTES

(Submitted by susie)

So, melon goes into the bar and asks for a drink and the bar man says ........

(Submitted by Jeff)

Matt Krieg is a God. He gets to spend all day at Wal-Mart and he gets paid to do so. What a lucky man!

(Submitted by Bruce)

...let me turn that stool over for you.

(Submitted by someone other than me)

Is that a cheesegrater in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

(Submitted by Gabrielle)

Dalliance, babe, it's definitely (!) time for the continuing saga of you and Derek sharing your shopping love at Wal Mart!!! Or, it's time for Derek to post a new receipt!!! Know what though? I was looking at my last couple Wal Mart receipts....and they're SO much better than Derek's! I know, that's practically sacrilege to say so, but it's TRUE! I buy all kinds of stuff, like cat litter and tampons and Hot Wheels cars and motor oil and a boom box, purple yet! Maybe I don't need to compete with Derek though........maybe I could fight Dalliance for him and we could get married and we could post our scanned Wal Mart receipts together!!!! Or, maybe I could take over the shopping.......no, not that, too extreme. What if there were a competing Wal Mart receipt site? I'm serious, you should SEE my receipts!!! Anything's better than tissues and prop rolls. Er, what the hell's a prop roll?

(Submitted by Sweet Princess)

Delliance, please, the waiting is unbarable!

(Submitted by Sweet Princess)

BTW please excuse my spelling errors of past present and future. Not one of my strong points.

(Submitted by Randy)

Dalliance... does this mean our fun filled days at K-Mart are over? (sobbing uncontrollably)

(Submitted by ZephyrAlfredo)

Why did the cheesegrater cross the road? To meet the headcheesegrater, of course! Derek... stop with the paper products! You're killing the planet! And, if the planet goes, so will Wal-Mart! Then what will you do!

(Submitted by melon)

paper products are not killing the planet, its those damn trees, with all that CO2 they take away. i say kill em all. if anybody has trouble getting to the chat room, go to a site : www.pylonofthemonth.co.uk i think someone talked about it before, and go to the chat link. roger, i cant help you if you dont tell me what TIME IT IS. p.s. i dont like to be called "fruit" - i like "vegetable-american" better.

(Submitted by Webster)

mel-on (mel' un) n. the edible fruit of either the muskmelon or the watermelon; either of these plants. [F.]

(Submitted by corregation stimulation)

Derek man, Great idea, original site, plenty many entertainment. But remember that as good as black and white TV was, the rush to color when it debued was overwhelming. As good as I Love Lucy was, I'm not going to turn off The Man Show to watch it. You're getting what, .03 or .04 cents per hit on this site and it's obviously quite popular (just ask us). GO WILD next trip. Buy a cornicopia of bizarre and Shatneresque crap exhibiting a plethora of cohabital possibilities. Tittilate us until we can be titted no more. Run amok dude and we'll all be better stimulated for it. Maybe something along the lines of a shovel, a cat and a lawnmower??? Lomotel, a garden hose and a sprinkler??? Surprise us. Make us collectively turn our heads and cough.

(Submitted by the jiggle)

Dalliance, I've loved Derek since you were in Dri Bottoms. Put down the toaster box and slowly back away. Did you honestly think you were the only one with a drawer full of Swedish Fish? Please. Half the employees at that WalMart are the product of one of Derek's many indescretions. I was just another Housewares Whore like you, until I gave birth to my baby in the WalMart and they made a movie about it.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Well, they don't call you Randy for nothing, do they? Randy, Randy, Randy.....you know I never knew that a Martha Steward curtain rod holder could be used in quite that fashion until I met you. Those evenings we shared in the hardware section, I will never forget. There, under the glow of the display model Bug Zapper, amid the drills and the electric screw drivers, I must admit were a horn of plenty. However, Randy, I found out about your little fling with cashier number 10 in the Kathy Ireland stretch apparel section. Oh, and don't try to deny it...Don, in pharmacy told me EVERYTHING!

