Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by random person )

random person doing first poster dance** yeehaw

(Submitted by hottie69 )

now we are getting autographs! you are getting famous

(Submitted by luvinhottie69 )

why didnt you buy on the 2nd you got somthing against the ground hog

(Submitted by pcdebb )

this one is messy, with sigs and all. you famous now? <g>

(Submitted by pcdebb )

hey derek, ever thought of having visitor receipts? for no good reason in the world i've been holding a receipt from walmart for two weeks.....wanna see?

(Submitted by Grandaddy )

Jesus H Christ.In the top ten ,I CANNOT BELIEVE IT !Is Derek on speed at the moment? Just running on down to that shop every five minutes.And is this the first signed receipt?

(Submitted by Grandaddy )

Any chanceof the next one being signed by the man himself "Matt Krieg" or how about a double with Ryan!

(Submitted by uk chick )

Hey, Mr D you super stud! You were holding out on us in January, February you're simply splurging - ROLD GOLD & LIQ PLMR - and I do like a good *LIQ* before I get rold in gold!!!!! (Got in Top 10 too - yee ha!!)

(Submitted by Cakes )

I always eat bags and bags of CHIPS after that ROLD GOLD....serious munchies...

(Submitted by Azrael Brown )

Grandaddy: the first signed receipt was 5/20/2001, with FrAnKiE's John Hancock on it. We're not sure who FrAnKiE is, but there are always rumours...

(Submitted by Gern Blandston )

Noticeable lack of Darryl Marchetta receipts lately. Did Matt Krieg have him "done away with"? Hmm....

(Submitted by Dal )

I'm trying to recreate the scene. Derek goes to Wal*Mart to fetch some party snacks, personal hygiene products, and drain cleaner. He approaches the check-out and whips out his cash/charge card. "Oh my GODDDDD!' Tara Reese exclaims excitedly, "It's, like, DEREK DAHLSAD! Bonnie, LeAnn, Kristi, come over here, like, really really fast!" Much squealing ensues whereupon WildMan, Chuck and Denny dude it on over to check out the deal and then...and then...and then the picture gets all blurry. My imagination fails me here. Someone want to take over?

(Submitted by Chiq )

Sure Dal... what happens next is that Gumby tries to slip Derek the nanner. It was not a pretty scene. *squirting LIQ PLMR all over the place*

(Submitted by Crandall )

cont. ...while Matt Krieg walks by the commotion, mumbling under his breath, "I can't believe this f*cker's using a VISA for ten bucks worth of crap!"

(Submitted by Crystal Meth )

big D, explain if you will...

(Submitted by Jamay )

I love it when people buy candy bars with their credit cards. Or a EBT card. A chewed up one that you have to punch in by hand. Except you aren't sure what some of the chewed up numbers are so it takes you four times. I know she did it with the scissors and a cheesegrater, she doesn't have to lie, dammit.

(Submitted by What the hell is up with this receipt Huh? )

* fanning myself 'cuz I feel faint * DIDJA SEE THE AUTOGRAPH FOR "Wild Man"?? I betcha that's Matt Krieg!!!

(Submitted by Another Post from Huh? )

* nose touching computer screen * ... Heidi, Connie, Leann, Kristi, Karla and Tara .... ~~> All WalMart goddess under the love spell of Derek ~~> but I'm sure sure exactly what to think about Gumby and Chuck?

(Submitted by Oops Huh? )

** colliding fingers ** make that "not sure" instead of "sure sure"

(Submitted by Heidi )

Grandfather, Grandfather!!!!

(Submitted by Andrew )

first time i've been to this site, unbelievable...i had no idea cult status had been reduced to such lows. actually quite amusing, future generations with find this site and it will define our culture... can't wait to get personally hooked on this with the rest of the gang, tell me, what do i have to do to become part of this family??

(Submitted by Darcy )

Could you please patronize Canadian Tire instead of Walmart so the Canadian dollar will do better?

(Submitted by JdeMnkey )

Do they sell a 80psi potato catapult at Walmart? How bout a diy kit?

