Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by MarkB)

Can it be true that I'm first!? I think this has been up for two hours now. My paper towel hypothesis turned out to be wrong, but what's this "Aim N Flame"? And new set of tools. All GRT VAULES indeed ...

(Submitted by MarkB)

i hope the "Aim N Flame" has no relation to the preceding discussions on, uh, flatulence ...

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Damn it!!! I was so close to being first. Not sure I'm particularly fond of 3rd place.

(Submitted by Sapphire)

Second again. Always the bridesmaid, never... Oh well. Anyways, shouldn't that be GRT VALUE? Or maybe I just don't know what a VAULE is. And more Mt. Dew! Also a toothbrush to counteract all that sugar.

(Submitted by Sapphire)

Oops! Chiquita, you little vixen, you snuck in there before me! Now I'm only fourth.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Oh Derek, you bought a tool set. Now all you need is the tool belt to go with it. Do you know how we women feel about a man in a tool belt??? Let's just say it makes us a little saucy. *fanning flushed face with a counter card*

(Submitted by Chiquita)

So sorry Sapphire. I can be pretty sneaky like that.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

With the frequency Derek has supported Wal*Mart, I think he is probably single-handedly responsible for at least $12 million of that money raised for the "WWII MEMORIAL" [see bottom of receipt above date, y'all]

(Submitted by Sapphire)

That's okay, Chiquita. My dreams of being first will have to wait for a future receipt. I wonder how big Derek's tool set is?

(Submitted by Norman Rockwell)

A tool set!!Holy apno bulb,steady the aim and flame batman!One can only hope that chore boy is standing at the ready with mountain dew,be careful Derek!

(Submitted by Lola)

Did someone not predict five (5) items for this receipt?! I had an office pool going, too. Thanks for f-ing up my kids education, De

(Submitted by Dalliance)

"Then what happens after I search your pyramid, Dal?"Derek asks curious as a GRT VAULE 4W. "Well," I glance over my shoulder then back into his titanium blue eyes, "afterthat I take these ace bandages and wrap yourhands up and around your brass headboard and thenI wrap your ankles to the baseboard of your bed..and""But wait," Derek interjects quick as an "aim and flame"lights a musk scented candle, "we play this game onmy BED?" I nod sweetly, "Of course, Goose, where elsecan you lie down and see into the mirror" I continuequickly, "and, then, Der, once your hands and feet are allmummy tied to the bedposts I crawl on top and pretend I'myour sarcophallus." "Hummmm I think you mean..."Derek starts tointerrupt but I continue unheeded. "And then," I go onexcitedly, "there comes a great earthquake!!! Oh my God, it's amazing, everything jiggles and jerks and out of the hub-bub a mighty Pharoah arises majestically!""KKkkkewwwlllll!!!"Derek exclaims. "Yes, I hang on of course, but guess what, Der,you get to play the Pharoah!!" I nod enthusiastically. "All right!" Derek gives me a thumbs up. "That rocks". "Yeah," I say,"and that's not even counting the volcano erruption and the Phoenix rising!!" (to be cont.)

(Submitted by Megan)

geez, a toothbrush and a tool set. that doesn't sound like a good combination to me. but hey, what happened to buying dri-bottoms?

(Submitted by Dalliance Alight)

God, I just love a good tool set.

(Submitted by SexKitten)

I wonder if my darling husband could get a hot tool set like that too. Not to mention the Aim N Flame. *Claps her hands delightedly*Nevermind, I found his.

(Submitted by Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago)

I was at Wal-Mart last week and I saw a huge display of Aim 'N Flames. Just wanted to share that. Thanks.

(Submitted by Dalliance: Mental Peregrinator)

"Excellent!," says Derek, "it sounds like something from Epcot Center" "Yep, I've got your Epcot Center right here, Sparky." I quip and smile as I throw a portable camera with built-in flash, Mt. Dew, and a squirt bottle of chocolate-flavored instant hard shell topping into the red basket. "Don't forget your toothbrush Derry!!"

(Submitted by D: MP)

Ooopps! almost forgot the plastic ice tray...*sweet little smile*

(Submitted by esmerelda)

hey Dalliance! i'm back :) you still don't have a life???? get over it...when will you get it through your head that derek's love is only for me...he will never want you!