(Submitted by Dalliance)

jiggle, I don't believe a word of your story!!! This is Shannon isn't it???? You, of the Feb 1, 1998 receipt. Miss 429 items per hour, Miss 21.92 rings per minute. Yes, I know you are fast and your fingers fly like the wind. I know ALL of this...but I also know about the so-called "kittens" you were trying to give away to Derek's ex! AHA! So, Miss 429 IPH, don't come around here trying to taint my love with your stories of Swedish Fish in other's drawers because I'm not buying it, Missy!!!!!!!!!!

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Sweet Princess, you are such an angel. p.s. And what is spelling compared to a good heart?

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Gabrielle-Baby, come on, jump in the fray!! I'm begining to have confused feelings...what with remembering Randy and all. Damn that Kathy Ireland collection! Do you think that jiggle person was right about Derek? Maybe, I'm not the first to receive Derek's favors. Maybe there are literally hordes of girls whose drawers have been filled to the brim (also a fish much like a the Swedish ones) by Derek. I....I...I just don't know anymore. So, yes, perhaps I should diversify *biting my knuckle*. Yes, come, Gabrielle and join the Wal*mart Roll Back Special....I think my heart is just too fragile to be pining (this is also a tree much like a Hemlock) for this Socractes of Small Purchases.

(Submitted by Fun2Bme)

Hello ALL. I've been visiting this site since March and have read all the recepits and comments, but this is the first time I've commented. Dal's story is very interesting and I can't wait for the next installment. The running jokes and commentary are hysterical with the regulars here. Dereck, you have created a masterpiece here and your personal page is quite creative also. Outstanding!

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Dalliance-baby, don't fall for the trap these imposters are setting for you. They are just trying to scare off the competition. YOU are the only one to experience Derek's Wal*Mart lovin' and I think you should be the one to bear his love child. You could name it Wally Martin Derek.

(Submitted by Sweet Princess)

Dilliance, never doubt in Derek's love for you. I am sure he is even more faithful to you than he could ever be to Wal-Mart, and we all know how very much that is. As sweet as a roll-back, as trusting as a gift-card, and as yummy as a sweedish fish, thus is the way of your romance. Be assured that others will come in jelous attempts to fool you out of the picture, but we true receipt junkies know the truth.

(Submitted by If you're happy and you know it clap your hands)

If i were an item sold at wal- mart, what item would i be.........?

(Submitted by Lizzie)

Did you ever notice how precise Derek is regarding the appearance of his receipts? Take this one, for example. There's a bit of paper sticking up at the top right corner, which means that the cashier tore it off in a clumsy manner. If only that cashier had any idea that this dab of paper would soon become immortalized on this website, one can only hope that he or she would have been more careful. And I am assuming that Derek is carrying with him some sort of flat carrier in which to transport the receipt, rather than just folding itup and jamming it in his wallet. But regardless, Derek does not bother to tear off that little piece of paper, but leaves it attached - just as he received it. That's dedication. (Or is that obsession?????)

(Submitted by Terry)

What I don't understand is, if you'll notice, the receipt is torn so that there is an extra piece in the upper right hand corner. Now in order to be consistent with this re-occurring phenomena, shouldn't the lower right hand portion of the receipt be MISSING some paper? But LOOK! It also has extra paper carelessly attached. Is this some sort of conspiracy. What gives, I'd like to know. Is this some sort of signal from the mysteriously absent Shannon Cock? Hmmmmm.

(Submitted by ROGERTHETAILOR)

HEY MELON I WENT TO ANOTHER CHAT ROOM USING THE NAME MELON AND SOMEBODY CALLED ME MELON HEAD. WHAT WOULD U REPLY TO THAT????

(Submitted by melon)

i would have to say to them:"fuck you and fuck the world you live in. i hope you get cancer in your ass, and die." but also, dont use my name, ive worked hard to come up with it. Dalliance, as a guy who never had a real sex life, im telling you, there is nothing more atractive, than a desperate woman.