(Submitted by MOGGEE )

If Bush had some of that Liquid Plumber handy when he was choking on his Rolled Gold Pretzels he wouldn't had hurt his head.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Andrew, before we can let you into the receipt family, you gotta climb into the toaster box, spin the bottle & keep your fingers crossed you don't have to kiss the CHORE BOY... he'll slip you the tongue and the nanner. He's a little pervert. Huh?, nobody's really sure what to think about Chuck & Gumby... one time I saw them trying to wear the GIRLS BREIFS.... at the same time!!!

(Submitted by cucharito )

big d man, i just want you to kow that you are my hero, second to Matt Krieg that is

(Submitted by Gumby )

Sorry to ruin your story, Chiqca, but I always keep my "nanner" and my briefs to myself...always!

(Submitted by lambie )

all I know is...I wanna meet CHUCK! I like its kinda kinky the way he takes his C and makes it into a line for the rest of his name....*sigh*...gives a ole lamb heart flutters, it does!

(Submitted by lambie )

Andrew...all ya gotta do is climb up on the toaster box...and do a little "cat walk"...struttin' your stuff! just do NOT push anyone OFF...or if you sit on the edge..dont dangle your legs.....you could always tell us what you would do with LIQ PLMR....and...when was the last time you ROLD your GOLD...

(Submitted by reydekker )

OK, I think we covered this before but wouldn't you think WALMART could afford a spell check? deod(e)rant? Please...

(Submitted by Derek D Sysop )

HA! I need to give credit where credit is due, here -- that's the REAL Gumby who posted above (verified by IP address & email address). I warned him what would happen if he signed the receipt, but did he listen? Noooo....

(Submitted by Chiq )

Hey Gumby, I don't think it's any cooincidence that your sidekick is named Pokey. Wanna re-think that statment about keeping your nanner to yourself???

(Submitted by Chiq )

Oh, a cooincidence. I like the sound of that. Kind of makes me want to ROLD around in some GOLD.

(Submitted by smelly )

Autographs!! Watch for this prized reciept on e-bay!

(Submitted by Huh? )

~~> wiggling to make room <~~ Scoot over there Lambie and Chiq, make room for Andrew (pst, he's kinda cute!) * waving hands in the air * I volunteer to show Andy the ropes (who knows how to tie a good Boy Scout knot?)

(Submitted by Eddie Murphy )

I'm Gumby, damnit!

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

WHAT ABOUT MY SIGNATURE? I WANNA SIGN, I WANNA SIGN! NYCFASHIONGIRL

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

WHAT ABOUT MY SIGNATURE? I WANNA SIGN, I WANNA SIGN! NYCFASHIONGIRL

(Submitted by Huh? )

It's so nice, say it twice!

(Submitted by lambie )

Huh...I dont know how to tie a Boy Scouts Knot..but I'm sure between the two of us..we can figure out something...hey...maybe we can get Derek to get us some DUCT TAPE next trip...luv my duct tape, dontcha know!

(Submitted by Damion )

This is the homliest thing I've ever seen! Pretty proud of ya!

(Submitted by Balmain Boy )

Morning, Andrew! I'll call you Fort, since there's a Fort Denison in Sydney Harbour. Hah! First thing you gotta realise is that the Wal*Mart goddesses have right of way. So if you see Dal, Chiquita or Abi scooting round in their trollies (watch out for that Abi, always on the wrong side of the aisle), just scatter a few rose petals in their path and bow deeply.

(Submitted by Jenny )

Autographs aside (I think he should get them EVERY time), I think its good Derek bought the DEODRANT along with all those fattening CHIPS and the not so fattening ROLD GOLDs. Doin' all us in this here toaster box a huge favour when he's excersizing.

(Submitted by The Duke )

Duct Tape And WD-40 that's all you need in life, oh and nanner's too

(Submitted by randomperson )

a man's gotta eat. while nanners may provide a high protein snack, i require GV CHIPS and ROLD GOLD for carbo-loading. i get most of my trace minerals by supplementing with the DEODERANT, which is high in aluminum chlorhydrate. !!Open the pantry door margaret, I need my midnight snack!!