(Submitted by Dalliance)

*laughing* Oh, esmerelda, you're funny. Go, ahead, sweetheart, don't let me get in your way. If you think you've got something better to offer the "Big D" *waving you in with a flourish of my hand* he's all yours. I must admit, already I'm impressed "Get a life" wow, how, like, clever and so, like, original. You certainly put me in my place with that stunningly demiurgic insult. "get over it", oh..ouch..ouch *clutching my side* how very rapier.

(Submitted by Saint9BIT)

I'm not as worried about the "Aim N Flame" as I am about that Toothbrush. Keep that thing the hell away from me, yeech.

(Submitted by Gabrielle)

Hey, if anyone wants to see it, I found a great porn pic today of a guy doing it with a toolbelt on!!! No shit! Oh, can I say shit? Can I post a link to a porn pic? This is an adult site, yes? Dal, baby, love the imagery, the sarcophallus, the ace bandages, the brass bedposts, the candle....mmmmm.......but what is a GRT VAULE anyway???

(Submitted by bettyboop)

is it "ALWAYS wal mart?!" see for me it isn't ALWAYSwal mart. sometimes it just can't be........

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Gabey-Baby, beats the hell out of me that's why I said "as curious as" since I find it to be one curious item - PLEASE email me URL - At first I thought a special on grits (a 4lb box of white grits rather than the yellow ones (yuck-pooey)) - PLEASE email me URL - but then I realized they probably don't have grits in Fargo - PLEASE email me URL- and beside Derek doesn't strike as a grit eater. - PLEASE email me URL-. And I then I saw it was VAULE not VALUE - PLEASE email me URL - so I thought maybe these were some kind of chichi French Grits - PLEASE email me URL- but I don't know. It's a real mystery.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

CLICK - FLASH

(Submitted by duck_man)

Jeez you'll kill yourself drinking all of that Mountain Dew! Better get that toothbrush warmed up.

(Submitted by melon)

I think wal-mart should hire god to work as one of those people who give little sample cheese and stuff. seems nice for God.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Yo, King Tut, say cheeesee..CLICK FLASH...yes pout for me, Baby...CLICK FLASH

(Submitted by Dalliance)

yes, now one with you drinking Mt. Dew from the chocolate flute...Holy Pharoah..look at that! CLICK FLASH

(Submitted by Dalliance With Tool Belt)

Is that an big Ankh under that ace bandage or are do you just like seeing me standing above you in this tool belt? CLICK FLASH

(Submitted by gandalf)

Ah dalliance, but does the aim n flame have it's own little place in your tool belt, or is it left to explore its destiny rolling around with the screwdrivers and rachets?

(Submitted by Dalliance w/Tool Belt)

*looking at you in astonishment* well, yes it does as a matter of fact ...to light the tapered candles, it's fits right between the chocolate Magic Shell squirt bottle and sculpted carrot...but *how* in the world did you know? Are you, like, a wizard?! CLICK FLASH..nice beard!

(Submitted by melon)

Kill the zombies!!!!

(Submitted by Norman Rockwell)

I can't imagine a visit to the mart without looking up and down the aisles for Derek & Dally.I can't imagine him in housewares with anyone else,in linnens to feel the texture of the 20 count sheets,the eider down in the pillows...someone stop me I am reading a church,and a country club for the reception..What is your color scheme Dally?

(Submitted by unclejumbo)

wheres the mayo?

(Submitted by Andre)

I bet Matt Krieg, being the paragon of customer service, personally and devotedly handed you that tool set, with a soft customer service squeeze of the hand, and a genuine look of customer service affection in his eyes, huh? "Wait, wait, it's Derek" he shouted across the apono bulbs he was counting, "I must personally hand him my, I mean, the store's tool set, I must feel the warmth in his manly frame as he takes possession of my, I mean, the store's last remaining marked down special on tool sets. At $9.96 it's a real bargain, and if you turn the last two digits up side down, uh, I mean, it's such a nice wholesome figure too."

(Submitted by in lieu of reed)

Me thinks the AIM N FLAME is a compass for switch hitters.. not that there's anything wang with that.

(Submitted by audie burpee)

Isn't 14.5 mil a little much for a Wet Wipe #2 memorial? What's the statue going to be of? Will it be something that encourages birds to contribute as well?