(Submitted by chameleon)

Nooooooooo! I have just spent the last week of work going through all the reciepts (they pay me to do nothing, god bless dot.coms). This has been a wonderful journey with you all. I have joined under many a name, phaedrus, plato, nostalgia, and others which i won't reveal. Just know i was there, philosophisizing, laughing, feeling. Though the crib, the dri-bottom era (which dragged on far far too long) the scott's soil, human heads, choreboys and yes, even the corporate turnover from Ryan Hoage to Matt Kreig. I thank you all, just remember even if you don't know i'm there, even if i write under a different name, know i'll be with you when the next reciept comes...

(Submitted by MATT KRIEG'S #1 FAN)

ONCE UPON A TIME, THE REGULARS HERE BOTH LOVED MATT KRIEG AND FEARED HIS WRATH, BUT SOMEWHERE, YOU PEOPLE LOST YOUR WAY. MONTHS HAVE GONE BY WITH NOT ONE MENTION OF MATT KRIEG AND HIS DEDICATION TO 100% CUSTOMER SATISFACTION. FOR SHAME.. FOR SHAME ON YOU ALL. MAY KRIEG HAVE MERCY ON US ALL.

(Submitted by Susie)

Good morning ,good morning ! We've danced the whole night through, good morning, good morning to you!!!!

(Submitted by susie)

Answer : a pair of pink rubber gloves

(Submitted by Dalliance)

melon, do mean to say that you think I am desperate??? YAYYYYY MK's#1Fan!!! So glad you are back.

(Submitted by Wanda Fuca)

I wanna know three things: Why does everyone pick on poor melon? What in the hell is a Swedish Fish? What is the meaning of life, and how does it relate to Derek's receipts?

(Submitted by f%!@d if i know...)

you rock! we don't have wal- marts where i live. i must start collecting crap receipts

(Submitted by melon)

Wanda Fuca, people pick on me cause im weak and i like it, a swedish fish is a fish which is always on time, and the meaning of life is to download porn from the internet. and receipts are kinda like porn, only without naked women.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Wow! melon, you said a mouthful!

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Wanda,1) we love melon, whoever is picking on him has a crush on him and wants him badly 2) a Swedish Fish, in truth, is a piece of candy shaped like a little fish that is always on time. 3) I totally agree with melon's answer on #3.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

now, melon, to you...i'm not *desperate* i'm simply wild and untamed and red-blooded....ya know, like a primal beast...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and sometimes i like to eat melons for breakfast so watch out, mister man!

(Submitted by Wanda Fuca)

melon & Dalliance, I thank you for your answers. It's good to know that you, melon, have a strong sense of self. And, Dalliance, well... what can I say? Your serialized stories of Wal*Mart passion are exquisite. Keep 'em coming. heh-heh... I said coming. heh-heh...heh

(Submitted by Teary Terry)

Allright, who ate all of my Kraft caramels? Dammit, I was saving those for somethin'.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

As the echo from the intercom ripples softly down the aisle of Wal*mart much like the quivering tail of a Swedish Fish in a stream of body-hot caramel, Derek cocks his head and utters again, "Huh, I didn't catch that." I remove my mouth from my swollen knuckle and mutter something inane. "Huh?" Derek intones again, leaning his head in closer to mine. I am intoxicated with his nearness. Drawn, like a moth to flame, by his manly scent. Dial anti-bacterial bodywash, Alberto V05, and what I believe is either Brut or Oleg Cassini deoderant mingle to inflame my already turbid senses. It is then, as he leans in close to me, that his pince-nez tumbles off his nez and becomes intwined in my macrame halter top. Without thinking Derek's fingers start the business of disengagement. I am flummoxed as he struggles feverishly with the Gordian knot, falling against a avocado hued Amana microwave as my knees give way. Derek, unseeing without his pince-nezers, fumbles as blindly as a lazy-eyed gopher searching for raisins about the region of my upper torso. "Hold still now," He groans "I'm almost there." I close my eyes and throw back my head, unsettling a jumbo tube of bathtub caulking from the shelf above my head. It crashes to the floor but I am beyond all caring. For all I can hear is Derek's husky voice whispering urgently "Yes..yes..that's it, come on babyyyy, yes..it's coming..almost there..YES!!! Woohoo!" I feel a slight tug and then nothing. Derek moves away. I look up and he is smiling sweetly at me. "See, Dal, no problemo!" I hear him say triumphedly as I gasp for breaths. He slaps his glasses back on his nez and looks at me with an odd expression on his face. "Dal?" he asks, concern in his voice. "Are you okay? You look a little wierd." "Wha..Wha..Weird?" I stutter, "mmmm...mmmm...me, weird?" "M'kay, nevermind then, and look I didn't even snag your blouse...come on, let's check out Electronics." As he turns to go, I notice his foot as it lands square in the middle of the jumbo tube that I had dislodged. I watch mesmerized as, under Derek's foot, Mr. Jumbo explodes in a sudden violent burst, squirting caulking all over the near-by display of fake azaelas bush. (to be cont.)