(Submitted by Hugh Jass )

Hey! I use Liquid Palmer too! Makes a GREAT map of Hawaii.

(Submitted by Duck )

You really aren't gonna explain to us about the autographs? They finally realized who you were and wanted a bite of fame? Or did you ask them to sign? Important. RSVP! tit

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Duck, it's unfortunate that Derek is a man of few words. Very rarely does he grace us with his presence (or presents). I'm actually quite surprised that he gave us the above-info on Gumby. I wouldn't hold my breath for an explanation if I were you. But Derek, I double- COPMUT-dare you, make a liar out of me!

(Submitted by Joey )

So Chiq...how YOU doin'???

(Submitted by Swooning Chiqca )

*having heart failure* JJJJJOOOOOEEEEEYYYYY!!!!!! You know what, if Rachel doesn't want your nanner, I'd be happy to make you a sundae you'll never forget!!!!! AAAAARRRRRGGGGG! Joey asked me how I'm doing!! I can die happy now. *peaceful, contented sigh*

(Submitted by E.T. )

Derek, Watch out for those Rold Gold pretzels. They almost took out Prez 'W'. You may need to use Liquid Plumber to force them on down!!!

(Submitted by Azrael Brown )

If the Big D says that he verified Gumby by the email, maybe HE can break the suspense! Gumby may be our only hope; out plasticine ObiWan in this Star Wars of WalMart receipts.

(Submitted by Chiq )

But Azrael, I ask you is Derek man enough to step up to the challenge of a double- COPMUT-dare? BTW Azrael, you are a SMF... and I won't give you away.

(Submitted by Fred Farkle )

just one question has anybody ever farted in the *TOASTER BOX*

(Submitted by ChiqFancier )

Does this reflect on Walmart, or its customers? "    In 1995, a National Aeronautics and Space Administration employee bought six plastic owls at Wal-Mart to protect the space shuttle from woodpeckers. "

(Submitted by MOGGEE )

Chiq, those were K-Mart Plastic Owls. NASA switched to Wal-Mart Plastic Owls in late January 1986 after woodpecker marks turned up on (what was left) the Fleet's O- Rings. It's been just over 8 years since any woodpeckers have been sighted in the Central Florida area.

(Submitted by Chiq )

I dunno. But I wonder... does a woodpecker have a nanner? I mean, with a name like wood & pecker... As for you Fred, the answer is no, we hand out Bean-o to all who enter the toaster box. We promote a pollution-free environment. However, those people over in the 2STORY CONDO are a whole other story!

(Submitted by gumby )

I can't believe I'm doing this! Derek, you've got me roped into this site too. I hope I don't spoil your image, but for everyone that wants to know what's up with the autograph's, it was simply an oppurtunity to be part of the Wal-Mart experience. It's quite cool and I highly recommend it if you ever meet the man/myth yourself.

(Submitted by Dal )

Chiqs, wot's an SMF? Is that short for Smurf? Is Azrael a Smurf?? Does he know Gumby? They would make a nice color combination. Hey Gumby! You are cool. I like how you put not one, but two lines under your name. Now, that is style! I also like how friendly you are saying hi to all us Americans on the receipt, but Gumby love, we here in the toaster box are a multi-national community. I do hope you'll say hi to the French, British and Aussie contingents as well. P.S. Could you please describe to me how Derek smelled? Use a lot of adjectives....I like those. Also, did you get to touch his hair? What was he wearing? Are his teeth really that white in person? I bet there are a lot of girls that would love to choke on Derek's ROLD GOLD.

(Submitted by Dal Fancier )

The Official Delivery Vehicle for NASA plastic owls: the Potato Head Spudmoobile: "Mr. Potato Head turned 50 on Wednesday. Hasbro's official "spokes-spud" celebrated at the company's showroom in New York City with friends such as Hasbro CEO Alan Hassenfeld and "Garfield" creator Jim Davis. The birthday celebration will continue throughout 2002 so all fans can take part in the action. Mr. Potato Head will be traveling by spudmobile to attend birthday parties in his honor at more than 250 participating Wal- Mart stores nationwide. "

(Submitted by Lord Balmain )

Dal, don't you know your Monty Python? Mr Gumby was the wellie-wearing, knotted- handkerchief-shaded, fist- clenched Fair-Isle-vested stiff-legged imbecile that flock round Islington or Chipping Sodbury. Not really the social companion to take to the Scottish takeaway, let alone Fargo insurance houses ...