(Submitted by Mrs. Eunice Gutrumble)

Edgar and I were at our WalMart yesterday looking at foot massagers and picnic tables. Those nice young folks working there are so helpful. We use the AIM N FLAME to keep our retirement home from smelling like old people's farts. Edgar will feel a big one comming on and will yell to me "I'm blowing it out my ass, Tiger Lily." I'll run up behind him with a lit AIM N FLAME and yell "Do your worst, Ramen Noodle." Did you know aloe vera works well on facial burns? Thank you for letting me share that with you. Such a nice store. Such nice people.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

audie, the statue will be of chore boy, wearing a tool belt, a key weiser in his pocket, holding a wipe in one hand and a dri-bottom in the other, a boot on one foot, standing in a salute to the diaper genie.

(Submitted by audie burpee)

yeah, that's something some folks will want to crap all over.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Hello... hello... Is this thing on? echo... echo... echo...

(Submitted by Chiquita)

*tap tap tap* Check, one two... *tap tap* Check, one two three...

(Submitted by Dalliance)

*lookin' atcha in astonishment* fine, yessuh it does as a matter of fack ...to light th' tapered kindles, it'sfits right between the chocolate Magic Shell squirt bottle an' scu'pted carrot...but *how* in th' wo'lddid yo' know? Is yo', like, a wizard?! Fry mah hide! CLICK FLASH..nice bard! Fry mah hide!

(Submitted by Dalliance)

*lookin' at ya' in astonishment* well, yeah man it duz as some matta' of fact ...to light da damntapuh'ed kindles, it's fits right between de chocolate Magic Shell squirt bottle and sculpted carrot.Man!..but *how* in de wo'ld dun did ya' know? Is you, likes, some wizard?! Right on! CLICKFLASH yo ass..supa fine beard! Right on!

(Submitted by Chiquita)

*tap tap tap* Attention Wal Mart shoppers. *tap tap* Come watch Dallince light her farts with a Zippo lighter in aisle 3...

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Ahhh, Derek, the moron is back. Could you please do your magic & remove all imposter Chiquita posts (i.e. see the one before this). Hey moron- find another web site to harass.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Imposter, I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself. What, did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? Perhaps this is why you seem to get your rocks off on passing gas. *Cut to visual* You make a lousy Chiquita...and if you are going to waste our time making lame juvenile comments, at least, for godsakes learn how to spell my name, you Flaccid Wanker.

(Submitted by WalFix)

Dal, Chiq, he's that same boring youngster that we all knew growing up that would tell the same stoopid joke over'n'over'n'over again. Me thinks he's got someone's TOOL SET way too far up his backside after playing doctor with his reform school buddies. "A mime is a terrible thing to cut and paste."

(Submitted by Dalliance)

WalFix, you are priceless....I wish I could fixture you up on *my* wall. *laughing and repeating...'a mime...'* God, that was funny.

(Submitted by wal*grouper)

Esmerelda? Have you eversmelledher? Thanks for nuthin, i'll stick with PRE-CUT CARP.

(Submitted by K-Mart Manager)

Do you dislike my store? Are you planning on creating a K-Mart reciept website?

(Submitted by 2nd grader)

only if'n you'll clue us in as to what a reciept is.

(Submitted by MarkB)

Finally went to Wal-Mart this weekend and managed to spend $120 or thereabouts ...

(Submitted by do i look that bored?)

fascinating.

(Submitted by ATTENTION DEREK)

Hey,The site was fun for quite awhile, but is now turning into a chatroom for people who need to find a better way to spend their time. You need to start EDITING the responses, or watch this site die a slow death (slow because the "regulars" will hang on as long as they can)A great concept, but needs more attention from the administrator.Have fun!-meddy

(Submitted by ATTENTION DEREK)

unless, of course, that is what you were looking for...in which case...tot ziens iedereen!!