(Submitted by Asst. Associate of Next Year)

CLEAN UP IN HOUSEWARES

(Submitted by peewee)

Forget the caulking, you oughta see the mess I just made. *phew* *lighting cigarette*

(Submitted by Webster)

Turbid (tur' bud) adj....I dunno, but it sounds dirty.

(Submitted by susie)

Shearer rocks

(Submitted by Roget)

turbid - characterized by or producing obscurity (as of mind or emotions). Not to be confused with turgid - being in a state of distension; SWOLLEN, TUMID. teeheehee

(Submitted by Randy)

Oh Dalliance, it's not true, Cathy on register 10 never meant ANYTHING to me!!! She never made my power mower rev up like you do. And Don in pharmacy is on drugs anyway, he's always lusted after your weedwacker, can't you tell when you're being used?!!! Trust me, my bug zapper only lights up for you. Meet me in the power tool aisle later, ok?

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Randy, you think Derek is only using me? *looking at you with big innocent silver- blue eyes*

(Submitted by Dalliance)

but...but...he bought me suncare and everything. June 10th...there is a receipt to prove it.

(Submitted by Ryan Hoage)

Dalliance, my dear, I think it's time you told the truth. You haven't been exactly faithful to your paramour either, have you. Darling, it's time the truth came out...I'm not ashamed of us...why should you be? Please...let's be free. I'll buy you FRENCH fish, and your own personal Chore Boy, if only you'll be mine.

(Submitted by kermit)

im still wondering what a counter card is...

(Submitted by Webster)

Dear Mr. Roget, I knew that...I just wanted to see if YOU knew that.

(Submitted by Terry)

O.K. So nobody cares about my "Torn Paper Conspiracy"...that's FINE. But just be forewarned, Shannon is out there...and she's looking for YOU!!! *knife slashing thru the shower curtain sounds HERE*

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Oh my, Dalliance-baby. I'm a bit flushed after that last installment of "As Dal & Der's World Turns Through the Aisles of Wal*Mart". What will happen next??? I'm sure we're all waiting with baited breath to find out what happens in Electronics. (Did someone mention bait? As in Swedish fish? Dismembered carp???) Has Harlequin contacted you yet about writing for them? Who do you think would be the model for Derek on the front cover??? Fabio, maybe??

(Submitted by uglymullet)

Did you know ... Howdy Doody had as many freckles on his face as there were States in the US?? Betcha didn't know that hey?

(Submitted by melon)

i think we have accomplished what many others have tried before - we mixed food, product consumption, sex, into one experience. now, everytime i walk into a store and go to the frozen food section, i get this orgazmic feeling all through my body. its like a drug... oh my...

(Submitted by Aunt Beru's lame chicken)

Derek, not content with the filter, purchases vast quantities of facial tissue to plug up the moist centre of his girlfriend's being so he doesn't have to buy frikn sanitary pads from Darryl Marchetta! He's such a waste of space.