(Submitted by Huh? )

Dal, are you on speed? Or did you just eat too many ROLD GOLD X washed down with LIQD PLMR? *Hints from Huheloise* Did you know that deoderant (sic) applied to inside of your hands prevents sticky palms?

(Submitted by Pondering Huh? )

* thinking hard * So, does a woodpecker have a "wood pecker"? Do guys named "Woodie" walk around with a "Woodie"? When is a Taco not really a "Taco"? And what about Wedding Tackle? Help me please!

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Dal, check out Azrael's email address... the SMF mystery will be solved.

(Submitted by Abi, off her trolly )

GOOD MORNING ALL!!! Be careful with the rose petals Andrew, health & safety, you don't want to cause an accident in the aisles.

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

So, OK, you're all after Jana and Heidi, but as usual, you've all forgotten the important question: where's Shannon?

(Submitted by Henry )

Shannon is gone, drifting out to sea...

(Submitted by Azrael Brown )

Sweetchiqs, I'm such a big SMF that you'd go into apoplectic convulsions, drooling on the carpet and writhing in ecstacy, were you to actually experience my SMFingness. You have been warned.

(Submitted by Joey )

*apoplectic convulsions, drooling on the carpet and writhing in ecstacy* Is that anything like Salsa dancing???

(Submitted by Carol S. )

This is just one hilarous site. I actually work there (don't hold it against me)and it's great to see such weird interest......I think it's cool what you are doing! Keep it up!

(Submitted by susie )

Yes we are certainly one cool bunch of people *putting Evostick on body and rolling in the gold*

(Submitted by Alfie )

What's it all about?

(Submitted by Fred Farkle )

*smiling sily* Carol can I hold it against you? I am wearing my DEODERANT.

(Submitted by Fred Farkle who can't spell! )

*meant slyly or sliely or was it silly? Damn spell checker anyway*

(Submitted by Dal Whizzing By On Trolly )

Huh? I was a bit inquistive yesterday, a combination of seeing Derek in the Toaster Box coupled with too much Morning Thunder! WooHoo! Now then, My Sweet Lord Balmain, I was thinking of the cartoon Gumby - don't know if you mates know of him in the Bush, but he is green, rubbery and shaped like a fat stick figure with flared out appendages. He also hangs around with a horse named "Pokey". Not sure what that's all about.

(Submitted by Dal Whizzing Back By on Trolly (opposite direction) )

Thanks Chiqs for the heads up on the SMF. Heehee..sounds like you've got your carpet full with Azrael!! Oh dear, that sounds kinda naughty doesn't it? Excuse me but I seem to be getting all apoplectic...I'll be right back *hopping on trolly and scooting into the next room to drool and writhe in private*

(Submitted by Dal Shouting Back )

susieee...mind if I borrow your Evostick for a minute or two??? *grapping stick as I whiz out of the room* Thanks ma amie.

(Submitted by this site... )

oh fuck.

(Submitted by Ross the Boss )

I think people have figured this out now Derek. hell of a lot better than a chat room, a lot less commercials than TV.

(Submitted by Sweetchiqs )

Azrael, apoplectic convulsions, drooling, writhing? Have you been aiming your telescope into my bedroom window again? Don't make me send Gumby & his Pokey over to your house to teach you a lesson. And Joey, it's only like Salsa if Patty Jr. (aka Eddie) is leading.

(Submitted by lambie )

Hey Dal...can I borrow your trolley...I wanna zip thru all the aisles, shoutin' to the shoppers...SPEND MORE MONEY!