(Submitted by I hate Martha Stewards of Hip)

Meddy, I suppose you prefer "this is a real dumb site" "get a life cause I don't get it, duhhh, "this is stupid and you need to get a life, man duhh", no, I don't think you have quite grasped the concept of the site, med, which is that the site controls and creates itself (unless I've misread Derek's idea). Derek's already said he's is OPPOSED to editing, or have you not actually READ the receipts? and who are you anyway, the fucking "better way to spend one's time" police? The Cool Site Nazi? The "Concept" facist and who is stopping you or anyone from posting and by the way, who are you anyway to tell people how they should or should not be spending their time? Fundamentalism rears is ugly head yet again. You think you are different??? You're not. You're a Bible Thumper, trying to dictate what is "cool" or "fun" and what's not. Simple as that, so skip the scripture. We've heard it before from you of the "status quo quo" (those who reject the status quo, but it turn want to impose their own quos of value on the status)

(Submitted by Lauren)

Hmm...where did the other "L" in WAL-MART go...? Pray tell, my dear little Wals. And why, Wals, is it called Wal-Mart? It is neither a Wal nor a Mart. Well, perhaps it is a Mart, but that's beside the point. I have yet to see DeDe buy a Wal. Hmm....shopping list: Dri-bottoms, Wal....it has a certain ring to it.

(Submitted by Unknown)

are you some kind of loser or what??!! who in thier right mind would dedicate a webpage to Wal-Mart reciepts that they have collected throughout the years.....anyways....you are a loser and should be shot for your idiocy.......loser......

(Submitted by Sweet Princess)

Hello!!!! I have missedd you all soooo much!

(Submitted by Sweet Princess)

Dalliance, Chiquita, Wal Fix, MELON. I have missed so much but I am hurredly catching up and Trying not to get to emotional. *sniff* Dally, getting playful I see. I can't believe I missed the orgy/mobbing/attack of two recipts ago. I can only dream of grabbing on to mistaken ankles and then lighting the victory torch with the aim-N-flame. Ahhh what bliss it must have been.

(Submitted by melon)

you said it.the world is coming to an end.bring on the war!!!!

(Submitted by WalFix)

Morning Lauren, if I may be allowed to share a bit of my limited and dedicatedly useless knowledge with you, Wal*Mart was created by and named after one Sam Walton, hence the "Wal." In addition to being a helluva businessman, he also drove an old, beat-up pickup until the day he died. In other words, he didn't carry on any airs. Although I don't agree with WalMart's predatory pricing policy that has put numerous "Mom&Pop" operations out of business, it is still the one place I can voyeuristically enjoy watching Dal and Derek romp through hardware and underwear unopposed. Every once in awhile, someone even leaves a gem. The only downer is when these close-minded butt-WIPES come along and try and soil what they don't understand. I've yet to see anyone of these brow-laden geniuses do so with any style, class or wisp of humor or wit. So there, hardly worth two cents but certainly developed from reading more than one or two posts.

(Submitted by mellow yellow)

There once was an idjut named Meddlin, Whose appearance was somewhat unsettlin, With that AIM N FLAME up his behind, But we paid him no mind, Cause we're not buying what he's peddlin.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

You go, mellow!! Awesome. Welcome back Sweet Princess... where ya been? Princess, what are your thoughts on tool sets & tool belts?

(Submitted by Chiquita)

And to ALL of you negative, bad-karma-driven naysayers... I think Wal*Mart has a "sense of humor" 1/2-price sale (insert smiley face here) going this week and you should pick one up. If your local Wal*Mart sells out of the "sense of humor" product, I'm afraid you're just going to have to take your negative, humorless vibes to some other web site (preferably a boring, mundane, witless and unclever one). Have a nice day!

(Submitted by WalFix)

Enough Karmageddon. Let's pontificate on some purchases. Morning Chiq, SP.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Sweety Princess!! CLICK FLASH.. Yay, you have returned to us! I was so afraid you might have been nibbled by a Wal*Mart Storage mouse!! Whew, what a relief that you are safe and sound! Now, about this GRT VAULE 4W...it's driving me crazy..what is that thing???

(Submitted by mellow yellow)

me thinks a TOOL SET consists of a 9 inch splint and some gauze TAPE. a TOOL BELT is a big enough swig of liquor to fill a third leg. at least, that's what merriam (wwwebster) told me.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Mornin' WalFix. How is your tool set doing? If it's a little worn out, Derek might let you borrow his.