(Submitted by Andre)

Can somebody for fucking Christ's sake post Derek's home page address here????!!! I've read every frikn receipt, and half of them two or three times, and I still haven't seen it!!!

(Submitted by Liitle kid, reading harmless receipt comments)

Fucking Christ??? Jeez, I need to go read my Bible again. I missed that part.

(Submitted by Kermit)

im still wondering what a counter card is.....oh well. all this very interesting

(Submitted by susie)

I think a counter card is maybe a scratch card, a gambling game? Would WM have that or are they Mormons? And talking of Mormons whatever happened to the Osmonds and especially to Little Jimmy

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Derek has a GIRLFRIEND???? Andre, check out the home page of this site, go to the "News" sections (or whatever its called) and see 1/10/99 I think it is...it's there Derek links his personal web site. Oh heck, I guess I might as well just give you the url...hope I'm not breaching anything: http://dahlsad.freeservers.com /derek/

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Ryan...Do you think I just floated up the river on a biscuit???? I know all about your kind. You'd have me in Layaway before the Greeters even had time to readjust their dentures. Oh, and I know what would happen then, Mr. Hoagie...you'd make some half-ass deposit, with the promise of "big things" to come, then you'd keep me laid away for months, only coming around whenever you felt like slipping a little across the table. Just enough to keep me hanging on, but not enough to take me home. No Sir! I didn't just fall off the turnip truck. So, hit the road, Ryan. Derek is the only Wal*Mart man for me!!

(Submitted by not Dalliance because I've already posted too much)

Kermit, a counter card is a greeting card...I postulate that the card was for Derek's Dad because I'm just positive Der is a very good son. Oooooohhhhh Chiq-Babe, Fabio!! Woo Hoo!

(Submitted by Randy)

yeah Ryan, you think you can flash your manager badge and just have your way with any woman who walks thru the automatic doors? I'll have you know Dalliance isn't going to be taken in by a smooth line and pocket protector!!! And Dalliance, my affections are as genuine as the 100% cotton used in the Martha Stewart collection, certainly you know that. I'll buy you sunblock AND hold the tanning lamp. I realized I don't have a lizard with racing stripes, but I can change

(Submitted by Andre)

See, like, it's like this, I only posted last night, and what the fewk are you guys doing all day, big balls ajanglin, wearing stetsons and blasting away punks, I mean, here you are replying replying and more replying to this frikn web site. I just can't believe it, my mind is going insane.

(Submitted by Andre)

oh, but by the way, don't want to upset you again Dalliance about the American stereotyping and all, cause I just want to say thanks to you and to Liitle kid, reading harmless receipt comments, for making reference to me again. I really appreciate your warmth and care and concern, and all I can say is that this web site has helped me find myself again, it's taken so long, what with the lights turned off and nobody home and mother not here to guide my trembling hand all that sort of thing. PS. Thanks for the home page address. I saw that way back in the glory days of October, the sun setting on another month of glorious home products purchases, as I contemplated the finesse of 40 quarts of oil liberally applied all over Derek's racing-striped

(Submitted by Andre)

...lizard! Goddang, he's got some sneaky little program now that deletes the last word even when you've typed a million spaces after it

(Submitted by Aunt Beru's lame chicken)

Funny, I never put two and two (or maybe two and three) together...Terry's friend with the two mattresses, the excessive use of sponge tape, Dalliance...it's all making sense now. Dalliance, what do you DO with all those used foam pads, anyway? Bury them under the Scott's soil? Hmm?

(Submitted by Aunt Beru's lame possum)

Funny, ah nevah put two an' two (o' mebbe two an' three) togither...Terry's friend wif th' two mattresses, th' excessive use of sponge tape, Dalliance...it's all makin' sense now. Dalliance, whut does yo' DO wif all them used foam pads, ennyway? Bury them unner th' Ole Jeb's soil? Hmm?

