D and I often take a work-break around 11 or midnight, and in the past week we've caught a show called "The Screen Savers" on G4TechTV a coupla times. Nothing else was on worth watching, and I seemed to remember that The Screen Savers was a respectible tech TV show. In the olden days, it was an icon of technical television, right? I'd heard that the old crew was fired recently, but with such an iconic show, they wouldn't dare screw up what they had, right?

Well, the new The Screen Savers...um......(something nice...something nice)...has room for improvement. Here's a list of the things we'd like to suggest to the cast:

• SLOW THE FARK DOWN. Enunciate your words, finish your words, give consonants 'snap' as you talk. The sounds that emit from your mouths are a constant stream of unintelligble babbling.
• DON'T BE SO NERVOUS. In watching your hands as you fondle gadgets, stand in front of the camera, and gesture at the screens, you're very shaky. Your fingers twitch, your wrists are stiff and uncomfortable, and it may be the root of your hostourettes. Have fun for God's sakes -- just because your bosses fired everyone that made your show popular without half a thought, you've got nothing to worr...um....forget that last part.
• STOP INTERRUPTING. For God's sakes, don't interrupt each other. When all three of you (Kevin, Sarah, Chi-Lan) are talking at the same time, I just want to yell, "shut up SHUT UP SHUT EVERYONE STOP TALKING SHUT UPPAAAAHHH!." Especially when it's guests, or someone who did a feature outside of the building. They're on the show to be heard. Hear what they've brought into the studio. Don't walk on their words just to empty the blither that's flowing from your nervous brain.
• HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. When you review games, movies, websites, etc., come up with an "I think this" summary idea before you start talking. Much of what I see on Screen Savers is akin to the people in college who went into oral book reports with nothing prepared. "The name of the book that I read was Treasure Island. It's about these pirates. Pirates with patches over their eyes...and...shiny gold teeth... and green birds on their shoulders..."
• WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE MAKING NOISE TO FILL SILENCE, JUST LEAVE SILENCE. Stop saying, "um" and "like." If you'd pause once in a while, you'd probably stop interrupting others, you'd slow down, and you'd compose your thoughts.

• Someone says 'like' as punctuation.
• Someone says, "um."
• Someone says "awesome."
• Someone says a neocool phrase outside of context; ex: "needs more cowbell," "burninate."
• Someone drops unnecessary technical terms or abbreviation; for instance, saying "pee-to-pee" for "peer to peer"; saying "jif" for "gif", when "graphic file" would be sufficient; using "em peg" interchangeably for "video file" regardless of the video file format.
• Someone interrupts another person
• Take two when someone interrupts a guest.