(Submitted by in lieu of reed)

GRT VAULE 4W? That's easy. It's an acronym for Get ReTarded. Volares At Under List Everyday. 4 Wheels.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Ummm, anyone else want to take a stab at that?? Sorry lieu, not sure I'm buying your theory. A little far fetched. I'm right there with you, Dal. I gott know what a VAULE is... driving me crazy *pulling hair out in fistfuls*

(Submitted by WalFix)

Sorry Chiq, this TOOL SET doesn't nail those kinds of boards, if'n you know what I mean. Not that there's anything wrong with that(if you were dropped on your head as a child).

(Submitted by Ventilator)

I really don't appreciate WalMart's sublimital attempts to limit all my purchases of crap to their stores alone. "ALWAYS LOW PRICES. ALWAYS WALMART. ALWAYS!" Do I tell them to ALWAYS be open when I want them to be? Do I tell them to ALWAYS have an empty line to a register waiting for me? Do I tell them to ALWAYS have at least one quality product included in their lineup of inferior, trailer-trash trinkets? Who are they to make all the demands. Hey WalMart, I want you to ALWAYS clean that funky butt smell from around your eateries. I want you to always leave a few trees for shade in your deforested parking lots. Hey WalMart, I want you to quit moving into a town to destroy all the existing small retail operations and then pull up stakes when the town dies. Oh, this is a humorous site? Here's a laugh - their wages paid.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Me thinks somebody's got some serious issues.

(Submitted by Fearit's Elf)

Now you will see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.

(Submitted by melon)

you know why evil will always triumph? because the evil assassin monkey, god of all that is bad and mass-market, wishes it to be. that is why EVIL controls the universe. ha ha ha ha bwapghph!!!!

(Submitted by polack)

I've loved this sight, but now it sounds too much like Junior High study hall. Some of it's mildly interesting but not enough to make it fun. I agree with Meddy (aka attention derek) that there's too many posts from a few people on topics displaced from the receipts that are the center of the sight. I also agree with I Hate Martha... (and Derek) that the sight shouldn't be censored. So I may browse the later receipts but I don't plan on coming back to the new ones. Thus begins my minutes long search to find another interesting sight on the web.

(Submitted by jack handily)

evil doesn't control the universe; chaos does. evil won't always triumph; it exists only out of the charity of good. out of chaos, enlightened man has attempted to find order, and it's name is WalMart. i ate a booger once. it tasted like... chicken.

(Submitted by in lieu of reed)

Would removing his comment be akin to a POLISH REMOVER?

(Submitted by Sabriel)

All of you people have no lives.

(Submitted by silly wabbit)

me thinks the peons that bash simply are frustrated they couldn't think of anything funny to say. silly peons, tricks are for your sister.

(Submitted by in lieu of weed)

amo, amas, amouthful. gee, i want to be just like sabriel titus235@yahoo.com.

(Submitted by WalFixture)

You're right, Sadriel. We have no lives. We're doomed to periodically perusing through unpredictably entertaining comments and exchanging barbs and witticisms with an ever expanding network of co-contributors, some of whom we've actually become good friends with, both here and through other mediums. Our boring days are spent on good natured banter and exchanges of ideals, all in the name of fun. We have to endure the human experience through a dichotomy of eyes instead of a near-blind two. Oh, to be more like you, a stranger to us all forever, leaving caustic verbal dog-doo mines strewn across haphazardly encountered sites where you can call no one a friend. I fart in your general direction and predict you'll only encounter warmth from a ripped-off aim n flame, two for $5.88.

(Submitted by Jason)

Turns out AIM N FLAME is a fairy locator. I just saw Sadriel and polack entering the same bathroom stall with some SOFT SOAP, CAT TREATs, WIPES and the Pollinex Turd Burglar 2000 SuperCrackVac. Must not have been anything there to warrant use of a TOOL BELT.

(Submitted by jeopardy rules)

Alex, SNICKERS for 200 please.