(Submitted by lambie )

(we have to do what we have to do, to keep WalMart from going bankrupt ya know!...we dont wanna end up like those sad folks in all the KMart sites..moanin' and groanin' and wishin' they was HERE.........in fact...I think I'll go visit MY Wallys today to do my part....ch- ching!)

(Submitted by glitteringsusie )

get more sparkle8rol while you're there Lambie

(Submitted by i luv me )

DONT TELL ME THIS IS THE LAST ONE?!?!?!? I LOVE THIS SITE! ITS SO FUNNY WITH THE REMARKS! OH MY GOD DON'T TELL ME THAT THIS IS GOOD BYE!!!

(Submitted by RadioGoddess )

Gee...can I be the first to tell the kids that I signed a fucking Wal-Mart receipt for some schmoink with no life? I guess not. Looks like Chuck and Heidi were. Their siblings (mom and dad) must be proud.

(Submitted by No Lifer )

You sound bitter, RadioGoddess. But why? I ask myself. I'm sure your life is gloriously exciting and full - what with sitting in your room listening to "Today's Rock" stations, surfing the net and leaving lame - paraplegically so - sarcastic insults on people's website. Ah, puberty is such a angst- ridden time, isn't it? P.S. How's the acne these days?

(Submitted by Dal )

Either you get it, or you don't.

(Submitted by glitteringsusie )

*throwing a big wad of LIQ PLMR at RadioGoddess* Go home, this toaster box is the nearest you will ever get to Nirvana, scmoink yourself RadioGaga...

(Submitted by Balmain "Monty Python" Boy )

O Carol! If I said you had a beautiful ...um... trolley, would you hold it against me? Since I seem to have started the Fargo Grand Prix down aisle 5, thru the fresh fruit chicane, then down Homewares Straight, I'll pronounce Rule #2 for my good mate Fort: No Pooftahs!

(Submitted by The Duke )

*showing radiogoddess she is number 1 with the special finger*This is what I don't understand about people, you have a choice. If you don't like it turn it off, change the channel, or go to another website.Just leave the negative comments to yourself, we don't need them here.I agree with Dal either you get it, or you don't.*climbing down from the toaster box and finding me a nice quiet little corner to sit in*

(Submitted by Huh? )

~*~ smacking myself upside the head ~*~ NOW I GET IT!! ==>climbing into toaster box to snuggle up with The Duke <==