(Submitted by Dallaince)

Ryan. 'S coo', bro...Do ya' dink ah' plum floated down de riva' on some biscuit???? I know all about yo' kind. You's'd gots me in Layaway befo'e de Greeters even had time t'readplum deir dentures. Oh, and ah' know whut would happen den, Mr. Ah be baaad... Hoagie...ya''d make some half-ass deposit, wid de promise uh "big doodads" t'come, den ya''d keep me laid away fo' monds, only comin' around wheneva' ya' felt likes slippin' some little across de table. Just enough t'keep me hangin' on, but not enough t'snatch me crib. No Sir! Right on! ah' dun didn't just fall off de turnip truck. Ya' know? So, hit da damn road, Ryan. 'S coo', bro. Derek be de only Wal*Mart joker fo' me! Preach it loud, bruddah!

(Submitted by Aunt Beru's lame chicken)

I bear no relation to a marsupial. Thank you.

(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal)

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *gasp* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA! *holding sides* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *snort* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Thanks everyonge :o) I sure hope Derek is reading all this.

(Submitted by Diva)

Dalliance - thanks for the welcome. :-) ummm - and the cheesegrater too I guess, although I'm sure there are other things I would like more. Is WalMart like KMart in content? Or is it different? Just wondering so I know what I should be looking out for ;-)

(Submitted by Associate of the Year)

ATTENTION WAL-MART SHOPPERS!!!!!!! Why do I find BoJangle Chicken bags , full of the remains of what I am sure was a lovely meal, abandoned in the solvent section? Do people actually come to Wal-Mart to dine? And if so don't you think you'd be more comfortable in the lawn furniture area? *ACTIVATE ALL SECURITY CAMERAS IN HARDWARE...SCAN DEPARTMENT FIFTEEN!!!!!*

(Submitted by Associate of the Year)

ATTENTION DALLIENCE!!!!!!!!! . WINNERS LIST. For a list of major prize winners, send a self-addressed stamped envelope before November 1, 2000 to: Att: Oreo Stacking Winner's List, Innova Marketing, 9401 73rd Avenue N. # 400, Minneapolis, MN 55428. It ain't over 'til the fat kid stacks.

(Submitted by Anna)

I cant believe I am here on a Monday morning at 2.19 am reading what some shmuck buys at Walmart. Is this the future of the internet? We are doomed, doomed I tell you! The end is near

(Submitted by Grim Reaper)

What was that address again, Anna?

(Submitted by esmerelda)

ok...way too many people leave comments on this site...get a life...yes, this means you Dalliance! sorry kids, but there is more to life than derek and his little shopping trips. i love you all, but really you're pathetic.

(Submitted by FargoChamberofCommerce)

Please stop shopping in Dilworth. Everyone knows Minnesotans are such losers. But Fargo on the other hand... now THERE'S a place to shop!

(Submitted by Dalliance)

hey, esmerelda, nobody asked you so f*ck off, as we say in Brooklyn!

(Submitted by Dalliance)

And esmerelda, i can guarantee you my life is far more expansive and exciting than yours, hence the reason i don't feel the need to leave unsolicited bitchy comments about others...that, my dear, is a sure sign of a tiny mind and a small life, poorly lived.

(Submitted by Puddles )

I sure wish Derek would buy some more dri bottoms or maybe some depends and send some to me. Dalliance is cracking me up here and I have very little bladder control as it is. Keep up the good work Dal (may I call you Dal?). Waiting anxiously for the next chapter.

(Submitted by Johny Dingus )

booya

(Submitted by poot )

it fills my heart with joy to know that walmart has filled so many lives with smiles and a laugh or two, you guys are fabulous. To those who do not except and understand what is being done here.... middle finger salute!

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

ALL OF WHAT? WHAT U BUY ALL OF?

(Submitted by gern blandston )

Dalliance..start yer own website. What happened to: Matt Krieg's #1 Fan, the cat, Chore Boy, The Skull and my personal fave, Customer Service Expert Darryl Marchetta. This site has turned into a "look how funny I am" snoozefest. Derek, for God sakes buy sometime amusing... like a Garden Weasel and a gallon of Astro- Glide.