(Submitted by Sweet Princess)

Hi chiquita and dalliance. Chiquita, I LOVE a man with tools as long as he know how to use them and a belt to boot- that would be outstanding! Derek, you drive us into a mad rush with your purchases. But WHAT IS grt value 4W? Perhaps I can find out at work today. hmmmmmDally, I was held hostage by the great grand children of Brownie the rat in the pet food isle, but a charming young shopper rescued me just as the rat's teeth, sharper than any power tool on the market, were glancing off the rubber soles of my $12 wal-mart kicks. But all is well now. =) --a little computer trouble was also a slight contributer to my absence-- .............................GRT VALUE 4W: it is driving me mad I tell you just MAD! I hearby make it my days mission to find out what that is. I shall report back when I have an answer, but it will be risky. *creeping away from puter on tip toe and making not the slightest sound*

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Oh, but Sweet P., it's even more difficult than you ever imagined. It's VAULE, not value. *cringing in perplexity* Why, oh why, Derek, did you have to buy a VAULE?????

(Submitted by stranger)

We don't have Walmart here. I live faaaar away.Do they sell like, everything?You are cool Derek.

(Submitted by uh, i dunno)

Sweet P, it's VAULE, kinda like as in Gauloole (sp?), you know, Tonya Tripster Harding's ex. Maybe it's some kind of great knee cracker or shin atomizer???

(Submitted by mellow yellow)

that tonya needs a toothbrush, eh?

(Submitted by Mr. Weatherbee)

Archie...get away from that compooter.

(Submitted by mellow yellow)

there's a meddy on my heady, knock it off. there's a meddy on my heady, strokin off. there's a meddy on my heady, so i guess we're going steady, there's a meddy on my heady, mazeltoff.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

what i find interesting is the battle over a democratic space...i mean it's really sort of interesting how sides are being drawn over this site and what it should and should not be. isn't that they way things always go...this is my country and it should be this way...no no..it's mine and.....interesting. polack that was me as 'I hate Martha' and to tell you the truth it makes me sad that you feel that way but then everyone's sense of humor is not the same, that i get and accept..what i don't get is people who think they have the right to make judgements about this whole 'get a life' thing...(as if communicating to someone over a computer was any less valid or valuable than communicating over a phone or sitting in a cinema or socializing (are standing around not socializing) in person. These are value judgements that unfortunately people always seem to feel the need to make and impose. Although, God love him, Derek has heard that 'get a life' statement a million times from people who just don't get him or this site. so it goes. but anyway, i'm a lover not a fighter so i'm signing out for a while because, to be honest narrow-minded thinkers are not people i care to share a site with. Have it.

(Submitted by Andre)

Let's try this on for size: all those dead bodies Derek has had lying round, not knowing what to do with (try as he might, he just couldn't get enough Scotts soil to bury them in his apartment, cotta pots will only take so much), he had to find "alternative" methods. So he's finally stockpiled enough Mt Dew to seriously getting into embalming, the aim n flame will help him test out cremation, and having learnt enough from Adolph Eichmann, he's decided to buy a tool set to remove the teeth, spruce them up with a toothbrush, and use some of the tools to remove the gold fillings. Simple.

(Submitted by Derek, your Sysadmin God)

try this on for size:

Derek's big BBS of WalMart Purchase Receipts

A new attempt at giving more space for a variety of input. The chat room is still here, too, as busy as ever ;)

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell)

You're posting a comments a little late in the evening aren't you, Derek? By the way, do you still have the tricycle? Consider selling it? I've got to get a present for my goddaughter, and a tricycle would be just the ticket! Besides, tricycles here cost a bit more than what you paid.

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell)

Hey Derek, my brother used to own a quadraphonic cartridge deck. We used to listen to Sebastian Hardy (that will definitively locate my nationality for you) and a compilation of 60s pop songs on it, one of which was that one about the itsy bits teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini. Perhaps you and Dalliance might put on a demonstration for us.... Unfortunately the stereo wasn't quad, so we could never play his vinyl quad LP of Dark Side of the Moon either and appreciate the true beauty of it, or whatever.

(Submitted by Hardware Associate)

A GREAT VAULE 4W is simply a package containing two four watt bulbs for only eighty -eight cents!! To offer our customers even GREATER savings we are now offering "generic" light bulbs. Do not be alarmed by the spelling of value...fluorescent is often spelled "flourescent" by WalMart. We in the know refer to it as WALSPEAK. Have a bright day.

(Submitted by WalFix)

Mr. HARD ASS (in WALSPEAK), thanks for clueing us in because, frankly, I was worried that some of our female posters were starting to fixate on VAULE instead of more important matters, like the hardware and cactus sections. This "flourescent" bulb sounds pretty cool too, obviously for use in the kitchen, or is it a grow light (in WALSPEAK again)? And Dal, I'll make sure those "damned bloody apes" keep their hands off you. Please come back and tickle our fancies, or at least shiver our timbers.