(Submitted by Huh? )

~~~>Pass me the ROLD GOLD -- Derek shoulda bought us more MT DEW CDE RED to wash down those pretzels. * nipple alert * By the way it's cold outside again in case anybody cares!!!???

(Submitted by Michael Stipe )

What's the frequency, Kenneth?

(Submitted by Kenneth )

The frequency? Oh, I wouldn't want to attach a number to it, but I check the site with fairly regular frequency.

(Submitted by Imagine )

Woke up with the WalMart goddesses squirming and moving around on the toaster box, then dashing up and down the aisles ... either I'm being trampled or I'm getting the biggest foot massage in history! Yes, I got it! Now it looks like Duke's gettin' it. With Dalliance and Chicquita and lambie hey it's better than ... something. * LOL *

(Submitted by Imagine )

Anyone decipher those signatures to the left of and below the "Always" yet? Yes, I think Matt Krieg must be Wild Man.

(Submitted by Imagine )

C'mere RadioGoddess let me twist your dials! After you start convulsing and drooling like some other people we know I'm sure you'll like it here.

(Submitted by Imagine )

Huh? Yes. It's true.

(Submitted by TheMasterOfDisaster )

This site could be a good indicator of what's really going on in the world. Some high and mighty politicians should check this out to see what the real world is about. Looking through to see the events of 9-11 touched even this place which appears to have no use gives me great hope in the world, America, the internet, life and the universe. You have made a tired man's day complete. First time here. Love it. This is what is meant by "keepin' it real."

(Submitted by me )

ok, ready for the next one

(Submitted by Still Cold Huh? )

Master, I'd like to offer you the sacrifical 'nanner in order for your day to be complete! *YIKES!*

(Submitted by Foot Fetish Huh? )

Please consider this a formal invitation for Gumby and Wild Man to join us in the toaster box. Foot massages given all around.

(Submitted by info )

Just to let you know: It was exactly 2 years ago today the Derek purchased "Glade Carpet for $1.97"

(Submitted by Tony )

You are a complete idiot. Get a life you Walmart Dork. Is Sam Walton your Dad you idiot?

(Submitted by George )

Oh yeah Tony? Well, the JERKSTORE called, and they're running out of YOU!

(Submitted by Chiq )

Hey, Tony, pull my finger. *handing Tony a nice, tall glass of shut up juice* Gumby, you gonna stand for Tony calling Derek a "Walmart Dork"? By the way Tony, very original.

(Submitted by Abi )

Anyone seen the President of the Get A Life Foundation recently? We seem to have herded a few new recruits for you, into the corner of the toaster box. Please come and collect them as soon as possible please, their bleating is getting irritating.

(Submitted by Joey )

Y'know, The Irritating Bleats would make a GREAT name for a band...

(Submitted by Balmain Boy )

Rule #3, Mr Tony: Lives are available in aisle 17, halfway doen on the left. This week, on special for $3.17, plus tax. Please get one for you, and both of your friends. Don't let the trolley hit you in the butt on the way out. NEEEEXXXXTTTT!

(Submitted by me )

I LOVE WAL-MART!!!!!!! And I love your site!!!!!

(Submitted by MOGGEE )

And we love you, me.

(Submitted by Tiny )

Hello all of you. I've been coming here for months. I love this site!! I accidently came across it while doing a search for an assignment. I've been kind of shy and this is my first post. I just have one question for all of you: Do you have room for one more in that lovely toaster box?

(Submitted by Huh? )

*scooting over* Hmm, Tiny, with a name like that I gotta ask: is there shrinkage involved? Anyway, sure hon, jump on in and watch out for Chiq's nanners, they squish...

(Submitted by Glittering Huh? )

~~throwing a wad of glitter on Tony~~ Lighten up Sunshine, it's just a website!

(Submitted by Tiny )

Hey Huh? It's nothing exciting really....I'm all of 5 feet tall and have tiny hands and feet....I can wear children's shoes. I'm just a petite little thing of a girl. Oh and thanks for the nanners warning.

(Submitted by Ballers, old boy )

Rule #4, for our new friend Tiny. Keep the stalkers away! Type any old thing in the e- mail address field. Think of it as a tiny bio! I know Derek does!

(Submitted by Katie )

You people are nuts! But in a good sorta nuts! I love this kind of nuts! They go really good with Rold Gold Pretzels...is it me, or is it getting cheesey in here....oh GOD, another bad food pun!! I should shut up now!

(Submitted by Tiny )

Thanks for the tip Ballers, old boy....I will make sure to do that from now on.

(Submitted by Stock Clerk Girl Huh? )

Derek, certainly that bottle of BODY WSH is getting low by now? I think it might be time for more WHITE GLOBES too? *gazing in mirror* And I love me, too.

(Submitted by Speechless Huh? )

*giggling* Oh. My. God. Check out the latest toe at www.cameltoe.org. Words escape me for the "guy" in yellow....

(Submitted by Abi )