(Submitted by wavy gravy)

mrs. campbell, you have a lovely daughter. was sebastian hardy that guy in charge of buffy and joey? has anyone seen my fake barrette clip? chiquita, will you check in your trojan horse please?

(Submitted by Testicles the Elder)

Woops, I climbed inside chiquita's TROJAN horse and forgot to come out.

(Submitted by Tania)

You drink Mountain Dew (I am presumung that is what MTDEW is) - boy do you need a toothbrush - that stuff has less to do with mountains or dew than my rear end. What the hey is an aim and flame!!!! AAAgh!!

(Submitted by Abi)

Rosie babes - have you made it here yet? I'm still hung up on the human skull thing.....I'm dreaming about it now!

(Submitted by Caffinat Ed)

dew does have something to do with my rear end.

(Submitted by ashe)

Dalliance, I hate to mention this, but I've heard that yellow #5 (found in Mt. Dew) can cause certain....ummm.....dysfunctions....of a sexual nature. You might want to talk Derek off that ledge and get him to switch to Surge (the caffeine might do y'all some good).

(Submitted by imp)

Confidential and deleted

(Submitted by eddie)

is this for real?

(Submitted by Che Whiz)

if'n god did hand out cheese samples and greetings at the front of walmart, what kind of cheese would it be? gouda? would he greet us like in leonardo's the hands of god and adam with one finger outstretched? that would be cool! i'd buy cheese from that guy.

(Submitted by reality check)

Jeez, do our skins get thin ... and I'll bet some people take the BBS as a slap in the face. A betrayal from God! Any hint that we don't amuse everyone else as much as we amuse ourselves is an unpardonable insult! Where's your sense of humor nowwwwww ...

(Submitted by mellow yellow)

does walmart sell melon- ballers? i'll bet i know someone that's interested.

(Submitted by reality check)

True, if there were ever a place where you could ignore whatever annoyed you, this would be it ... but, oh to have to wade through hip-deep

(Submitted by true cliches)

"Brevity is the soul of wit"

(Submitted by MarkB)

Derek, cut the tension. Go out and buy a cartful of embarrasingly personal items

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken)

Yeah, I'm waiting breathlessly *pant pant bwark* for some more filter pads. Filter pads, filter pads, filter pads.......................... ......................

(Submitted by Duck tape)

Dear cliche..."Silence is Golden"

(Submitted by true cliches)

So are you saying everyone should shut up altogether and this site shouldn't exist?

(Submitted by Duck tape)

brevity may be the soul of wit but not of humor, and cliches are cliche so just thought I'd throw in another for you.

(Submitted by DT)

and yeah, sometimes "silence IS golden"

(Submitted by not amused)

duck tape, please don't feel the need to stick around.

(Submitted by Hardware Associate)

MISTER WalFix (would that I could use even LARGER fonts), and I use the term loosely... First of all I am not a "he" you sexist, chauvinistic, cretin although the hardness of my ass is open for debate. You, like so many others, assume if you wield tools or hardware items and/or sell them you MUST be a male. Why us poor little female types don't know a big ol' chainsaw from a Dremel Tool. I think I shall beat you senseless (small task) on the power tool aisle. I NEED A STOCKMAN TO HARDWARE FOR A CUSTOMER CARRY OUT!!!!

(Submitted by DeepStoat )

things are getting pretty freaky around here, huh Derek

(Submitted by Wonderwoman )

YOU PAID 2.47 FOR A TOOTHBRUSH!

(Submitted by nutbuster90 )

won bad mother f#####

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

TOOL, YOU A HANDYMAN I SEE COOL!

(Submitted by neat )

My feet smell.

(Submitted by Gern Blandston )

Neat... ask Derek if the Chore Boy could stop by and scrub yo' feet. Or perhaps pick you up some Dr. Scholls.

(Submitted by Gern blandston )

Hey hardware associate, I'll stop thinking your a man just 'cause you work in the hardware section if quit looking at me like you want to slap with a Indigo Girls CD and a pair of Birkenstocks, okay?