BB - thank you mate! I've been looking for a new life for a while and got lost, what do you think....*trying on new life*..does my bum look big in this? Is the colour good?

(Submitted by granny )

To all those "get a life" fans. We have a life. It my not be as dull as your life but it sure is a life. You should try it for awhile.

(Submitted by Gern Blandston )

How many of you are in the toaster box at a given time... I must say, I like Tony, thought that you guys were a little nuts. But, now.. there seems to be alot of squishing, and nudging.. <eyes getting wider> oh boy... ohboyohboy.. I gotta go. Later Kids, Uncle Gern

(Submitted by Stone Cold Steve Austin )

What?

(Submitted by Abi )

I Am a little nut, only 5' 5".....

(Submitted by Hugh Jass )

Height or width? :::ducking & running:::

(Submitted by glitteringsusie )

the quantity of nuts in the toaster box at any given moment is in direct proportion to the number of nanners distributed by Chiq and the visiblity of NYFG's cleavage. #susie's Law of Expansion #

(Submitted by hugh jenutz )

i got your planters hangin' right here...

(Submitted by Chef Chiqca )

*whipping up a planters & nanners casserole and serving on a PLANT SAUCER with a FISH FOOD garnish*

(Submitted by Tiny )

*Peeking quietly into toaster box* Anyone in there? It's rather quiet in there.

(Submitted by BB )

ummm....how do I say this....O lovely, Abi! The tiara is quite fetching, but I think the 'Dallas Cowboys' cheerleader outfit doesn't quite go with the Manolo tiger-print stilettos, especially when teamed with hotpink leg warmers - but on the whole, very....Strumpetshire!

(Submitted by Paranoid )

Quit spying on me!

(Submitted by Cupid )

Top Ten Rejected Valentines Day Cards 10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore. 7. This feels so good, it feels so right I just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to pass Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass. 3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie I just wished you had J- Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

(Submitted by Abi )

*tilting head to one side, looking in mirror* Ok, so how 'bout this, I loose the cheerleaders outfit, but I keep the stilletos and leg warmers (it is cold in Strumpetshire), what about the slutty white t-shirt with the picture of Derek on? Oops, mustn't forget the GIRLS BRIEFS...

(Submitted by lieu )

here for my valentine is a cup full of reeses... even though you smell like a monkey flinging feces.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Cakes, how 'bout you get rid of one of the stilletos & put on this BOOT. And to finish of your outfit... *gently placing LILY BULB on Cakes' head*

(Submitted by Joey )

Yo, Chiqs...got any more of dem LILY BULBS?

(Submitted by Chiq )

Hi Joey my sweet. I do happen to have another LILY BULB. I've hidden it somewhere inside my GIRLS BRIEFS and you'll have to find it.

(Submitted by AbiCakes )

woohoo, hide 'n' seek in Chiq's briefs!! BTW - lieu, you are such an old romantic.....*admiring LILY BULB*

(Submitted by lieu )

ahhhh, two of my favorite gals. how are you ladies? ready to be adorned with chocolates and rose petals?

(Submitted by Chiquita )

*snogs* to lieu- hey, Joey's having a little trouble here, can you help him find the LILY BULB?

(Submitted by lieu )

sure, it's the thing with dew on it.

(Submitted by AbiCakes )

*snogs* to lieu and Joey. I'm fab, how're you?

(Submitted by lieu )

marv, simply marv.

(Submitted by Joey )

Doin' great, just hangin' out with my heart on, ready for tomorrow.

(Submitted by Hill Lord )

Foot fetish? Well, would 9 inches do?

(Submitted by pontiac widesnack )

double e? girth makes mirth.

(Submitted by glutrrringggggsuzzzzzzzeeee )

tequilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaru uuuuuuulesssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssss

(Submitted by Balmain Boy )

Oh dear, our continental neighbours have arisen from their wine lake, shussed down their butter mountain, done the can-can on their frogs' legs, and THEN expect us to regard them as the custodians of civilization.

(Submitted by Paranoid, Again )

Quit spying on me!

(Submitted by Huh? )

*donning stilettos & red teddy* Anybody remember the Flintstone's episode where the secret word was "Slalom"?

(Submitted by elain b )

atta boy, george! the zinger finally worked!!!

(Submitted by getoffmylawn )

Someone LIQ'D a PLUMBER????? ewwwwwww hope his pants weren't hanging halfway down his back........ :P

(Submitted by Nagman )

You rule Derrick !!! Do you enter all your receipts in Quicken too ?

(Submitted by Nagman )

You rule Derrick !!! Do you enter all your receipts in Quicken too ?

(Submitted by Natsirt )

i bet no one will ever read this. oh, and be sure not to mix up the deoderant and the chips. it may seem stupid, but its an easy mistake to make.

(Submitted by Inspector Gadget )

Damn I'm far down on the list. Derek, Were SHANNON KOCH and MATT KRIEG unavailable to sign? Oh well, at least you got GUMBY!

(Submitted by Ross )

derek, are any of those girls single